Sexual Violence: Why Support From Our Sisterhood Matters | Sexual Assault Awareness Month

As we mentioned in the previous article, social norms and education around sex, sexuality, and gender expectations have a huge impact on how people experience and understand sexual violence. It also impacts how we perceive other people's experiences. Doubtfulness is commonly a first reaction when women tell their experience with sexual violence. For instance, inquiries around the clothes they were wearing, where they were when the episode occurred, and what they did or said that could've possibly initiated the inflictor's action.

This response is commonly perpetrated, because we have internalized gender expectations in society. The doubtfulness of the victim's narrative impairs their ability to read the situation that caused them harm, consequently, their ability to trust themselves and others. When the response comes from another woman, it feels even more hurtful and confusing, because we lose our sense of belonging, and build instead, a sense of loneliness and inadequacy within our own community.

Additionally, these responses also translate as micro-aggressions— which are either verbal or behavioral ways to treat someone, intentionally or not, that communicate hostile and/or detrimental judgment towards them. Such as the inquiry about women's life choices, holding the victims accountable for their sexual violence experiences, but have a long-term impact on how women assimilate sexual assault and guilt around it. Statements that are considered low-severity; hence, they are often unobserved or addressed, such as regarding the length of women's skirts; the amount of casual sexual partners they have; and if their behavior provoked their inflictor to react. 

As women, if we can't rely on our community to help us address sexual violence, seek acknowledgement from those we love and trust, and to validate these experiences, the path to healing becomes much longer. These expectations have shaped social interactions among women and held us from building intimacy in our relationships. Intimacy is an essential element in social trustworthy interactions, it brings us together, it strengthens the foundation of relationships. Gender norms have created a sense of competition between us. Therefore, a culture of scarcity among women because misogyny pits us against one another.  

In society, women are notoriously assumed to be judgmental, competitive, and unsupportive of each other. However, my own experience with harassment proved these statements wrong. When I felt exposed and confused, I sought help from a female friend and I found the validation and support I needed to advocate for myself. If I hadn't found support back then, my ability to read the situation would have been impaired and I wouldn't have learned how to speak up.

It is challenging to be vulnerable to someone. When we open up about these experiences, we are seeking support and validation. We are, somehow, asking permission to be who we are, unapologetically. We want to be seen, and when someone sees us, that's when we are vulnerable. It is frightening, but also an opportunity to grow outside trauma. As humans, we want to be loved and accepted. For survivors of sexual violence, it is exhausting, unfair and cruel to spend a lifetime under certain social norms, because we might as well be treated as different. Especially when society doesn't listen to what they have to say, nor protect them from harm.

The exposure to traumatic events in life increases the chances of significant mental issues such as depression, post traumatic stress disorder, and physical health problems. As a consequence, the survivors might experience a low quality life and, more often than ever, social isolation. The lack of support and understanding around sexual violence also causes harm and chronic consequences. It is crucial to build a community that supports each other, does the work on understanding ourselves, acknowledges the facts, and addresses these issues. This is the beginning to create a solution together to end sexual violence. When we unfold our story to someone we trust and they listen to us, the healing process begins to happen.

Need help?

Call 800-656-4673 to be connected with a trained staff member from a sexual assault service provider in your area.