Scars: A Body Map of Rediscovery and Self-esteem
Scars tell a story. I have this vivid memory of me as a kid playing near the fire pit during the St. Peter Holidays in the little farm I grew up in in Northeastern Brazil, where it is tradicional to barbecue cashew nuts. That night, I got too close to the splashing oil from the nuts and had a third of my right leg burnt. The scars never faded away, neither did my frustration and shame of having scarred legs. Which led me to forever wear pants no matter how summery the weather was. It is hurtful and traumatic to go through life in a society where beauty standards are impossible to meet.
This reality is changing though, because people began to share their struggles and fears. To enlighten this conversation, I have interviewed with a couple of impressive women. Nathalia, who was born with a condition called Nevus— a birthmark that fills up one's body and face with what they call a mole on the skin, and Marianne, a breast cancer survivor who had gone through a double mastectomy in 2014. Their scars tell a story. To learn them is to heal.
Scars are like maps. They can be gentle reminders of our whole trajectory. Our victories and losses. And they all are a huge constellation that constitutes us. However, it's vital to reflect on the role these scars play in our lives, because even though they're an important piece of our story, we are who we are in spite of them.
Acceptance is an everyday job. We will face good and bad days in the process of healing and accepting ourselves. Nathalia has gone through nine facial surgeries that resulted in asymmetrical facial features. "I don't see that my face is asymmetrical. I am Nathalia.", she declares.
We must teach our children empathy and acceptance. People will see you for what you put out there. Naturally, there will be people who won't be able to see that, but that is not on you. That's on them. Nathalia remembers her childhood as the hardest time. From the age six to eight, she recalls kids bullying her by calling her by the names of horror movies characters. "Bullying is an act of power.", Nathalia enlightens.
Social Media holds togetherness. The internet world naturally reflects both good and bad human behavior; however, it is a powerful tool that we must use to our advantage. Marianne recalls earlier in 1994, when she first learned about her diagnosis, that there was no social media and she didn't know anyone who had cancer. Years later, she would create an IG account to share her artistic work, a cathartic way to alleviate the pain from radiation. "My art tells other women that they are not alone in this.", she says.
Our scars don't define us. In 2018, Nathalia started talking on her social media channel about her condition. "When I talk about it and I am vulnerable, people respond in a positive way.", she attests. After her first appearance in a conference in Chicago with other people who also have Nevus, Nathalia's desire to inspire others began to grow. That's how she met EmpowHer NY and, after being invited to talk in one of our TakeOvers, Nathalia has been invited several times to give speeches where she would share her story and inspire others. Finally, in 2019, she founded Loving My Dots. She has also participated in a very prestigious event called The Real Catwalk that happens in London annually and brings together everybody who has any sort of physical condition. Loving My Dots has grown, it's featured in the magazines and thousands of people have reached out at her to either thank or congratulate Nathalia for the extraordinary work she's doing.
The change begins within us. To Nathalia, acceptance is the word that defines most of her story. It is part of the healing process to mourn our wounds, but it is valid to perceive them in a way that can be uplifting and cheerful. Both can be true. It comes a moment though where one will hold us back from living a fulfilling life and the other will help us move forward. To Marianne, it is hurtful to realize that everything she knew was taken away from her; however, to realize that "There is light in the end. It is going to get better." kept her moving forward. She was part of the Being Flat Movement in which she met several women with similar stories as hers. She was also invited to participate as a model in the runways for AnaOno— a fashion brand that designs lingerie for breast cancer survivors. "We all were honored to walk, knowing we were doing something way bigger than ourselves.", she declared.
No one will love us before we do. Self-love echoes from inside out and it makes a huge difference on how others perceive us. "I never knew I had the courage I have.", Marianne says. That's the thing about sharing our stories, we never know who's heart we will end up touching. These women touched mine and I hope they touch yours, too. Later that day, while researching, I found a picture of a fortune cookie on Marianne's social media account that said "Turn your scars into stars.". In spite of immediately thinking "that's easier said than done." I then had a thought: if I will carry my scars forever with me and I don't care to turn them into stars, at the end of the day, there will be no bright sky to look at after the sun sets.