The Power of Saying Someone's *Correct* Name
Photo by Jon Tyson on Unsplash
People chuckle when they read my bio. I usually kick off written introductions explaining my name: Lívia – (liv + ee + uh), not Olivia, not Bolivia, just Lívia. I also emphasize my accent on the í. Like Beyoncé, or Salvador Dalí.
I have a last name that sounds like a first name: Paula. Some think it's easier to call me by my last name or just assume Lívia is short for Olivia, and so on. In the first few years of living in New York, I used to feel anxious about correcting others. I didn't want to sound arrogant (remember that immigrant guilt I wrote about in my last post? Something on those lines). So, I'd let the mistake happen a few times before I would say: "Hey! It's actually Lívia." To my surprise, people welcomed those corrections. And so did my confidence.
Dale Carnegie once said: "A person's name is to him or her the sweetest and most important sound in any language." That stuck with me, as I couldn't agree more. Yet, we still see immigrants or their children and people whose unique names aren't commonly seen in the U.S. change their names to make it easier for others. And I am not here to judge anyone who chooses to do that: if they feel more comfortable with a different, easier to pronounce name, go ahead! But suppose the choice is to make others feel comfortable while belittling your identity. In that case, it's important to reflect and see if your surroundings and groups (personal and professional) are inclusive of who you are and where you come from.
Actor Uzoamaka Aduba, most famous for her role as "Crazy Eyes" in Orange is The New Black, has a great story about her name and why she didn't change it when she first started acting. Aduba said at a Glamour Magazine event that she asked her mom to change her name to Zoe when she was in grade school because no one could pronounce Uzoamaka. Her mom's response was priceless. "If they can learn to say Tchaikovsky and Michelangelo and Dostoyevsky, they can learn to say Uzoamaka." Her name means "the road is good" in Nigerian, which makes it even more special.
Using people's names (and most importantly, correct names) in conversation can help build trusting relationships and influence. For example, every time a person adds the accent to my name in an email, it makes me feel as if that person took the time to read and pay attention to the details. When people ask how to pronounce my name, it makes me feel like that person is making an effort. There are also tools now to improve that process. When I was at NYU, they added a tool where students could record their name pronunciations in the school portal, so professors could learn how to say their names before class started. That option is also now available on LinkedIn. If those tools are available to you: take advantage. If people don't have issues pronouncing your name, take advantage of those tools to learn how to pronounce others'.
Making people feel comfortable in their own identities is crucial, and names are huge when it comes to that. Whether it is pronouncing their unique names or using people's proper pronouns, here are a few tips that can help with the process:
When starting a new role or meeting new people, don't be shy when introducing yourself: it's an excellent opportunity to emphasize your unique name and how to pronounce it correctly. Whether it is the CEO or your new teammate, people will welcome the extra help. In order to foster a welcoming and collaborative environment, it's important to feel welcome and heard.
Take an extra minute to read email signatures and profile bios: while people have a short attention span, I suggest taking a minute to read someone's email signature or bios. It can help you notice that little accent, pronoun, or perhaps a pronunciation tip. It can show others you cared to learn, and trust me, it'll make them feel better. If you have a unique name, I recommend adding the pronunciation on bios, or anywhere you have your name.
Don't be afraid to ask people to pronounce their names: Getting that step out of the way early on can help the conversation run smoothly - and the relationship builds better that way! Some people are bad with remembering names in general, so being very clear and specific can make an impression and make it easier for others to remember your unique self.
Your uniqueness is beautiful - not an inconvenience to others. Embrace it!
