Heart Split into Two Homes

"I see you everywhere. I miss you so much already, but I know you're happy and well, and I wish you all the best. You deserve it. That's what keeps me going. I love you so much." 

My grandma, Ivone, said these words when I called her before boarding for New York after spending a month with her in Brazil. And right before I got into that plane, I was sobbing again.

If you knew her, you'd understand how powerful these words are. She's not one to say "I love you" often. She never really initiated hugs, but always enjoyed it when I hugged her. And I'm also not one to embrace much. I always tell people that my heart belongs to her.

When my mom decided to immigrate to the U.S. in 1996, she asked Ivone if she would feel comfortable taking care of my sister and me; she responded that she'd "never leave our side, and couldn't imagine any other way." 

And up until I was 14, she didn't leave my side. But I left hers to live with my mom in NYC. While it was always part of the plan for me to move after elementary school, I felt so guilty in a way to leave her behind. And since 2009, every time I visit, the goodbyes don't seem to get easier. I spend less time with other friends and family members and more time with her.

After our most recent farewell, I kept thinking about other people like me: those who leave loved ones behind and stay with a heart split into two homes, two countries. Those who feel the unavoidable guilt of having better opportunities than their families, the yearning, and the feeling we need to take care of them. Especially if they had a tough upbringing, and even more so when they get older: you start seeing them become more and more fragile. When we spend time apart, you feel the shock of seeing them vs. if you were with them every day. 

I chatted with a few of my immigrant friends in similar situations, and most of them say the same thing: it always breaks our hearts, but we got to keep on moving on. 

We immigrants are never fully satisfied: when we're at the place we came from, there are moments we feel happy to have left for better opportunities. I end up missing my bed, routine, work, friends, and fiancé... But when you're with those from your childhood and say goodbye to them, you wonder if you made the right decision. 

What can we do to make this feeling go away? 

Well, I try to hold on to what my grandma told me right before I got into that plane. I'm doing well here, and I wouldn't be where I am—the good, the bad, and everything in between—without my life experiences, including leaving Brazil. I also hold on to the good memories, continue to care for my loved ones (like her) from afar, and dedicate my wins and success to this amazing woman who raised me. Finally, and most importantly: I try to enjoy every moment I can with those I care for here or when I'm in Brazil because we never know what tomorrow holds. 

Does that make it better? It does until I say goodbye to my grandma again.  

The Power of Saying Someone's *Correct* Name

Photo by Jon Tyson on Unsplash

People chuckle when they read my bio. I usually kick off written introductions explaining my name: Lívia – (liv + ee + uh), not Olivia, not Bolivia, just Lívia. I also emphasize my accent on the í. Like Beyoncé, or Salvador Dalí.

I have a last name that sounds like a first name: Paula. Some think it's easier to call me by my last name or just assume Lívia is short for Olivia, and so on. In the first few years of living in New York, I used to feel anxious about correcting others. I didn't want to sound arrogant (remember that immigrant guilt I wrote about in my last post? Something on those lines). So, I'd let the mistake happen a few times before I would say: "Hey! It's actually Lívia." To my surprise, people welcomed those corrections. And so did my confidence.

Dale Carnegie once said: "A person's name is to him or her the sweetest and most important sound in any language." That stuck with me, as I couldn't agree more. Yet, we still see immigrants or their children  and people whose unique names aren't commonly seen in the U.S. change their names to make it easier for others. And I am not here to judge anyone who chooses to do that: if they feel more comfortable with a different, easier to pronounce name, go ahead! But suppose the choice is to make others feel comfortable while belittling your identity. In that case, it's important to reflect and see if your surroundings and groups (personal and professional) are inclusive of who you are and where you come from. 

Actor Uzoamaka Aduba, most famous for her role as "Crazy Eyes" in Orange is The New Black, has a great story about her name and why she didn't change it when she first started acting. Aduba said at a Glamour Magazine event that she asked her mom to change her name to Zoe when she was in grade school because no one could pronounce Uzoamaka. Her mom's response was priceless. "If they can learn to say Tchaikovsky and Michelangelo and Dostoyevsky, they can learn to say Uzoamaka." Her name means "the road is good" in Nigerian, which makes it even more special. 

Using people's names (and most importantly, correct names) in conversation can help build trusting relationships and influence. For example, every time a person adds the accent to my name in an email, it makes me feel as if that person took the time to read and pay attention to the details. When people ask how to pronounce my name, it makes me feel like that person is making an effort. There are also tools now to improve that process. When I was at NYU, they added a tool where students could record their name pronunciations in the school portal, so professors could learn how to say their names before class started. That option is also now available on LinkedIn. If those tools are available to you: take advantage. If people don't have issues pronouncing your name, take advantage of those tools to learn how to pronounce others'.

Making people feel comfortable in their own identities is crucial, and names are huge when it comes to that. Whether it is pronouncing their unique names or using people's proper pronouns, here are a few tips that can help with the process:

• When starting a new role or meeting new people, don't be shy when introducing yourself: it's an excellent opportunity to emphasize your unique name and how to pronounce it correctly. Whether it is the CEO or your new teammate, people will welcome the extra help. In order to foster a welcoming and collaborative environment, it's important to feel welcome and heard.

• Take an extra minute to read email signatures and profile bios: while people have a short attention span, I suggest taking a minute to read someone's email signature or bios. It can help you notice that little accent, pronoun, or perhaps a pronunciation tip. It can show others you cared to learn, and trust me, it'll make them feel better. If you have a unique name, I recommend adding the pronunciation on bios, or anywhere you have your name.

• Don't be afraid to ask people to pronounce their names: Getting that step out of the way early on can help the conversation run smoothly - and the relationship builds better that way! Some people are bad with remembering names in general, so being very clear and specific can make an impression and make it easier for others to remember your unique self. 

• Your uniqueness is beautiful - not an inconvenience to others. Embrace it! 

Every woman has her cry

Abused.   Vilified. Monitored.  Raped. DISMISSED. Judged.                                             

Ignored...              Made invisible     Hit.   Murdered.          Silenced.                                    Subjugated.

"Nós", by Ocí Ferreira

What’s the cycle of violence for each woman?

The question isn’t if it happens, but when, how and how often? How to be apart from each one of them to struggle with the increasingly inaccurate reality and reheated daily doses of goals to be met? The deadline doesn’t leave room  for the dream to shine. Neither dignity finds place on the technological runway of consumption and happiness. The imperfect body is not a fit anymore for a soul that craves for more. The value of the work doesn’t belong to you. A clean house, it’s the least you are supposed to do. Your money doesn’t belong to you.

At times, domestic violence arrives in a sneaky way and adapts very well in the relationship dynamics experienced by a huge part of the couples. The result of a historically sexist and patriarchal society that, since ancient civilizations, relegates women to the responsibility of reproductive and domestic activities and restricts their bodily and lives autonomy, sediments its existence in the commonplace that finances are better managed by rationality and resistance to the impulses towards consumerist waste that only a man can have, being seen as the natural and indisputable designation for keeping accounts up to date and making decisions.

Often, domestic violence is hidden under the veil of care when a woman has her salary withheld by a partner through the allegation of  better control of the bills; when she is told  she shouldn’t work outside to dedicate herself to household chores; when one effectively forbids her from having a formal job; when some document or good is retained; when one controls your cell phone, violating your privacy and restricting your freedom to communicate with friends and family.

There are subtle ways – others not so much – that make it difficult for victims of domestic violence to recognize themselves in such a place. It rarely occurs isolated, being accompanied by other types of violence such as physical and/or psychological, making the path of rebuilding dignity and trust even more difficult. Following the awareness and keeping in mind that this woman will remain immerse in a capitalist and patriarchal society in the very short term, how can she have minimum conditions to survive considering she has been deprived – maybe during all her adult life – of professional experiences that would allow her to acquire essential skills for the job market?

Sometimes, for us women, all we can do is scream. Release that internal cry which leads us to movement, to a place of hope and to the fight for a more dignified future. When many say “no!”, shout, and say “yes!”. Knowing that won’t be easy and staggering in some moments, get up and start over.

“Lift up your eyes upon; This day breaking for you; Give birth again; To the dream.”

Maya Angelou     

The development of a small business is a way many women found to generate autonomous income. In addition to the historical and conjectural obstacles to entering the formal job market, the impossibility that many have to be absent full time to care for the home and children, they take advantage of some previous skill in the areas of gastronomy, woodworking, sewing or beauty and aesthetics, among others, to boost the initiative, using, often, a room in the house as a space for service or working exclusively online. 

Of course, contrary to what the hegemonic discourse suggests, entrepreneurship isn’t for everyone, and it’s an illusion to think that you can get rich quickly and easily. Without study and preparation, most just survive. In Brazil, as an example, the internal report “Survival of Brazilian mercantile companies” indicates that 21.6% of small business (ME– in the acronym, in Portuguese) and 29% of individual small business (MEI) close after five years of operation activities. Training focused on small-business management, financial education, customer service or online marketing can be essential to financial sustainability in the medium and long term.

A successful example is the work developed by the Brazilian civil society organization Aliança Empreendedora (Entrepreneurs Alliance). It offers content, development tools and free online courses for low-income microentrepreneurs. The digital platform ‘Tamo Junto’, winner of the MIT Solve Global Challenge 2020 award from the Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT) is available on its website. It’s possible to enroll in certified courses with a central focus on women, such as Financial education for women entrepreneurs,‘Innovating in times of crisis and‘Digital marketing for women entrepreneurs.

Furthermore, in partnership with the International Organization for Migration (IOM) and funding from the United States Agency for International Development (USAID), within the scope of the Oportunidades Project, the 'Tamo Junto' platform has won its Spanish version, 'Estamos Juntos', so that the Hispanic-speaking migrant population in Brazil can carry out training with greater ease. This initiative seeks to respond to specific demands that migrants or refugees may have in the process of adapting and building financial autonomy in a new country.

In his book Days and Nights of Love and War, Eduardo Galeano conveyed the peculiar reality of exile as follows:

“Suddenly, you are under foreign skies and in lands where people speak and feel differently, and even your memory doesn’t have people to share nor places to recognize yourself in. You have to fight with all you have to earn your living and your sleep, and you feel as if you were crippled, with so much missing. You're tempted to whine, the viscous domain of nostalgia and death, and you run the risk of living with your head turned backward, a living death, which is one way to prove that a system which scorns the living is right. Ever since we were children, and in the hypocrisy of funerals, we have been taught that death is something that improves people.”              

Street War, Soul War    

Well, in addition to the living and sleeping,  as women, we must fight to have a voice.

Mentoring programs that encourage knowledge and skills sharing among women, generating a continuous network of support and solidarity, can also be crucial for the economic emancipation of all – some even providing for the delivery of seed capital for the participants to stimulate their businesses. The sense of community combined with a safe space for exchanging experiences and ideas enhances trust and hope for better days. In a world where competition reigns, to cooperate is to revolutionize.

Even not representing immediate changes in the patriarchal structure from which arises the several types of violence against women, including domestic, the examples of the initiatives presented in this article appear as possible alternatives to women that seek financial independence. And emotional. So that they don't hurt us anymore. In addition to smiling, we have the right to scream. Scream when we wake up and our first thought is how we will survive the day. Scream when laying down is no longer pleasurable or when the body aches in anguish. Scream, so our souls can bleed, after all. 

Every woman has her cry. And no, we're not crazy.

Immigrating with Papers

The privilege, expectations, and reality of immigrating with "papers."

On January 1st, 2009, I flew to New York City with my one-way ticket from my Brazilian hometown of Uberlândia, Minas Gerais. Talk about "new year, new me." So, as I celebrate 13 years since immigrating, I want to share a bit of my journey: the privilege, expectations, and misconceptions.

You see, I knew I would move to the U.S. at an early age. My mother, Cleusa, immigrated to NYC in 1996 when I was only two years old. I stayed back home with my sister and my grandmother. Upon arrival, she knew her goal and mission were to ensure the best for her family and bring her two daughters to live with her. After years of hard work, sacrifices, challenges, and saudade, she became an American Citizen. Shortly after that, Cleusa applied for her daughters’ Green Cards. And in 2003, my sister and I got the coveted document and began visiting our mom. I didn't move to NYC until after I graduated 8th grade to start High School. My sister came after two years in 2011, a year after receiving her bachelor's degree in accounting. 

We had what many consider the essential tools to a successful path and transition as an immigrant: the "papers," slang for Green Card or American Citizenship, used by other immigrants I know. The English skills, which I started studying when I was six years old. And family support: which was our mother. We acknowledge our privilege and thank her for all she did to bring us, since we wouldn't be where we are today without her strength. Of course, the resiliency and hard work we inherited from our mom helped us reach our goals and milestones.

However, a few misconceptions are associated with immigrants with "papers" or those who get their Green Card shortly after moving to the U.S. 

Don't get me wrong: this post is in no way undermining the privileged experience of being considered an immigrant with legal residency or naturalization status in the U.S. But for many years, I felt bad about feeling bad.

I forgot to mention that I didn't want to move to NYC when I did. My sister and my two best friends—also young Brazilians who immigrated with a Green Card—felt the same way. We came here because it was decided for us, and we had no choice. Or at least it felt that way at the time. We were told by family members and friends: "Be thankful! So many people would do anything to be in your position! You MUST succeed and do well!" 

While our family and support system had good intentions behind these statements (and we have succeeded and overcame challenges and stereotypes), they didn't realize that this pressure could turn into guilt, lack of self-confidence, and burnout. Here are some things I expected early on and the reality I encountered myself in. 

Regardless of your immigration status and English proficiency, the feeling of being an outsider will still be there. And that's ok. 

When I moved, I thought I wouldn't feel like an outsider because I knew English and had my documents. But as an immigrant, no matter how long you've lived in your new country, you will face situations in which people will find ways to remind you that you are not from there. Someone might tell you not to worry about it, work hard and improve your English skills, and you'll feel more like part of that society. That's the expectation. I once had a journalism professor tell me to "lose my accent" to be more “marketable”. I told him I didn't think it'd be a problem since I wanted to go for print journalism, but that stuck with me.

But even with good knowledge of the language and culture, I often felt that the stereotypes that accompanied my background would speak louder than my capabilities. That happened in high school, college, and even my master's program. The reality? That's their problem and ignorance, not yours. Confidence helped me get past that and understand that being an immigrant shouldn't make me feel uncomfortable: it's my superpower. It was confidence that helped me speak up against intolerance. It took years to build it, and I didn't expect it would be this hard. But here we are! 

Don't burn yourself out to overcompensate immigrant guilt. And don't lowball yourself, either. 

It's important to acknowledge the sacrifices made by others to get us to where we are today. However, acknowledging it isn't the same thing as letting it dictate how you live and feel. There's an expectation that children of immigrants, especially those with the "papers," need to break generational curses. I felt so bad anytime I wasn't happy in this country. I felt terrible when I couldn't do well in school, and that guilt of not doing well just made me do worst. It was a snowball effect. It followed me in my professional life, where even though I had the opportunity to work full-time and get paid a salary, I was afraid to ask for what I deserved and establish boundaries. 

Thoughts such as: "People would do anything to be in my shoes," or, "My mom had to sacrifice so much and worked so hard to get us here, I shouldn't complain," would consume me at times. The reality was that those feelings made it harder to move forward and clouded my judgment, and some of my friends felt the same way. 

Once I opened up and understood that my feelings were valid (thank you, therapy!), good things started to happen. It was then that I could negotiate salaries at jobs or better conditions in all relationships in my life (personal and professional). 

And lastly...  We're all in this together. 

Immigrants, regardless of legal status, are all in this growth process together. People shouldn't treat a group better based on their status, and every journey is worth it. There's nothing sadder than fellow immigrants putting others down based on their status or backgrounds: I witnessed that a lot in my years studying at an international High School, and after. To be seen and respected by everyone, we should start in our communities. 

Let Us Age in Peace

It’s no news that us women face a lot of pressure. From having thriving careers, being perfect mothers, to keeping up with unrealistic beauty standards. No wonder women are more burned out than men. But in addition to balancing it all, we are also expected to prevent one of the most inevitable things in life: aging. 

We begin using anti aging products in our early 20s, we do fillers, Botox and various beauty rituals that are questionably unhealthy. Some of us are even unwilling to share our actual ages, or feel that speaking about things like menopause is taboo or unattractive. 

We get the pressure to maintain a youthful look from everywhere: fashion magazines, advertising and, of course, social media. There is no denying that these platforms have a huge effect on how we see ourselves. From the filters designed to make people look younger, to the highly curated images influencers post on Instagram; social media can reinforce the mentality that looking young is a prerequisite to feeling beautiful. 

TV, and movies are also flooded with images of smooth, wrinkle-free skin. And while oftentimes we know these pictures are photoshopped, it’s very easy to feel the pressure. But this year, female celebrities have discussed ageist standards set in Hollywood. In an interview with The New York Times, Kate Winslet said she wanted to send back two posters in which she felt her face had been photoshopped: “I’m like, guys, I know how many lines I have by the side of my eye, please put them all back.” 

Sarah Jessica Parker also recently came forward to condemn ageist commentary when she was mocked and criticized across social media for “looking old.” Read that again. Let that sink in please…

In response, she told Vogue that “Everyone has something to say. ‘She has too many wrinkles, she doesn’t have enough wrinkles.’ It almost feels as if people don’t want us to be perfectly okay with where we are, as if they almost enjoy us being pained by who we are today, whether we choose to age naturally and not look perfect, or whether you do something if that makes you feel better. I know what I look like. I have no choice. What am I going to do about it? Stop aging? Disappear?”

She is right. The only alternative to aging is disappearing, aka: dying. And as our dear Maria Bethânia once said: “aging is a privilege.”

So, as we approach the end of 2021, a really challenging year for all of us, I began to reflect on the absurdity of the pressure to look young. Look, we survived all the hardships of the pandemic and all the sociopolitical issues going on in the world. Here we are, despite it all. And just the fact that we are sane and alive is already an accomplishment. 

As we wrap up the year, let’s remind ourselves that aging is something to be celebrated. We should feel free to honor the marks on our bodies documenting just how deeply we have lived, from the wrinkles we got from smiling, to the body changes that we got from giving birth. 

Aging is obviously challenging—physically and emotionally. The human body is bound to change with the years, and well, change is never easy. But instead of fighting against it, what about embracing who we are and honoring the history written in our flesh? What about instead of fixating on how young we look, we focus on our health and wellbeing? 

While it is fun to take care of our skin and bodies, we all know there is a big difference between doing it out of love or hate of our bodies. Let’s give ourselves a break. Society, please let women age in peace.

A frank conversation about Afghan women

University of Virginia’s professor Helena Zeweri talks about US withdrawal, the Afghan diaspora, and challenges the idea that muslim women need saving

The eyes of the world have focused on Afghanistan since August 15, when the Taliban took over Kabul and the former president, Ashraf Ghani, fled the country. Since then, thousands of people have scrambled to escape, fearing a return to the harsh realities of the 1990s, when the Taliban forbade women to work or go to school. It all happened in the context of the US troops withdrawal, raising questions about the role the United States played in the country, and what the future of Afghans, especially Afghan women, will look like. 

EmpowHer talked to Helena Zeweri, a founding member of the Afghan American Artists and Writers Association and assistant professor of Global Studies at the University of Virginia, where she teaches courses on global migration, humanitarianism, and colonialism. Currently based in Virginia, Zeweri identifies as a diasporic Afghan American and has been working alongside the Afghan community in the US since 2008. 

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[This conversation has been edited for clarity and length]

Helena, thanks a lot for taking the time—I can only imagine how exhausting this week has been. Can you tell us a bit more about yourself and your work? 

My family members were displaced from Afghanistan in the late 1970s and early 1980s, and they ended up in New York, specifically Queens, which is where I grew up in a close-knit Afghan community. I have incredible memories of being a part of this closely bound community. 

The Afghan American Artists and Writers Association (AAAWA) seeks to amplify the multiplicity of voices within the Afghan diaspora. Our collective began through the pioneering work of Afghan diasporic writers and poets. Our organization wanted to just show that being Afghan means so many different things--we saw our identities being boxed into definitive scripts.

What do you think was the overall feeling in the Afghan and Afghan-American community about the US withdrawal?  

The decision to withdraw a military presence in the country is not inherently a bad one. However, it is the nature of the exit from the country that many people are completely shaken by. How could a country that has spent 20 years in the supposed name of nation-building, who then created the economic and political conditions for the Taliban to regain a significant foothold, leave in such a hasty and completely disorganized way, so as to leave millions behind fearing for their lives and futures? 

The evacuation of Afghan civilians has been an utter disaster. Diaspora groups in the US and other countries have witnessed first hand what a complete failure this has been. We are literally working around the clock to get people’s visas expedited—doing the things lawyers and government bureaucrats are supposed to be doing. 

Are there any misconceptions going around that particularly frustrate you? 

Well, the misconceptions have been going around for hundreds of years across multiple imperial powers—beginning with British conceptions of Afghans as savage barbarians who require ‘taming’. The US media specifically has fallen into repurposing those tropes in all kinds of ways. For example, we’ve seen discussion of Afghan women as in need of being saved. While in this moment [sic], the US and NATO’s presence is critically important, women do not need the US and NATO to give them flourishing lives and the opportunity to thrive. Afghan women and men throughout the country have worked together toward these goals, but this never gets covered by the media. While they need critical help at the moment, this help should be geared toward creating the conditions under which displaced Afghans and Afghan nationals can thrive and flourish.

Can you talk a bit more about why the idea of “saving Afghan women” should be challenged?  

The general public is left with the belief that women in this part of the world are simply passive victims of repressive regimes. My question becomes what happens after the immediate humanitarian crisis? Do the same Western feminists who talk about rescuing Afghan women today, feel comfortable when Afghan women speak out against injustice in the new countries where they end up? My question becomes, is liberal feminism really interested in Afghan women once these women start resisting injustice, and calling out imperial violence? Is their relationship with Afghan women one of true solidarity or one of pity? Do they expect women to continue to inhabit the role of the passive, silent recipient of humanitarian aid?

It is important to understand that when the US talks about ‘saving Afghan women,’ it is a way for the US to erase its own role in all of this. It ends up negating the violence of the War on Terror, and through the ongoing financial and political linkages the US and other state actors have maintained vis-à-vis the Taliban. According to Brown University’s Costs of War initiative, as a result of the last 20 year war which was justified under the pretense of ‘saving Afghan women’, over 70,000 Afghan civilians have died many of whom were women and approximately 6 million Afghans have been displaced as a result of the fallout.

It is also important to recognize how the Taliban’s violence is materially and historically linked to decades of imperial intervention, by both the Soviet Union, the US, Pakistan, and increasingly China and Russia. We need to be able to show that the violence Afghan women face today and have been resisting for decades has been conditioned by the political chess games of these interventions.

What do you think about the overall coverage since the Taliban takeover?

I think a key assumption of media coverage of Afghanistan are the following: Afghans do not know what they are doing and are responsible for the botched evacuation process. And the idea that this is the Taliban 2.0. This framing assumes that the Taliban have found ways to recreate themselves or that their power this time around is not as invested in things like gender-based violence or the systematic oppression of ethnic minorities, like the Hazara community. This is not the case from reports I am hearing from family and friends. The Taliban’s very essence is rooted in the logic of dehumanization, subjugation, economic exploitation, and human depravity.

Having said that, it’s important to point out that the media coverage has done well in the sense that it has featured more voices from the Afghan diaspora and Afghanistan than usual. 

Darul Aman Palace; Photo taken by architect, Rafi Samizay.

Darul Aman Palace; Photo taken by architect, Rafi Samizay.

It seems that the advancement of Afghan women’s rights in the last 20 years is one of the country’s biggest successes. How can we avoid a Euro or Ameri-centric approach to Afghan women’s Empowerment?

We need to stop treating Afghan women as a geographically insulated blob of people who are just dealing with their own issues that are completely disconnected from our own. It’s possible for women’s issues in different parts of the world to be qualitatively different, yet historically connected.

I think key to overcoming this double bind is to first unsettle the idea that the Taliban’s takeover marks a clear break with the regime that was in power two weeks ago. Under the Ghani regime, women’s rights were not in a good place. Women were actively fighting and protesting around gender equality for decades.

What is the one thing you think all people in the United States should understand?  

Afghans like all communities are multi-dimensional complex human beings who have dreams, aspirations, and want to live fulfilling lives. They don’t need to be ‘resilient’ or ‘perfect’ in order to be eligible to get that opportunity. That goes for all displaced peoples. There is nothing essentially good or bad about Afghan people.

Any displaced community knows how things work, so to speak. They understand how bureaucracies work, they understand how the ‘system of inequality’ in which they live and which they must confront works—whether it’s the Taliban or the global refugee system, which is centered around how to keep people out rather than take them in. I say that to point out that Afghans are not helpless victims who need to be saved so that they can then be re-dominated by their saviors. Afghans need help right now, that is true. But what they need help with is to create the fundamental conditions that are necessary to go on and live a flourishing, and fulfilling life.

What are your hopes for the future? 

That the Afghan people will continue to resist and push for revolutionary change. I hope that one day we in the diaspora will be able to have a flourishing physical connection with our ancestral homeland. 

How do you think people in the United States can support Afghans? 

1) Helping the current evacuation – we can no longer extend the evacuation deadline but there are private NGOs that may still operate and so ensuring they have the funds they need to continue evacuations would be good. If you live in a country whose government is considering staying, continue to push for that.

2) For those Afghans who are in transit countries, we should do all we can to advocate for the expediting of their visas and for them to be registered with UNHCR if need be. We should also ask our governments to expand asylum eligibility requirements.

3) For those Afghans who have arrived to the US, there is a ton of need for resources, basic living supplies, as well as foster parents for recently arrived unaccompanied minors. Please follow some of these orgs [sic] for more information on that. Legal assistance with those who have arrived in the US would also be good.

4) And for those who will inevitably be left behind, civil society needs to step in and see if there is the political will to continue to help those people. We cannot leave those people behind and force them to cross land boundaries through human smugglers.

I would say that a good place to start is to start following some key coalitions and organizations, including @afghansforabettertomorrow; @adeprogress; @afghanamericancoalition; @aaawa_art; @afghansinsolidarity; @afghanamericanfnd; @swanalosangeles; @wiseafghanistan.

There are tons of congressional action items that people can get involved in.

Pushing (And Chalking) Back At Catcalling

Meet Sophie Sandberg, the woman behind a global movement against street harassment @ChalkBack

Photo: Nathalia Alcantara

Photo: Nathalia Alcantara

Sophie Sandberg was only 15, but on that sunny morning in 2012 she relished the idea of becoming an adult. As she dressed up in her bedroom in the Upper West Side, the then shy teenager anticipated meeting her boss and coworkers on the first day of her job in a downtown New York bakery. Wanting to make a good impression, she picked her outfit carefully: a purple sundress and white espadrilles sandals, the perfect combination to take on the steamy summer streets. She checked her purse. Wallet, check. Phone, check. Keys, check. Great, she was on time.

As she got out of the subway in Union Square, a deep voice pierced her ear:

“Hey, sexy”

She continued walking. After all, the day was good. She felt like a grown-up. She was on time. 

“Nice legs,” a stranger said a block later. 

With every block, a new comment, and with every “Hi, beautiful,” a new question: Maybe there was something wrong with what she was wearing? Maybe it was the way she was walking? How was she supposed to respond? The questions frazzled her for the rest of the day and distracted her from what had otherwise been a great start at her summer job. 

Later that night, she told her parents about the comments. “Ignore it and keep walking,” they said. Street harassment, she learned, was accepted as a part of life by most people around her. But it did not seem acceptable to her, and she would not rest until she found the right way to respond to these lewd comments.

It took four years for her to find a way to push back at street harassers, but eventually she ignited a wave of activists in six continents, 49 countries and 150 cities who joined her. Chalk Back, her nonprofit organization, uses street chalking to raise awareness about catcalling and has to date chalked the harassers’ own words on sidewalks in over 800 sidewalks in New York and many more abroad.  

Also referred to as stranger harassment, catcalling is defined by psychologists as a “form of sexual harassment, or unwanted verbal or nonverbal sexual attention.” It is a one-sided interaction that can be accompanied by “whistles, winks, or grabs,” according to a paper published in the journal Current Psychology in 2019. Like all forms of sexual harassment, it can impact people’s quality of life, body image and self-esteem, experts say.

That summer when she was 15, Sandberg avoided certain streets, night walks and revealing outfits. Catcalling, she said recently, harms people by restricting their access to public spaces due to intimidation. @CatcallsOfNYC aims to give victims a way to reclaim the public spaces where they have been harassed. 

The project started with a writing class assignment in 2016, when Sandberg was a freshman at New York University, majoring in Gender and Sexuality Studies. Asked to immerse herself in an issue and document it on social media, she had the subject at the tip of her tongue. At that point, the 19-year-old was fed up and had already been writing about catcalling in school.

With no plan other than to get a good grade, Sandberg went to a hardware store near Washington Square and bought chalk, the only material she needed to execute her idea. The plan was simple: She would go to the spots where the catcalling happened and chalk back the words on the sidewalk for other people to confront it. 

The first chalk was a short one: “Hey beautiful,” the words a man said to her while following her late at night on 10th Street and Second Avenue. She enjoyed how passersby sometimes slowed their walking pace with their eyes directed at the quote, and fought her shyness when people talked to her. The daughter of two therapists, Sandberg often tried to listen and engage when polite strangers approached her with questions about the chalking.

One day, she spent several minutes explaining the project to a man, who then asked her out on a date. “I think he just pretended to be interested in the project,” she said, laughing. More recently, a man persistently asked for her phone number while she was working on a quote. “It’s ironic,” she said. Until now, not realizing what the project is about, men often catcall Sandberg and other activists from @CatcallsOfNYC while they chalk. 

For the first two years, the project’s Instagram page had no more than 100 followers. They were mostly Sandberg’s friends, who would share their experiences with street harassment; she would go to the spots where it happened and write the words down. It wasn't until the aftermath of the #MeToo movement, in 2018, that more people started paying attention. Articles featuring Catcalls of NYC at BuzzFeed and Mic News were the first to attract an audience. Today, the page has roughly 175,000 followers. 

The media attention attracted women from different parts of the world who reached out asking to bring Catcalls of NYC to their cities. Faraj from London was the first. After that, everything happened so fast that Sandberg can’t remember what city came next. In 2018, she founded “Chalk Back,” an umbrella organization to manage the dozens of local branches of “Catcalls of'' around the world: Catcalls of Frankfurt, Catcalls of Cairo, Catcalls of Paris, Catcalls of Bogota, among others. 

Catcalling occurs around the globe. In 2016, ActionAid, an international organization against poverty and injustice, conducted a survey revealing that 79% of women living in cities in India, 86% in Thailand, and 89% in Brazil have been subjected to harassment or violence in public. While Sandberg is amazed by the traction her movement received, she is not surprised the message resonated with women around the world. 

Today, one of the most challenging aspects of her work with @ChalkBack is multitasking: “I feel like on a given day, I'm kind of doing five things,” she said. “I'm learning about how to write grants, and maybe editing videos for our page. And figuring out our leadership structure for the global movement. I'm planning local events in New York. And I'm working on social media and giving advice to different call accounts about how to run their pages.” 

Sophie Sandberg during a 2021 @CatcallsOfNYC demonstration with @TheRealCatwalk, a grassroots organization that promotes body acceptance. Photo: Nathalia Alcantara

For an income, Sandberg does freelance speaking and educational workshops to students and youth groups, freelance writing, and occasionally, she does cat- and baby-sitting. Although she has got small grants and has done some crowdfunding for chalk back, she receives no salary from the organization. This January, near its five-year anniversary, Catcalls of NYC attained a legal nonprofit status thanks to volunteer lawyers.  

One of Sandberg’s next goals for @CatcallsOfNYC is to start working on quotes on long-lasting murals. Street art, she said, has the power to provoke new thinking and start conversations that ignite social change. To Sandberg, the solution to catcalling relies heavily on bystanders intervening by speaking back on behalf of victims. That is the premise of Catcalls of NYC: the more awareness, the more people respectfully intervene. 

To learn more about Sophie Sandberg and get involved, go to: 

www.catcallsofnyc.com

Instagram: @CatcallsofNYC and @ChalkBackOrg

From plastic bottle to luxury item: Meet Akilah Stewart, the designer who is making high-end handbags out of trash

Learn more: https://www.hifatra.com/

Instagram: @hifatra

https://www.refashionnyc.org/why-refashion-1

https://www.epa.gov/facts-and-figures-about-materials-waste-and-recycling/textiles-material-specific-data )

We Need to Talk About White Feminism Part III—Solutions

During the last couple of months, we have talked about what the term white feminism means—in short, an exclusionary type of activism that only looks at the experiences of white, straight, able-bodied, cisgender, middle- and upper-class women. Part II of this series exposed some of the ways in which white feminism is disguised as actual feminism. At this point, you must be asking yourself what the solution against the shortcomings of white feminism is. 

As you’ve probably heard before, the very first step to solve a problem is to recognize there is one. White feminism is not an exception. But recognizing the problem does not only mean calling out other people’s white feminist practices or denouncing approaches like carceral or corporate feminism—it also means recognizing your own biases, and calling out the white feminist within you. 

You are not exempt from this work. We all need to do it, even if we are not racist and even if we are not white, rich or straight. And that is because of a sneaky thing called implicit bias. 

According to the Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy, implicit bias is when we “act on the basis of prejudice and stereotypes without intending to do so.” In other words, you don’t have to be racist to be unconsciously guided by racist impulses.  

Jennifer Eberhardt, a psychology professor at Stanford University and author of Biased: Uncovering the Hidden Prejudice That Shapes What We See Think and Do, said that unconscious prejudice “can affect everyone, even a black child,” referring to an instance when her son worried that a fellow black passenger would blow up a plane.

“We’re living in a society where we’re absorbing images and ideas all the time and it takes over who we are and how we see the world.” Eberhardt said. 

This process of socialization also affects how we develop our feminist thinking. If we are not cautious, the “default” and mainstream approaches of feminism—often in the form of white feminism—might influence our actions. 

If you are still convinced you are immune to this, I highly recommend taking the Implicit Association Test. As Mahzarin Banaji, a Harvard University psychologist and one of the creators of the test said: "Think of implicit bias as the thumbprint of the culture on our brain." 

So, what can we do to avoid our implicit biases?

We can start by self-reflecting and educating ourselves on issues that don’t affect us directly. Keeping an open mind when others talk about the issues that they face is also a must to remind ourselves that our individual experiences don’t represent the diversity of experiences of all women. We can only grow and learn as feminists when we make the effort to get to know women from different backgrounds. Ultimately, we must acknowledge and fight against our implicit biases by listening to, connecting with and learning from a diverse range of voices. 

After acknowledging our implicit biases and learning about gender issues that we have no direct contact with, we can embrace intersectional feminism.

If you never heard the term, don’t be intimidated, it sounds complicated but once you have a good grasp of what it means it will become second nature in how you see gender. 

Intersectionality is a term coined in 1989 by American law professor Kimberlé Crenshaw to highlight how racial and gender prejudice simultaneously impact the lives of black women.

Intersectional feminism is basically the opposite of white feminism. It is “a prism for seeing the way in which various forms of inequality often operate together and exacerbate each other” Crenshaw said. That is, intersectionality, as opposed to white feminism, understands how class, gender, race and other identities overlap with one another.

“We tend to talk about race inequality as separate from inequality based on gender, class, sexuality or immigrant status. What’s often missing is how some people are subject to all of these, and the experience is not just the sum of its parts,” Crenshaw said.

An intersectional approach, therefore, requires centering on the voices of those experiencing the greatest number of overlapping forms of oppression. Not to create a “contest of who is more oppressed,” or to conflate disadvantages with moral superiority, like some critics say. But to acknowledge how interconnected these issues are, and to understand how they impact the lives of those most oppressed in society. Again, the first step to solve a problem is to recognize there is one. 

According to the UN, using an intersectional lens also means “recognizing the historical contexts surrounding an issue. Long histories of violence and systematic discrimination have created deep inequities that disadvantage some from the outset.”

That is, the impact of intersecting inequalities extends across generations; they are systemic. That means one’s individual “willpower” is not enough to overcome them. Intersectionality helps us separate the individual from the collective—the anecdotal example from the systemic nature of social issues. 

In 2020, from the disproportionate impact of the pandemic in communities of color, to the global uprising against police violence, it has been made clear that we, as a society, are not close to achieving anything resembling equality or justice. Women’s issues are inserted in this context. 

It is challenging to think about a myriad of issues simultaneously. After all, isn’t patriarchy bad enough in and of itself? Also, most of us are already overwhelmed with an economic crisis, a pandemic and a high-stakes U.S. presidential election. There is, however, no better time to educate ourselves on intersectionality, and to revise our feminism. This crisis has exposed injustices in such obvious ways that it gives all of us, no matter our background, the chance to turn this moment as a catalyst for reflection. 

I hope that this series helped you recognize the power of your voice. Feminism is nothing but a group of people coming together to demand equality—you get to choose the direction that the movement takes. 

We Need to Talk About White Feminism—Part II

Last month, we discussed why it’s important to talk about white feminism, and—more specifically—why it is harmful not to talk about it. (If you feel confused or defensive after reading this, make sure to check the part I of this series.) Today, let’s focus on what white feminism looks like, so you get savvy at spotting it. 

White feminism has a limited idea about what feminist issues are

Whenever women of color talk about the issues that are more prevalent in their communities (e.g., police brutality, Black maternal death rates, attacks and murder of trans women, racism, voting suppression) white feminists will say that these are race problems, not gender problems. These issues, they argue, are outside of the scope of the feminist movement. So, if you ever hear a feminist say something along the lines of “we’re not talking about (insert any issue that pertains to women of color, queer, low-income or immigrant women), we’re actually talking about gender.” or “talking about this issue is divisive” well, chances are you are dealing with some form of white feminism.

Corporate feminism

Corporate feminism means demanding that a few women achieve positions of power to “break the glass ceiling,” while ignoring the systemic unequal structures that further block low-income women or women of color from these leadership roles. This type of feminism is satisfied with a world where there are more women CEOs and political leaders, yet it is comfortable with other current inequities.

For example, corporate feminism focuses on closing the wage gap between men and women, while it ignores how Latina and Black women make significantly less than white women in the first place. As Mikki Kendall, the author of the book Hood Feminism: Notes from the Women that a Movement Forgot, said: 

“It's great to want to be a CEO or to be president, but you should also probably make sure that your neighbors have enough food to eat and their homes are safe.”

Ignoring Stereotypes 

Toni Morrison made a very emblematic observation in this 1971 New York Times article. She noticed how Jim Crow signs for white women were designated “White Ladies,” while the signs for Black women read “Colored Women.” Morrison highlighted how the word ‘lady’ implied “a quality softness, helplessness and modesty” while ‘women’ implied that black women were: “unworthy of respect because they were tough, capable, independent and immodest.” Language matters, and this language really exemplifies how womanhood is seen differently according to race. 

White feminism fails to deal with this narrative or even buys into it to this day. This is particularly problematic because the stereotypical image of white women’s ‘purity’ is fundamental in the perpetuation of racist stereotypes that depict Black men as predators and dangerous. In this narrative, Black men are the ultimate threat to a supposed white lady’s victimhood, vulnerability and purity--and this discriminatory image has been used as a justification for racial profiling. 

An example of this happened this year on Memorial day in Central Park, when Amy Cooper tried to intimidate Christian Cooper, a bird watcher who requested her to leash her dog. She threatened to call the police saying that there was, in her own words, an African American man threatening her life. Basically, she was weaponizing the racial stereotype against Mr. Cooper. 

An intersectional feminist approach calls out this narrative and harmful behavior, while a white feminism approach ignores it and sees it as a race problem, one that is isolated from women’s issues.

White feminism fails to call-out white supremacy

It is vastly documented how women of color have historically called out racism in the mainstream feminist movement. And it is equally documented how a great number of white feminists were unwilling to call out white women when they supported exclusionary narratives in the movement and beyond (make sure to read the book This Bridge Called My Back or the The Combahee River Collective Statement to get a better taste of this). 

A white feminist approach ignores the historical relationship that white women have with white supremacy. For example, some leaders in white supremacist organizations were women (e.g., WKKK), many in the movement against school desegregation were women, confederate statues were often erected by women (most notably through the United Daughters of the Confederacy.) and even some feminist leaders supported eugenics. (Also, make sure to check our article about the 19th amendment to learn more about how white supremacy played out even in the suffrage movement.)

But this is not something we can only read in history books. More recently, in 2020, several female business founders step downstep down after being accused of supporting toxic workplaces for people of color they employed (oh, hi there corporate feminism). So, just because someone is a woman, it does not mean that they can’t perpetuate oppression. Again, white feminism ignores that.

This is by no means an exhaustive list. A few other examples of white feminism practices include: Carceral feminism (when feminists exclusively advocate for increased policing, prosecution, and imprisonment to create justice for women, as if the justice system worked equally for all of us and police violence wasn’t an issue), tone policing (when white feminists try to silence the voices of women of color by labeling them aggressive or angry), the white savior complex (when feminists think they are more rational and civilized than other women and should “free” other groups of women.), cultural appropriation, the whitewashing of the contributions of people of color in feminism among others.

It goes without saying that all of the practices described are anti-feminist. Let’s be vigilant to spot, avoid, and call out all of these exclusionary approaches.

And stay tuned. Next month, we will discuss intersectionality. See you soon to talk about solutions!

8 Black Female Writers You Should Add To Your Reading List Right Now

Words can change everything. They’re a powerful tool to educate and inspire, even more when we’re talking about Black female writers. For countless years, only Black male writers were considered successful or relevant to produce literature, although women have been moving us with their books for centuries. Regardless of all male achievements and the old sexist perceptions, more and more Black women are featuring as (excuse my language but they deserve it!) badass contemporary authors.

Fiction or nonfiction, romance or drama, you name it: I want you to add to your all-I-need-to-read-next list the following 8 Black writers who are making history not just in America, but conquering this patriarchal world with the impact of their stories. Truth to be told, I could have brought hundreds of names who are empowering readers planetwide, but this blog post would be endless(!!!). Check out my main list and I promise you that, before you finish reading, I will give you some more incredible Black writers to search about - and fall in love with.

1 - Coretta Scott King

It is an honor to start my list presenting a civil rights’ icon: even though Coretta was best known as Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.’s wife, she left her legacy as a leader advocating for a big nonviolent social change and a self-proclaimed feminist. Her first book “My Life with Martin Luther King, Jr.” was published in 1969, but her work was recognized just long after her death, in 2006. “My life, my love, my legacy” came to life in 2017 by Rev. Dr. Barbara Reynolds, one of her best friends to whom Coretta confided never-before-told aspects of her life, as well as the importance of standing up for justice being an inspirational heroine in her own right. 

2 - Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

The voice of Black feminism, Chimamanda is one of the most important authors on race and identity. She has a list of books, poems and short stories that are spreading her thoughtful ideas for a nondiscriminatory, feminine and equal future for all of us through education and social inclusion. “We should all be feminists”, “Americanah”, “Half of yellow sun”, “Dear Ijeawele, or A Feminist Manifesto in Fifteen Suggestions”, and “Purple hibiscus: a novel” are some of her ‘manifests’ about Black women’s empowerment.

3 - Carolina Maria de Jesus

‘Favelada’ is the Brazilian word for ‘woman from the ghetto (favela in Portuguese)’. With a background of poverty and only two years of schooling, Carolina Maria became a groundbreaking author when she published her own daily journal in 1960. “Child of the Dark: The Diary of Carolina Maria de Jesus” remains a vivid social document that became a best-seller in North America and Europe - described by The New York Times as “both an ugly and touchingly beautiful book”, also translated into 13 different languages.

4 - Toni Morrison

The first African-American woman to win the Nobel Prize in Literature, in 1993, Toni is a profoundly insightful writer who walks us through political and social moments at the same time that enhances us being a novelist of the Black identity in the U.S., especially about Black women experiences. Add to your list: “Beloved”, “Sula”, “Song of Solomon” and “The Source of Self-Regard: Selected Essays, Speeches, and Meditations”.

5 - Imbolo Mbue

“Behold the dreamers” is Imbolo Mbue’s debut novel that brings to the light details about the lives of Cameroonian immigrants living in NYC. The book has been receiving high praise since Oprah chose it for her book club, and after hailed by The Washington Post as “the one book Donald Trump should read now because it illuminates the immigrant experience in America with the tenderhearted wisdom so lacking in our political discourse”.

6 - Morgan Parker

Well-known as one of her generation’s best minds, Morgan Parker writes poems with intelligence, humor and her singular black-hearted vision. She brings a funny and contemporary exploration of Black womanhood in “Magical Negro” and “There Are More Beautiful Things Than Beyoncé”.

7 - Safiya Sinclair

“Cannibal” put Safiya in the spotlight. The Jamaican writer holds important awards for this poetry collection about the devastating and beautiful renegotiation of the English language, especially against the Black and Brown peoples they colonized. 

8 - Daina Berry & Kali Gross

Two award-winning historians came together to create a vibrant statement that reveals stories of African-American women building their own community to fight oppression, racism and sexism. “A Black Women's History of the United States” goes beyond single narratives to raise different voices from enslaved, religious, activists and queer women.

To keep diving into Black female authors’ words, you can also search for Maya Angelou, Angie Thomas, Octavia Butler, Nicola Yoon, Zadie Smith, Ijeoma Oluo, Morgan Jerkins, Brittney Cooper and Zora Neale Hurston.

The Fat Consciousness | Awakening

I can’t complain about my childhood. Being an only child has its perks, and even though it isn’t all flowers, I acknowledge my privilege. I was a very picky eater, I ate very little when I was a child. My parents then realized I responded well with sweets in general, and from that point on, my weight derailed. I sincerely don’t remember being bullied - I sometimes was called silly names like “whale”, which I never really cared about. 

In school I was always the fat friend. Paired with the fat boy ‘cause that seemed “proper” as we were “alike.” I remember seeing my school BFF weighing 25 kilograms while I was 42. Back then I couldn’t understand exactly what was going on. But according to my parents, the plan was clear: when I grow taller, the weight would balance out, I just shouldn’t gain anymore. Needless to say I gained more as I stretched out.

My trauma with my weight didn’t come from school. It came from home instead. When my parents were with my school friend’s parents, I would always hear “oh, she already lost a couple kilograms, she will soon be like Vanessa, skinny too!” Those words always carried a weird sense of relief. I wasn’t doing much to lose weight, but still I had it done? Wow! I was getting somewhere, I guess. 

Then the awkward moments came. Nope, this t-shirt is too tight - better loosen up because THEN nobody is going to know how my body looks like underneath. As if my face didn’t look round enough or my fingers weren’t chubby enough to giveaway the fact I was growing up as an obese child. I recall my parents calling me beautiful, praising me as the great daughter I was. I was an easy kid, shy, polite, dedicated to studies. I loved to dance, to play, sing along with the Spice Girls. But I can’t say I was ever encouraged to be confident as a fat kid. I had a good waist, potentially a great figure, but my skinny friend was happier because she had less weight on her knees. I had a beautiful, remarkable face, but skinny girls would find partners more easily, they were more prone to being successful in life because of their whole figure. The duality by which I was treated woke the fat consciousness in me and it has always haunted me, making me vulnerable and insecure. More than that, it made me doubtful. Which I honestly think it’s worse, because it made me struggle internally between embracing my body and hating it and second guessing my worthiness. 

Growing up, I was always learning about a new diet, in a never ending quest to unlock “skinny happiness.” I was always listening to my already skinny friends trying to lose 1 or 2 kilograms, and I was so far from their reality… It never seemed tangible for me to reach them. “It’s easy, just watch what you’re eating.” Well. At home, the offer for food was endless. Nobody was really being strict about creating great eating habits and if you recall, I am an only child. And yes, I was spoiled. I wanted it, I got it. And that was heavy (pun intended) on the sweets. So now we have the second duality my mind had to go through. I had to lose weight, but I was eating unhealthy food at home. Even worse, food was a reward at home, so the emotional appeal it had was impactful to how I dealt with it. 

At 11 years old, my parents decided it was a good moment to join Weight Watchers. I was very obese, like a Botero character. My mom, who also struggled with weight, joined WW with me. I somehow saw it more like a game (at times even like a competition with my mom!) rather than an actual lifetime change. I learned how to swim and first tasted the “skinny happiness”, which led to momentarily “skinny glory” moments like fitting clothes that were actually proper for my age. But it somehow never felt it was enough. The doubtful thoughts would come rushing as in “is this it?” or “does that kid like me or is he joking?” I wasn’t enough. There were always more kilograms to lose. There was no finish line. Then what was the point of pursuing happiness if I couldn’t see the end of the road? More than that, I thought I was happy being fat and eating what I liked. So why was I raised to feel so contradictory about my body and self?

Because society praises beauty standards, and people want to fit in. It is easier when you fit in rather than when you stand up. I now get why my parents would be concerned. But they could have raised me to be confident in my own skin, teaching what the standard was and pointing out our differences rather than giving me mixed signals. Leading me to lose weight because I should be healthy, made better food choices and have mobility like the other kids in school. So parents and caregivers, please beware and don’t replicate this duality I’ve experienced. Your judgment can impact how a naive mind perceives their sense of worthiness. Nothing wrong in not wanting your child to be fat, but implying they need to be skinny to achieve greatness or happiness is not only misleading, but potentially harmful. Being fat doesn’t mean anything other than having extra weight on your body. And your worth is way too valuable to be measured by your body size.

We Need to Talk About White Feminism—Part I

If you identify as feminist, you probably have come across the term “white feminism.” It’s all around social media, in women’s marches, protests and sometimes even in our (nowadays socially distanced, I hope) social life. But do you really know what white feminism means? Can you spot it when it’s in action? More importantly, can you see how it affects your own actions and views about issues of gender? To help you answer some of these questions, we are launching a 3-part series where we will break down this term. We believe that it is only by understanding the issues related to the exclusionary nature of white feminism that we can fully embrace a more inclusive and intersectional approach. This series is particularly important for white intersectional feminists, who should take the lead on fixing the problems we will be talking about--it is not the responsibility of women of color to do this work. 

Stay tuned and let’s dive in!

What Is White feminism?

Simply put, white feminism is a branch of feminism that exclusively looks at the experiences of white, straight, cisgender, able-bodied, middle- and upper-class women. In other words, it only cares about women who have most of the privileges that society can offer—besides, of course, being a woman. Because it exclusively focuses on this demographic, white feminism inaccurately universalizes womanhood, assuming that the white-normative aspirations particular to this group of women reflect all women’s aspirations. This is extremely harmful, because by making white, cis (insert the whole list here) the default, white feminism totally marginalizes everyone else’s concerns. But before we go into more detail, let’s first get some misconceptions out of the way:

Isn’t talking about white feminism divisive?

No, quite the opposite. The only way to actually unite all women is to acknowledge the vast diversity in our experiences and educate ourselves on how race, class, sexuality, nationality and other identities intersect with gender. But white feminism does not allow the space to do that. The main reason why some people feel that critiquing white feminism divides us is because they probably had a false sense of unity in the first place. 

If we don’t see how white feminism operates, chances are it is because we are currently operating within its lenses and are—inadvertently or not—overlooking a whole range of experiences within gender. The only way to solve this, is by acknowledging how white feminism influenced our perceptions on gender. We are already divided in many ways. Not talking about this division will not magically make us come together; it will just make privileged women more comfortable. 

Are all ‘feminists who are white’ white feminists?

Of course not. White feminism is an ideology, not a race. If you are white, there is no need to feel defensive when anyone calls out white feminism. They are not talking about the color of your skin; they are talking about a type of activism. Yes, most (but not all) white feminists are white. But that’s because it’s easier to assume—and be comfortable with—the idea that the experiences of white women are universal when you are one. But nobody is saying that there is some inherent quality to being “white” that makes white women bad feminists. Critiquing white feminism is never about silencing white women or rejecting white women’s experiences. It’s about supporting all voices in the movement.

Are all white feminists racist?

To answer this question, we need to understand the difference between impact and intent. Beverly Tatum brilliantly explained this difference in her book Why Are All the Black Kids Sitting Together in the Cafeteria?. According to her, the ongoing cycle of racism is “like a moving walkway at the airport.” People walking on the conveyor belt, in this analogy, represent actively racist individuals, deliberately promoting and identifying with the direction of white supremacy.

Many others, however, are not actively trying to move in the direction of racism (or white feminism) and are simply standing in the moving walkway. Just by being bystanders, however, they are still moving towards the same destination as those who are actively racists. That is, their intent is different from their impact, because they are still reinforcing a lot of racist beliefs even if they are not actively being racists. A lot of white feminists fall into this group. They don’t consciously understand that they are complicit in the oppression of others by leaving white feminism unquestioned and merely standing still. 

There is a third type of person, however. The type of person every feminist should aim to become. They are those who recognize the motion of the conveyor belt and choose to walk in the opposite direction. As Tatum explains, this type of person: “see the active racists ahead of them, and choose to turn around, unwilling to go in the same destination as the White supremacists. But unless they are walking actively in the opposite direction at a speed faster than the conveyor belt—unless they are actively anti-racist—they will find themselves carried along with the others.” Doing this requires more work, but it is the only way to create an actually inclusive feminism.

To become this type of feminist, the first step we all need to take is to educate ourselves on how white supremacy operates in the women’s movement. It’s only by recognizing the direction of the conveyor belt, that we can turn around. That’s why conversations about white feminism are so important, it helps bystanders to recognize the impact of their inaction, and how white feminism is often the “default.” Remember, the impact of feminism comes from our actions, not our intentions. See you “in a couple of weeks,” when we will go into more detail about what white feminism looks like today. 

Black Women Entrepreneurship: Community Support Moves Us Forward Because It Brings Us Together

We’ve been talking about how black women, despite the structural racism and gender inequality, are thriving because of their talent, not their skin color. We brought to the light the fact that, even though 50% of women-owned businesses in the U.S. are controlled by minority women, they are still struggling to have access to capital, financial partnerships, mentoring and so on. Now, in this last post of our series, we want to talk about community.

Community is a powerful word for black people in general. When fighting against prejudice, claiming for our lives, promoting our businesses, support is all we need, given that it comes along with care, reliability, trust. Community support brings to black female entrepreneurs the strength they need to rise up. Access to social networks is as important as access to financial capital for underrepresented groups. But guess what? We don’t have to do it alone at all.

Just BE believes that connecting Black women to business programs, funding opportunities and clients can make them level up together. That’s why 8 Black entrepreneurs, who were burning themselves out with limited resources, came together in 2016 to be a network that supports their peers in sharing knowledge, honoring each other’s struggles, developing and running successful businesses. They decided to hold hands to not keep hustling in isolation.

Walking alone is also a no-go for The Runway Project, a national initiative created to provide early-stage funding and holistic business support to Black female founders. They invite women to bridge the racial wealth gap through the infrastructure barriers that try to hold us back. Going down the same path, Black Career Women’s Network offers professional growth opportunities for African American women in business with training, mentoring, coaching, resources to help them strive for career success, empowering them to work in their highest potential.

Minority women entrepreneurs community needs to meet the investor and mentoring communities to build constructive ways side by side. When a business owner has a strong support system (understand by support emotional, educational and financial help here), it is easier to survive, at least, the first five years of the business inside the predominantly male-oriented business ecosystem. 

Dealing with discrimination in all life aspects, Black women found in their innovative ideas, a way out of the marginalization, which led them to be the fastest-growing group of entrepreneurs in the United States (between 2018 and 2019, they started over 1.600 new brands per day around the country, according to the State of Women-Owned Business Report). And when they find other women on the same page, they can address the challenges they face, at the same time that they are able to open new doors while seeing themselves building up community strength. Relationships take their business interactions to a next level because they need to feel safe. More than that, they need to feel they can do whatever they want because the inspiration is right there, in this valuable social capital of real life.

Some American cities in Alabama, North Carolina, Florida, Texas and Pennsylvania are already growing Black entrepreneurial hubs, motivated by Black Girl Venture - BGV, to create safe local spaces for Black women to unify and consolidate their ideas, sharing not just what they have achieved so far, but what they’re dreaming about too. It fosters an essential collaboration between businesses, universities and local government. BGV also started an incubator to take Black and Brown founders to wherever they want to be, accelerating 100.000 business journeys through social capital that unlocks financial capital to celebrate victories all together. Besides that, BGV has a bunch of amazing programs to help Black entrepreneurs to fly higher. You can check it out here and join their Facebook group that makes the community-building visible and stronger.

Building community is our power to come to a wide-ranging change. Finding a group where you feel part of is what fuels us to fight for inclusion. Scenarios are shifting, paradigms are being broken, diversity is speaking up more than ever. But we still have a long way ahead to get to where we want to go, even though we have that steady confidence to drive us forward. It’s time for us, Black women entrepreneurs, to not just feel that we belong. It’s time to, during and after the endeavor, to be the revolution. 

Click here to find more funding and resources as incubators, accelerators, co-working spaces and communities for Black female founders.

Celebrating the Centennial of Women’s Right to Vote: Three Facts to Keep in Mind

100 years ago tomorrow, Tennessee became the 36th and final state needed to ratify the 19th amendment as law, hence guaranteeing women's constitutional right to vote. As much as it is tempting to just focus on celebrating the suffragettes’ accomplishments and bravery, we also need to talk about some of the ugly truths behind this centennial milestone. That’s because ignoring the history that we don’t like should not be an option. To understand and address our current issues, we need to first acknowledge the full history of previous generations, which includes their shortcomings. As we kick off this anniversary, I gathered 3 uncomfortable—yet crucial—facts for all of us women (especially white) to reflect on.  

1.     The 19th Amendment Did Not, in Practice, Grant Access to The Ballot Box to All Women

The idea that after 1920 all women could vote in the U.S. is a myth. In practice, the 19th amendment protected mostly white, middle- and upper-class women. Yes, the 19th amendment blocked all states from denying voting rights based on gender, which—in theory—should have been enough to guarantee all women’s right to vote. But because the 19th did not say anything about race, it didn’t guarantee much for women of color.  

Millions of women — especially black women in the Jim Crow South— could not vote because of poll taxes and “literacy tests” that were used to purposely disenfranchise them. In Virginia, for example, a college-educated black woman named Susie W. Fountain was stopped from voting because she “failed” a sham literacy test that consisted of a blank piece of paper. Fountain is only one of the countless cases of voter suppression against black women post-19th amendment.

It took about 45 more years for women of color—through the Voting Rights Act, which outlawed discriminatory voting practices—to finally enjoy their constitutional right to vote. It’s vital to remember that to this day voting suppression persists, most notably through voter ID requirements and the placing of polling booths in areas that are difficult to access for marginalized communities. 

          2. Racism and White Feminism Influenced the Suffrage Movement in Many Ways

White suffragists often excluded people of color from the movement. In many suffrage marches, black women were forced to the back of the line –when they were included at all. No black women attended the famously celebrated Seneca Falls convention. Moreover, after the passage of the 15th amendment, which gave black men the right to vote, some well-known white suffragettes began using racist rhetoric to push for women’s right to vote. Although some suffragists like Elizabeth Cady Stanton and Susan B. Anthony opposed slavery before the civil war, their alliance with abolitionists deteriorated after black men got the vote before white women. Then, some white suffragettes began to argue that white women were more qualified to vote than Black men and at times even made alliances with opponents of Black suffrage. 

The mainstream suffrage movement, often deliberately, undermined or blatantly dismissed the voices of women of color. When the black suffragist Mary Church Terrell, for example, requested the movement to address women of color‘s concerns, some white feminists claimed that black women’s disenfranchisement was a race problem — not a gender problem. And to this day, a branch of feminism that centers on the experiences of privileged women and ignores intersecting issues of race persists. Stay tuned to our blog in the next few weeks to learn more about “white feminism,” and how it endures to this day. 

              3. History Books Focus on White Suffragists, But Women of Color Were Central in the Women’s Suffrage Movement

Most of us think of the names of Elizabeth Cady Stanton and Susan B. Anthony when we think about the 19th, but there is a vast list of suffragettes of color that were fundamental to the movement, from whom we unfortunately hear less about. We need to celebrate these women, who—despite the extra barriers that they faced—vigorously fought for our right to vote.  

For example, Frances Ellen Watkins Harper, who was a visionary intellectual in the fight for women’s rights and in a meeting of the American Equal Rights Association in 1866, she gave a groundbreaking speech on what we today call intersectionality. She was an acclaimed speaker and shared stages with activists such as Frederick Douglass and Lucretia Mo. Another widely respected women’s suffrage activist and abolitionist was Sarah Parker Remond, she was a member of the American Equal Rights Association, and voraciously toured the northeast to support and preach about women’s voting rights.

Other important figures were Ida B. Wells, co-founder of the NAACP, who used her journalism to highlight racist issues in the South. Adelina (Nina) Otero-Warren, a central figure that helped pass the 19th Amendment in New Mexico and helped spread the word about the suffrage movement in Spanish. Marie Louise Bottineau Baldwin, who focused her activism on the rights of Native American women. Dr. Mabel Ping-Hua Lee, an academic who relentlessly advocated for women’s right to vote, but probably never voted because of her status as a Chinese immigrant. The list goes on and on. 

As We Celebrate the Centennial of the 19th, Let’s Challenge Any Type of Exclusionary Narrative

Let’s fully acknowledge this history when we celebrate this centennial. The work of women of color, who highlighted how racism, sexism, and all forms of discriminations are bound together was vital and continues to be vital today. Intersectional feminism—a feminism that acknowledges the interconnected nature of these issues—is the only type of women’s movement that can truly benefit us all. But to achieve it, we need to face the imperfect parts of our history and appreciate the work of the women who came before us.

A feminism that ignores the role that white supremacy has historically played is, by definition, a white supremacist feminism. History isn’t over—we are all collectively still writing it—and it is up to us to make sure that the women’s movement becomes a fight for all women and by all women. These suffragists of color refused to accept a limited white-centered gaze on gender issues—and so should all of us. Happy 19th Amendment anniversary!

Author’s note: I’m a white-passing Brazilian woman living in the U.S., and the issues raised in this article are intended to be focused on non-white voices. Please, seek out more information from women of color. Here are some books suggestions: 

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/313110.This_Bridge_Called_My_Back

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/32809732-daughters-of-a-nation

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/353598.Black_Feminist_Thought

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/32951.Sister_Outsider

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/635635.Women_Race_Class

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/51378.Feminist_Theory 

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/36687229-hood-feminism

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/6792458-the-new-jim-crow

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/35099718-so-you-want-to-talk-about-race

‘Tampon Tax’: What It Is and Why You Should Care

What does Viagra, Chapstick, donuts and dandruff shampoo all have in common? They are all exempt from sales tax in most U.S. states because they are considered basic necessities. What’s missing from that list? Menstrual products. Periods are a part of the lives of roughly half of the population on the planet, they pretty much make the reproduction of human life possible – and yet, 33 states still tax menstrual products as luxury items. 

This sales tax—usually called the ‘tampon tax’—definitely deserves our attention. Put simply, tampon tax means the revenue earned from the value added tax charged on menstrual products. But does this mean that there is a specific tax on tampons? No, it doesn’t. 

Sales taxes are charged on all “tangible personal property,” and menstrual products are included in this group. But the thing is, states also have the authority to make sales tax exemptions for products deemed “basic necessities,” usually groceries, certain types of foods, drugs (yes, you can include Viagra here), and even clothes in a few states. So, when a state sales tax is imposed on menstrual products, it essentially means that these products are being categorized as ‘luxury items.’

I know…Apologies for stating the obvious, but tampons, pads, cups and other menstrual products are definitely not luxury items. These products are vital on a monthly basis for

all menstruating people. The tampon tax is an extra financial burden that women, non-binary and transgender people must bear on top of the cost of already expensive and biologically necessary items. As all menstruating people well know, these items are absolutely needed for us to go to school, to work, to socialize—to basically be able to participate in public life.

But Is it Really a Big Deal? 

To a person with a steady income or with accumulated wealth, spending a few extra dollars on tampons or pads every year might not sound like a huge deal. But for women with a lower socioeconomic status, tampon prices can be a big part of their income. In fact, forty percent of non-elderly U.S. adults had difficulty meeting a basic need like food, housing or health care in 2018, according to a research conducted by the Urban Institute. For the menstruating people in this group, the tampon tax has a real impact. With nearly 14 percent of girls and women living below the poverty line in the U.S., the price for essential menstrual products is no small issue. 

But to fully understand the relevance of the tampon tax on menstruating people’s lives, we need to first understand what period poverty means. According to the Vision and Voice of Women in Medicine (AMWA), "period poverty refers to the inadequate access to menstrual hygiene tools and education, including but not limited to sanitary products, washing facilities, and waste management." Period poverty risks social isolation and is a health issue. It increases the chance of infection due to the use of unhygienic alternatives, for example toilet paper, newspaper or even socks instead of proper menstrual products.  

You might be surprised to know that in the U.S., the richest country on earth, period

poverty is a thing. In fact, 1 in 4 Women struggled to purchase period products in 2017 due to lack of income, according to the National Diaper Bank Network. 1 in 5 teens have struggled at some point to afford period products and 84% of American teens have either missed or know someone who has missed school due to period poverty, according to a research commissioned by Thinx & PERIOD. 

On top of the income burden, people with uteruses can’t even get period products through government assistance programs like SNAP or Medicaid. Also, pads and tampons are one of the most-requested items in shelters and food banks, as reported by Bloomberg. So, yes, state sales taxes on these products are definitely a big deal. 

So, Why Can’t We Get Rid of the ‘Tampon Tax?’ 

Because of the way that the tax system works in the U.S, there can’t be a national legislation for

sales taxes; hence change needs to occur at the state level. And because each year states generate millions in revenue from the tampon tax, abolishing it is obviously not easy.

The loss of revenue is the most commonly used argument in favor of the tampon tax. Some even argue that creating exemptions for individual items is unreasonable. For example, Katherine E. Loughead, a policy analyst at the Tax Foundation, a conservative think tank in Washington said: “Every time another exemption is passed, it means the tax rate that applies to everything else will have to increase in order to generate that same amount of revenue,”.

But it might be worth remembering that the current administration managed to pass a $1.5 trillion tax package that cuts individual rates and slashes the top corporate tax rate. So, seemingly the loss of revenue is not necessarily an unmanageable problem. Also, focusing on revenue loss actually misses the central point in the conversation around the tampon tax, which is that menstrual products are, undeniably, basic necessities. As long as there are exemptions in sales taxes, the discussion should be focused on which products are in fact essential—not on what the tax revenue impact of eliminating these taxes is. 

But There Is Progress Being Made

The tampon tax has been abolished in several states, as well as in other countries. Canada's tax on feminine hygiene products, for example, was lifted in 2015, after thousands signed an online petition on the matter. In Britain, the tax will be abolished once Brexit is complete, and until then, taxes from menstrual products are being put into a special fund for women’s health.  Germany, India, Malaysia and Australia have also ended the tax. Also, between 2016 and 2018, Nevada, New York, Florida, Connecticut and Illinois eliminated the tax, while many other states also introduced bills to do so. 

There is evidence that the public opinion is shifting towards ending the tax. The market research company OnePoll surveyed 2,000 women in the U.S. in 2019 and found that 67 percent of respondents thought a tax on period products was sexist. Advocacy around menstrual equity—i.e., the adequate access to menstrual hygiene products and education about reproductive health—has gained traction in recent years. Some advocates are even seeking to mobilize legal action based on the idea that the tampon tax is unconstitutional. The campaign Tax Free. Period., for example, was founded in June 2019 and aims to end the tampon tax with the argument that, because it only applies to people who menstruate, it constitutes a form of sex-based discrimination, which basically means that it is unlawful.

Conversations around period poverty expand beyond the tampon tax, though. They also include making menstrual products available in public restrooms, prisons, shelters, schools, as well as the implementation of educational programs and campaigns to end the stigma around periods. Menstrual hygiene is essential for people’s health and for their ability to participate in public life—it should be available for all. The fact that menstrual products are still subject to sales taxes as luxury items in 33 states is a testament that there is still a long way to go until we achieve menstrual equity. But change will come as more people continue to use their voices to convey the idea that menstrual products are a right, not a luxury. 

Take action:

https://www.period.org/get-involved

https://www.globalcitizen.org/en/content/tax-free-period-lola-campaign-tax-day/

https://www.taxfreeperiod.com/protest

https://hashtaghappyperiod.org

https://www.girlshelpinggirlsperiod.org/how-you-can-help

https://www.refinery29.com/en-us/tampon-tax-us-states

Scars: A Body Map of Rediscovery and Self-esteem

Scars tell a story. I have this vivid memory of me as a kid playing near the fire pit during the St. Peter Holidays in the little farm I grew up in in Northeastern Brazil, where it is tradicional to barbecue cashew nuts. That night, I got too close to the splashing oil from the nuts and had a third of my right leg burnt. The scars never faded away, neither did my frustration and shame of having scarred legs. Which led me to forever wear pants no matter how summery the weather was. It is hurtful and traumatic to go through life in a society where beauty standards are impossible to meet.

This reality is changing though, because people began to share their struggles and fears. To enlighten this conversation, I have interviewed with a couple of impressive women. Nathalia, who was born with a condition called Nevus— a birthmark that fills up one's body and face with what they call a mole on the skin, and Marianne, a breast cancer survivor who had gone through a double mastectomy in 2014. Their scars tell a story. To learn them is to heal. 

Scars are like maps. They can be gentle reminders of our whole trajectory. Our victories and losses. And they all are a huge constellation that constitutes us. However, it's vital to reflect on the role these scars play in our lives, because even though they're an important piece of our story, we are who we are in spite of them.

Acceptance is an everyday job. We will face good and bad days in the process of healing and accepting ourselves. Nathalia has gone through nine facial surgeries that resulted in asymmetrical facial features. "I don't see that my face is asymmetrical. I am Nathalia.", she declares.

We must teach our children empathy and acceptance. People will see you for what you put out there. Naturally, there will be people who won't be able to see that, but that is not on you. That's on them. Nathalia remembers her childhood as the hardest time. From the age six to eight, she recalls kids bullying her by calling her by the names of horror movies characters. "Bullying is an act of power.", Nathalia enlightens. 

Social Media holds togetherness. The internet world naturally reflects both good and bad human behavior; however, it is a powerful tool that we must use to our advantage. Marianne recalls earlier in 1994, when she first learned about her diagnosis, that there was no social media and she didn't know anyone who had cancer. Years later, she would create an IG account to share her artistic work, a cathartic way to alleviate the pain from radiation. "My art tells other women that they are not alone in this.", she says.

Our scars don't define us. In 2018, Nathalia started talking on her social media channel about her condition. "When I talk about it and I am vulnerable, people respond in a positive way.", she attests. After her first appearance in a conference in Chicago with other people who also have Nevus, Nathalia's desire to inspire others began to grow. That's how she met EmpowHer NY and, after being invited to talk in one of our TakeOvers, Nathalia has been invited several times to give speeches where she would share her story and inspire others. Finally, in 2019, she founded Loving My Dots.  She has also participated in a very prestigious event called The Real Catwalk that happens in London annually and brings together everybody who has any sort of physical condition. Loving My Dots has grown, it's featured in the magazines and thousands of people have reached out at her to either thank or congratulate Nathalia for the extraordinary work she's doing.

The change begins within us. To Nathalia, acceptance is the word that defines most of her story. It is part of the healing process to mourn our wounds, but it is valid to perceive them in a way that can be uplifting and cheerful. Both can be true. It comes a moment though where one will hold us back from living a fulfilling life and the other will help us move forward. To Marianne, it is hurtful to realize that everything she knew was taken away from her; however, to realize that "There is light in the end. It is going to get better." kept her moving forward. She was part of the Being Flat Movement in which she met several women with similar stories as hers. She was also invited to participate as a model in the runways for AnaOno— a fashion brand that designs lingerie for breast cancer survivors. "We all were honored to walk, knowing we were doing something way bigger than ourselves.", she declared.

No one will love us before we do. Self-love echoes from inside out and it makes a huge difference on how others perceive us. "I never knew I had the courage I have.", Marianne says. That's the thing about sharing our stories, we never know who's heart we will end up touching. These women touched mine and I hope they touch yours, too. Later that day, while researching, I found a picture of a fortune cookie on Marianne's social media account that said "Turn your scars into stars.". In spite of immediately thinking "that's easier said than done." I then had a thought: if I will carry my scars forever with me and I don't care to turn them into stars, at the end of the day, there will be no bright sky to look at after the sun sets.

Black Lives Matter: We Must Stand Up. There Is No Other Time Than Now.

In an exclusive interview, Ingrid Silva — Founder of EmpowHer NY, talks about the latest events regarding this historical moment for black people all over the world, and gives us an insightful overview on how we can start a positive and impactful change in our society once and for all. The global pandemic didn't stop people from going to the streets and claiming for the rights of the black people to exist in the world, nor stopped them from standing up and supporting the cause. The protests are a clear message that people are tired of promises. We want this reality to change and we want it now. In order to accomplish that though, we must take action.

We all seem to agree that diversity is one of the most effective ways to end racism. In many segments of our society, such as the workplace; the entertainment industry; the fashion industry; the political fields to name a few, we talk about diversity and how important it is to assure a diverse environment everywhere we go; however, in order to end hundreds and hundreds of years of slavery behavior, we must act to assure diversity, by including it in our daily lives and understanding that everything we do affects black people, in both professional and personal settings. I know that might sound overwhelming; however, "black people have been living under those circumstances since the very first day they were taken from their home countries", Ingrid elucidated.

"We must educate ourselves on how to actively fight racism because not being racist is not enough.", she reflected. The names of George Floyd, Breonna Taylor and Ahmaud Arbery echo through the streets on the mouths of those who can not stand living in a world where black people are not safe and respected. 

Diversity, inclusion and representation are practices to achieve race equality, but we all must compromise and make it happen everyday. Ingrid brought to the table a powerful solution to this equation. "Hire black people. And I am not just talking about servant positions, which are also noble jobs. Hire black people for strategic positions, leadership positions.", Ingrid defended. Big companies donate money to institutions that support black communities, but they don't have them around. In many industries, the amount of black people that hierarchically occupies positions of power does not mirror black people's demographics in most countries. It is urgent that black people navigate the same life opportunities white people do.

"Black people were nobody's slaves. White men invaded their land, they tortured, slaughtered and enslaved black people, as if they were less than a human being. The structural racism we witness today in these big corporations goes from generation to generation. We must educate our children, we must educate those around us. Racism is a cultural thing. Our sons and daughters will perpetrate the racism they see in their homes.", she concluded.

The non-racist behavior sees the worth and the beauty of every race. The anti-racist behavior sees the worth and the beauty of every race and teaches them to others. 

The more diverse our surroundings are, the more likely it is that the next generation will understand and respect diversity even more. Ingrid advocates that education is a crucial element in this social dynamic. The affluence or the lack of education has an enormous impact on how black people have survived throughout History in this society. "Education means opportunity. When we invest in better education for black people, the greater are the chances they will thrive.", Ingrid states.

Finally, no matter how far we advance, our society doesn't respect the limits of black people's bodies. For Ingrid, "This is about the right to exist inside my own body.", the organic boundary that we live in and supposedly belongs to us. We must start respecting others, especially black people who have been suffering prejudice and outrageous crimes for so long. The work we are committing to do now is not only for black people, it is for all of us. "All lives matter" is a deceiving speech from those who are choosing to not do their part in this time in History. It is time to assure that black people have their voices, not only heard, but also occupying spaces they haven't occupied before. Black lives matter.

The Power of Healing Inside Our Community | Sexual Assault Awareness Month

We are social individuals by nature. Even in order to exercise our right to be an individual, we need to be in community. Because our community must be the space for growth and independence. In female environments though, we were raised to a different reality, in which female relationships have been assumed to be unsettling, conflictual and self-centered. We mentioned how harmful and lonely it is to be in a community that doesn't support us. We also discussed how positively impactful it is when we can rely on the community we are inserted in. Since, as women, we have been conditioned to not seek help or to not trust other women, how do we build a community that is safe and supportive for all of us? How do we deconstruct these old beliefs and create new ones? What can we do today in order to become the person we would go to if we needed help?

Historically, women have gathered together to fight for their rights. The right to vote, the right to not be hurt, the right to come and go freely. Although we have gotten far, it is not far enough. Nowadays, we have to fight to preserve the rights we fought for in the past. However, this is not a one soldier fight. We fight for all women; for those who can't fight for themselves; for this generation and the next ones. We fight to create an ideal world that supports women who have gone through sexual violence. We call it sisterhood. We call it change. We call it healing.

We are resourceful. We have built communities that have supported and educated women for the past generations. In female friendships, resourcefulness is essential to help others to start their own healing process, but understanding where it comes from is key. Most of us have been in a situation where we needed support and validation. We might not know all the stories of all women worldwide, but we know a very important one: our own. However, even though we know our own story, sometimes we need to learn the depths of it. That's how we claim it and tell it our own way. When we learn how we have overcome the struggles in our life, it becomes easier to understand someone else's struggles. By knowing our own healing process, we become more empathetic towards someone else's process. This is a huge shift in the way we treat others, especially in the way we treat women. 

We are perceptive. When we understand our story through the lenses of kindness and acceptance, we tend to become also kind and accepting towards others. In all sorts of friendship, trust is an important component. In female friendships, it is crucial. In a world that lacks kindness and understanding, we can win by example. When someone is kind to us, we can extend courtesy and be kind to them. 

We are dependable. The numbers on sexual violence had shown us how scary it is to seek help. Hence, the path to healing. Aspects like guilt and shame hold us back from addressing sexual violence properly and providing support to the victims, because we are too afraid of being judged within our professional and personal lives. The work we need to do to help victims of sexual violence is to create a space they can rely on. A safe space they can talk about their experiences and get help.

We are resilient. We observe and learn from the system that we were raised in. When someone is raised in an environment devoid of acceptance and freedom, the likelihood of someone living according to these social and behavioral inputs is certain. Sisterhood plays an important role to deconstruct this probability. When we challenge the behavior society expects from us, such as judging other women based on their life choices or clothing, blaming them for their sexual violence experiences, we change these inherent social beliefs and transform our community. When we understand we perpetuate certain sexist behaviors in society and we undertake the work of taking care of one another, the healing process begins. 

We are unity. The term sorority became trending on social media. The word refers to a social or political group of women united in the name of social causes for that particular group. However, its meaning has been evolving to a more multidimensional and symbolic matter. Sorority also means sisterhood, empathy, caring and safety. As women, we have been walking towards re-signifying the word sorority and displaying it as an object of cause and ownership. A place where it is safe to go to; where women are no longer known as foes, but friends. Sometimes, sisters. Sorority is the family we have chosen to become part of on behalf of something bigger than ourselves.

Need help?

Call 800-656-4673 to be connected with a trained staff member from a sexual assault service provider in your area.

Sexual Violence: Why Support From Our Sisterhood Matters | Sexual Assault Awareness Month

As we mentioned in the previous article, social norms and education around sex, sexuality, and gender expectations have a huge impact on how people experience and understand sexual violence. It also impacts how we perceive other people's experiences. Doubtfulness is commonly a first reaction when women tell their experience with sexual violence. For instance, inquiries around the clothes they were wearing, where they were when the episode occurred, and what they did or said that could've possibly initiated the inflictor's action.

This response is commonly perpetrated, because we have internalized gender expectations in society. The doubtfulness of the victim's narrative impairs their ability to read the situation that caused them harm, consequently, their ability to trust themselves and others. When the response comes from another woman, it feels even more hurtful and confusing, because we lose our sense of belonging, and build instead, a sense of loneliness and inadequacy within our own community.

Additionally, these responses also translate as micro-aggressions— which are either verbal or behavioral ways to treat someone, intentionally or not, that communicate hostile and/or detrimental judgment towards them. Such as the inquiry about women's life choices, holding the victims accountable for their sexual violence experiences, but have a long-term impact on how women assimilate sexual assault and guilt around it. Statements that are considered low-severity; hence, they are often unobserved or addressed, such as regarding the length of women's skirts; the amount of casual sexual partners they have; and if their behavior provoked their inflictor to react. 

As women, if we can't rely on our community to help us address sexual violence, seek acknowledgement from those we love and trust, and to validate these experiences, the path to healing becomes much longer. These expectations have shaped social interactions among women and held us from building intimacy in our relationships. Intimacy is an essential element in social trustworthy interactions, it brings us together, it strengthens the foundation of relationships. Gender norms have created a sense of competition between us. Therefore, a culture of scarcity among women because misogyny pits us against one another.  

In society, women are notoriously assumed to be judgmental, competitive, and unsupportive of each other. However, my own experience with harassment proved these statements wrong. When I felt exposed and confused, I sought help from a female friend and I found the validation and support I needed to advocate for myself. If I hadn't found support back then, my ability to read the situation would have been impaired and I wouldn't have learned how to speak up.

It is challenging to be vulnerable to someone. When we open up about these experiences, we are seeking support and validation. We are, somehow, asking permission to be who we are, unapologetically. We want to be seen, and when someone sees us, that's when we are vulnerable. It is frightening, but also an opportunity to grow outside trauma. As humans, we want to be loved and accepted. For survivors of sexual violence, it is exhausting, unfair and cruel to spend a lifetime under certain social norms, because we might as well be treated as different. Especially when society doesn't listen to what they have to say, nor protect them from harm.

The exposure to traumatic events in life increases the chances of significant mental issues such as depression, post traumatic stress disorder, and physical health problems. As a consequence, the survivors might experience a low quality life and, more often than ever, social isolation. The lack of support and understanding around sexual violence also causes harm and chronic consequences. It is crucial to build a community that supports each other, does the work on understanding ourselves, acknowledges the facts, and addresses these issues. This is the beginning to create a solution together to end sexual violence. When we unfold our story to someone we trust and they listen to us, the healing process begins to happen.

Need help?

Call 800-656-4673 to be connected with a trained staff member from a sexual assault service provider in your area.