Hearts Series: Memoir of a Foreign Soul

The soul of a foreigner constitutes more than a state of being. It is a state of searching. This isn't a good-bye letter. This is a closure to a beautiful cycle. Yes, they surprisingly end, too. The artistic work, as everything else in life, seeks a finish line that is never there. The artist must learn how to draw such a finish line and move on to the next challenge. EmpowHer NY has been such a wonderful home, and I'm so grateful for all the brave women that I have met. It is magical to witness your peers' healing processes and, more often than ever, identify with them. Because I, too, am constantly healing. One doesn't only heal from their wounds, they also heal from their choices, and that isn't necessarily bad, it only means we embraced the good and bad that comes with the freedom of being ourselves.

To not belong can be terrifying, but it can also be liberating. Every situation we don't fit in is a page we have permission to turn. And, when we turn such a page, a brand new one takes place and suddenly, we are in charge of writing our story again. I remember being seven years old and seated at the table surrounded by talkative adults sharing their old-world truths. "You gotta be a doctor, young lady. Only doctors make good money", or "No, not at all, look at her, she is so good with words, she's gotta be a lawyer". I didn't know I was good with words, but I have always enjoyed seeing them on a piece of paper. Writing took me places I never thought I would've gone, like unexplored new worlds and facades of New York I didn't know exist. I have come to New York to write the story within the story: my own.

Those you love back home might never understand what it takes to thrive in a foreign land. Not lacking desire to do so, but for overload of care and concern. Every time I recall the day I saw my parents for the very last time before boarding to go abroad, I remember my mom's words to me. Unwillingly, she had imprinted on me several of her fears and concerns about my leaving. It took me an incredible amount of love to understand where she was coming from, it took me an even greater amount of love to convey both my respect for her and my will to take the driver seat of my own life. 

A couple of years later, her and I recalled that time fondly. In every successful relationship, it takes time to adjust to each other's needs. Sometimes, it's about exiting the land you were born in. Other times, it's about embracing that same land even if you're not there anymore. My mother and I overstepped each other's lands many times, more than we wanted to admit but, sometimes the only way to learn a map is by navigating it.

In the end, every choice we have made and every chance we have taken, it all serves a greater purpose: to let go of this silly fear of navigating our own map. The things I have learned about myself weren't necessarily always pretty and stimulating, there were some ugly pieces to it but, when I figured it out the whole, I wasn't afraid anymore. To discover the entireness of who we are is to feed our soul deeply. There is no such thing as a soul that doesn't want to be discovered, seen. For every stage of this discovery, an opportunity to learn rises. For every foreign soul that ventures outside their cocoon, a new world is born. 

Hearts Series: Memoir of a Foreign Heart

I once was told that home is where our heart is. As I grew up surrounded by family and the nuances of my own culture, I have always had the feeling that something was missing. That something was a void that, later on, I would fill with travels and the possibility of finding unknown places on Earth.

When a foreigner, who I would define here as someone in the search of a home that makes sense in their heart, travels abroad, they often know that the home they are looking for is an ongoing process that has been built inside them even before the journey itself. The search for what makes sense in life begins earlier, prematurely, in the willingness of embarking upon such endeavors. 

We must explain some myths (first) to understand the heart of a foreigner. Such as, when one ventures in an overseas land, their love for their motherland is still there and, more often than ever, it will always be. What we are looking for is a different reality, not purely a different citizenship. The soul of a foreigner will always rest on the core of their homeland. They usually transport it with them, no matter where they go. It is an accent, their home cuisine and, sometimes, their heritage. No wonder why so many cultures make a home, and room, for their entire culture. It is like bringing a small portion of their country in the suitcase.

Sometimes, we love the house we were born in, but we have to change its structure to keep the house from falling over our heads.

I came overseas because my heart felt very foreign in the nest I was constituted in. However, I would learn later in life that my heart was foreign to the land I grew up in because I was simultaneously foreign to that land as well. Sometimes, we grow outside the nest that nurtured us to understand that the nest will always be there, whenever we feel like coming back. And that itself shifts the perspective of living abroad. It is usually a choice. And when we’re not the ones making that choice, life will make them for us, and we will be just along for the ride.

The foreigner, outside their homeland, chooses to relearn everything in a nest that is, not yet, familiar to them. Isn’t it beautiful when we learn that restart is more than a verb, it is a way of life? 

The heart of a foreigner is always in a restless state because, deep down inside, their soul doesn't belong anywhere. The soul of a foreigner is constantly searching for something.

Hearts Series: Memoir Of A Foreign Mind

The year was 1989, the TV was on a 1964 Christmas special with Frank Sinatra and Bing Crosby. The foreign language hit her; she is enchanted with all the jazz. Later on, the movie on the TV is also about Christmas in a city filled with lights. Famous tall buildings and yellow cabs. Empire State of light. It is snowing lightly, and people are running through Times Square in heavy winter coats to buy last-minute holiday cards. In her hometown, there was no rush to buy holiday cards, nor the weather was so Nordic. She looked around and felt anywhere but home. She knew that, to become who she wanted to be, she would have to make a change. When she first moved to New York a couple of years ago, everything was exactly how she had expected it to be. The energy and the pace of the city that never sleeps got under her skin. She was in love, finally. For the first time in her life, she felt like she belonged. The foreign land has become home, whereas her actual homeland had always been foreign to her. The year now is 2021, away ahead in the future, neither she nor anyone would have imagined that a global pandemic would take place and that everybody, herself included, would have to rethink oldish concepts like home and purpose. 

New York is a city of foreigners. The food, the dreams, and the languages. Everything came here from elsewhere to find home, to find shelter and acceptance. Many will say New York is tough, it really is. In the midst of a pandemic, it is tougher. She managed, however, to get through this crisis and to reassure meaning in the city that embraced her in the early years of her intrepid endeavor. She decided then to celebrate the passage of this hard year by acknowledging a few things she has accomplished ever since. The pandemic is, obviously, far from over, but her spirit is rejuvenated. As if she had just moved into the arms of the Big Apple. Sometimes it is not about finding a motive, it is about creating it.

When life happens, it becomes really easy for our daily routines to overlap the big picture. The reality might not look like you have pictured in the past, but that doesn't mean you didn't get there. It only means that "there" has changed, which isn't necessarily bad, it just means life is in constant motion. The girl in our story sometimes thinks she might give up and that thought, somehow, saddened her until she realized how far she has come. The things we wish come true also change, and the sooner we accept that, the greater life gets. 

When I heard the expression "nature versus nurture" for the first time, I couldn't help but think that our foreign girl is me and that I am her. She represents all the metaphors of a foreigner's heart in their most meaningful journeys. Either to find new meaning or to fill a void, both foreign concepts to those who have chosen to take risks in life. Our foreign language is our home flag, and our accents aren't thick, they are simply strong. When we venture into a new language, we are also saying yes to a new adventure, in which we know we might not come out alive. At least, not as our old selves. 

Heart Series: Ariel Henley - A Face for Picasso

In this month's issue of our beloved Heart Series, we interviewed Ariel Henley –the author of A Face for Picasso. A book that narrates the story of the author and her twin sister and their lives with Crouzon Syndrome. It is undeniably true that our appearance determines how we will navigate the world in life. From the day we are born, our experiences will be shaped in our social circles, career, relationships, etc. Inevitably, our appearance shapes who we are at first encounters. In the social media world, as we progressively build conversations around what “normal” means, we are also learning that “normal” is just an idea. It is a hypothetical idea that does nothing besides create gaps between people. However, we are here to build bridges between us, and Ariel has just built one of her own. For herself and the surrounding community.

"A Face for Picasso is about the story of my twin sister and I, growing up with Crouzon Syndrome, which is a condition where the bones in the head fuse prematurely. Nobody in my family had it, so it took a while for them to figure out what we had. At the age of eight months old, we started having surgeries in our head and face, and it changed what we looked like. I grew up never really having a clear understanding of it."

If we lived in a society where everybody had Crouzon Syndrome, the ones who lacked that condition would be considered different. They would suffer all kinds of discrimination and uneasy approaches from those who aren't familiar with their distinct looks. Which is exactly what happens in today's society towards people with not only Crouzon Syndrome, but people with all sorts of physical differences and disabilities. What we consider normal doesn't exist anywhere else but in our minds only. 

"Growing up with a face that looks different, that is constantly being judged by. Everything was because of my face. And so, there was no permission, no room to be bad at something, to learn something. I always felt like I had to be better than everyone else just to be considered equal. Because of the way I looked, I always had to compensate."

From a place of accountability, we all share the responsibility of learning from each other's differences, of how to treat people equally in spite of their appearance. However, is it possible to also share the burden of living life without asking permission every time to walk into places without the unspoken obligation to explain why we look the way we look? If I enter a room filled with people and, somehow, they seem uncomfortable with my appearance, why is it always my job to explain my existence in order to make them less uncomfortable? Can it be the other way around? Can the people in the room have the responsibility and do the work of making me feel welcome and equal? After all, aren't we all different?

“You look at people and what you look like is what you are.", Ariel observes.

When we encounter something that doesn't look like what we have learned as “normal”, there is an urgency to categorize it, so it doesn't look as unfamiliar anymore. We need to connect right away, to fill the gap between the known and the unknown. Earlier in their lives, Ariel says that she and her sister were interviewed by the French edition of Marie Claire. What, at first, sounded like an incredible opportunity turned out to be an issue.   

"When this article came out, there was a line in there that said that our faces resembled the work of Picasso." 

The comparison with Picasso's asymmetrical face paintings landed painfully. Even though they didn't fully understand what that meant, they knew they didn't like it, Ariel recalls.

As kids, we haven't developed yet the emotional tools to understand what is going on. How was that for you?

The journalist wanted to meet with us, and for that interview, to associate it with something the readers would be able to relate to was understandable. It wasn't understandable at that time though, no. I was mad. And that's another thing that is not explored a lot.

We don't talk enough about mental health issues. We don't talk enough about the importance of holding space for all sorts of feelings. Being angry, or sad, or scared is all part of the same process: healing begins with acknowledgement. Ariel not only had to face her own experience, but also witnessed her twin sister go through the same surgeries and major changes. 

How is your relationship with your twin sister?

It was really hard to watch someone you love, someone you feel like it's the other part of you especially when you are an identical twin, go through something like this was horrible. I think that was actually worse than experiencing it because there is nothing you can do. We had surgeries at the same time a lot, we would wake up from surgeries and ask about each other first thing. She was very supportive of me writing. We are very close."

As a child, Ariel recollects she couldn't develop a sense of self because her face was always changing.

"It was hard to connect to a face that was always changing. I lived in denial a lot. I think a big part of why the Picasso painting for example made me so upset was because it acknowledged something I really didn't want to acknowledge. I could talk about surgeries but, to talk about how I was fundamentally different from other people made me very upset because I was not ready to confront it. I did not understand it. Mental health care in general has come a long way since I was a little kid going through surgeries and having my face change. The mental and the emotional aspects were not really addressed."

Our body is our nest, we have to live in it. We must love it. It is the only house in which our mind will reside. Although mental health plays a crucial role when it comes to self-love and self-acceptance, we don't talk about it enough. The path to self-knowledge is also the path to healing.

"The more that I have learned, the more I stopped apologizing for who I am.", Ariel concludes.

Ariel just finished her novel— A Face for Picasso, a title her editor suggested, and the author embraced it. Her book will come out this November, but it is already available for pre-order. The book centers around two major surgeries that the twin sisters had the summer before seventh grade that changed their look  a bit again. 

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How did the idea to write A Face for Picasso come to life?

I knew that I wanted to write this book and I have been working on it since I was twelve. Writing it is the one thing that got me through life up until this point. 

The entire process of creating art is art. Is it the role of art to provide as entertainment only or, is it the role of art to deliver the entire story behind someone's creation? When we see the artist's final product, a bridge presents itself. This bridge may connect us into the world of a detailed life that we, the audience, are not aware of yet. If we allow ourselves to learn the whole story behind a piece of art, we can actually cross the bridge from enjoying a piece of art to experiencing it.

"I wanted to make my story more palatable. Physical difference and disability are something that is not explored a lot and people are not comfortable with it. There is this pressure to, even when you are different, to seem as normal as possible still."

In a world predominantly normal (gigantic quotation marks in the air around the word normal), to find a community we can relate to is key. That is how we realize that, after all, we are not alone in this. A Face for Picasso is not only a compilation of Ariel's lifetime creative writing work, but also sheds light on one of the greatest truths in life: representation matters. The author recalls growing up not knowing that there were other people with the same condition as she and her sister. When she found community, she also found herself.

"The more I learned about other people's life stories and their experiences and met other people with other craniofacial conditions even, I found a community and an acceptance that I didn't know it was there. It made me sad that I had spent so many years and that other people spent so many years thinking that they are alone when they are not."

The legacy of a writer often reflects what they have acquired in life. A sense of belonging, relationships, challenges, answered and unanswered questions. Ariel brings to life A Face for Picasso as a result of her own journey of deep searching for something bigger than life. She would hope, during her creative writing process, that we would find something great in our own journeys, too.   

"I learned a lot about myself. I feel like I couldn't rest until I was done with it. I have wanted to write this for so long and I have wanted for people, especially younger people with craniofacial conditions or with Crouzon Syndrome, to have a story that they could relate to, too. Hopefully in some ways. I hope other people's journeys are positive."

After going through all these experiences in life, who are you?

I'm still working through that a little. I have got to the terms of not being what I look like, I have always known that I am a person, not a face, and now I am trying to start to embrace that, and I hope that continues. I am passionate and outspoken, and I get angry, but I'm learning that it's ok to be angry. It's ok to get mad when things are wrong in the world, to get mad about injustice whether it is toward yourself or someone else. It is ok to say what you need and what you deserve and to know that you are a valuable person, and you deserve to take up space and if other people want to make you feel bad or want to shame you for something, that shame is not yours to carry."

What would you say to a younger person with Crouzon Syndrome?

There is nothing wrong with you. If other people want to make you feel bad or want to say that there is something wrong with you, that is not your problem. As hard as it is right now, you will come out of this.

They say the eyes are the window to the soul. During the entire interview, Ariel's eyes expressed kindness. The type of kindness that moves every soul into purpose. As a writer, it is quite wonderful to watch someone building a legacy for others with such devotion and generosity. Ariel's written work enables us to look within ourselves and search for answers and meaning. It teaches us that we must embrace the journey we are in and move forward. One page at a time.

Heart Series: Jelena Aleksich - Founder of The Confetti Project

Jelena Aleksich

Jelena Aleksich

2020 is finally over, but we are still picking up the pieces. We have learned to work remotely, but are still figuring out how to do it healthily. We have learned to compromise on deadlines and dreams, but are still longing the old days when we could come and go freely. We have learned how to live through a pandemic, but are still behind when it comes to overcoming it. It has been a year about loss, adaptation and survival and, among that, there's grief. So why don't we talk more often about it? To answer that and a few other questions, I talked to Jelena Aleksich, the founder of The Confetti Project— an initiative that portraits people doused in confetti (Yup! You heard it just right! Confetti!) as a result of exploring one of the biggest questions in life:

What do you celebrate?

Six years and over two hundred celebratory sessions later, Jelena has built a community of people who celebrate life among other things. "I'm trying to redefine what celebration means. We don't have to be deserving of celebration. We don't need to be waiting on a pile of confetti, or have a birthday, or a big milestone or we don't have to wait to watch someone we love die. We don't need to be awakened by tragedy.", she enlightens. 

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When The Confetti Project had to abruptly cease its in person sessions because of Covid, an immediate grief took place but, as after all torrential storms, a clear sky showed up along afterwards. "I already had some storms, so when this big one came, I knew a breakthrough would come from this breakdown if I were patient, kind and compassionate with myself. It completely made me realize what I've been doing with confetti. I am changing the way confetti is used. For being the worldwide symbol of celebration from thousands of years, that is why when we see confetti, we automatically connect it with celebration." Within a few months into the pandemic, Jelena has built an unimaginable bridge. She brought grief and celebration together while using confetti as a tool: "Confetti is the new healing modality. Grief and Celebration has become a subset of the Confetti Project.", she explains. 

The project offers a safe space for grief and healing. "Holding space for everything that grief brings up is healing.", Jelena declares. To celebrate grief with confetti and community is her mission. She alerts, "Where it becomes dangerous is when you don't allow yourself to feel it." In a society that oversimplifies grief, it is essential to humanize it and demystify it in order to allow the process of healing to happen. "Grief is the most universal experience, the most universal truth.", Jelena says. Last December, the 19th, I participated in the workshop Grief As Celebration |  Reflecting + Releasing 2020. My package with confetti arrived days before with a warm little note, confetti and instructions for the event.

the confetti project

How has the process with confetti been for you?

I have been working with confetti for many years and I have been holding space for other people. At the same time, it was a reciprocal experience. I was feeling the effects of healing.

And that was exactly how I felt in my own experience in my own Grief + Celebration process. "These little pieces of paper give you freedom to be able to express yourself.", Jelena says. It's like being a child again. We are freer when we are kids and we deal with grief in a different way. Perhaps we have more tools or less fear. In our adulthood, we are socially castrated in so many ways. The permission to make a mess with confetti can be a breakthrough in life. "We need a lot of permission to do things. Permission to make a mess. Permission to even celebrate challenging things.", she concludes.

How do you perceive this connection?

A lot of adults love to grasp onto illusions of control because there is so much that is uncertain. Our whole existence is rooted in uncertainty.

As the workshop progressed, that group of strangers began to share their experiences. One at a time, we gave space and held space for one another. Historically, we are taught to feel ashamed of our feelings, we are taught to only carefully outlet our emotions. However, once I witnessed my peers opening up their hearts, I felt compelled to do the same and a change happened. By sharing my experience, I rinsed off some of that unreasonable shame. By embracing my grief, I found out I wasn't alone in my pain. It is cathartic to realize how many things can be cured by being in community.

"We are all connected to our grief in one way or another."

the confetti project

How does it make you feel that now people are doing the confetti at home and they are a little more in charge of their own process with confetti?

I love it. I love that people can have their own experience at their own homes, I think that is beautiful. The model has shifted so much this year with not being able to meet in person, how much that impacts more accessibility. People don't have to live in NY to be able to do it.

What is the future of The Confetti Project?

The year of 2020 has been a turning point for it. As creatives, we envision futures that don't exist yet. We are the bridges to actualizing that for people to see. I'm always thinking about the future of this work. It is one of my life purposes. I truly believe I was meant to be the vessel through this specific message. I'll be getting a space in the future, a community and lifestyle space. First line of products called mental hygiene collection, which used confetti and journaling to have more mental health check-ins throughout your week or day. The Grief and Celebration Initiative will grow.

Jelena lost her father in a battle against cancer. For a whole year, as she watched him fight for his life, she brought The Confetti Project to life. 

After six years of all that you've learned, what would you say to your dad now? If you had a chance to look him in the eye and say it, what would be the message?

I would just hug him and thank him for everything. I would thank him for teaching me what unconditional love is and for how to live life well, I would thank him for everything that I have become. I am everything that I am because of him.

Would you have to say for those who are grieving right now?

You are valid. Everything you're feeling is valid. If you feel alone, you would be surprised by how many people are feeling what you're feeling. We all feel the same things, maybe in different ways and in different times but, grief connects every single person. It is okay for you to feel what you're feeling. You are feeling something many people are afraid to feel. Reach out to your community. It is not that you are alone, you have been given this opportunity to go deeper within yourself and feel everything that is coming up.

the confetti project

When the workshop ended, we were all covered in confetti of all colors. It felt like a giant hug from life. A gentle reminder that beauty and fragility can coexist. "The confetti is a beautiful metaphor for it. Because it is so spontaneous, and it moves. When you use it, you can't control it. It is a reflection on life in itself. All you can do is keep moving forward and try to be as present as possible. It is a nice way to get out of your head and bring the energy in your body. And to be in the moment.", Jelena summarizes. 

One of Jelena's most powerful statements that resonates with me is "All of the people that we have lost, they have given us that gift of being closer to our mortality." because it made me realize that to celebrate grief is an opportunity to reset life. For better or worse, the idea of mortality is what gives life meaning and a sense of purpose. Towards the end of our interview, she asks "How many times do you have something physical to represent all the stuff that is happening in your mind?". Almost never, I suggested. That's what confetti does. "It gives you an edge, it gives you that superpower of thinking about who you were and allowing for you to be present.", Jelena concludes.

the confetti project

When the workshop was over, I played some music. As the sound and the lyrics traversed the room, I thought of my friend who passed away four years ago. I thought of how much she liked that song and how much fun she would have had with confetti herself if she was here. As I gathered up the remaining confetti off the floor, I didn't bother to pursue the scattered ones presumably behind the couch or underneath the rug because that could be a memoryland for the residual effect of confetti. A few weeks from now, as I get ready for another important thing to cross off my routine to-do list, a piece of confetti may cross my day and completely shift my energy. It may remind me too that life is worth living not because it ends, but because it always begins somewhere.

All images are courtesy of Jelena. You can check out The Confetti Project here. :)

2020: The Year We Could Reasonably Cancel Hope. Why Didn't We?

A few years from now, historians will be able to tell, better yet, to measure and demonstrate how depressive the year of 2020 was. In light of the fact that the continuity of our species is threatened with extinction by plagues and climate crisis, we seem eager to still build a legacy our descendants might rely on. As the end of the year holidays approach but the festivities are at risk, will the holidays spirit last?

To gather is the most powerful human aspect. It has kept us alive through time, it has helped us evolve and find new ways to survive. In every culture, social gatherings are symptomatic of a people's History and it demonstrates how they operate as a society. It also assures that their cultural aspects travel through generations. We have been experiencing the abstinence of these social rituals for nearly a year now since the pandemic started and, without foreseeing an end to it, we are on the edge of our mental health. Hundreds of last-minute adjustments, thousands of deaths and millions of postponed dreams due to this year's chaotic interval. As we get used to traversing the unknown, a sense of deep reflection and decision making takes place in our lives.

People are still getting married, writing novels, having children and falling in love. Somehow, the motion of life found its way into the future. What this future will look like is less of a concern because to believe that there will be a future is what keeps us moving forward. A crisis is composed of several stages. We fear what we don't understand, we get frustrated at what we can't control, we accept what we can't change, and we mourn what we no longer have. For each stage, a hint of hope serves as a guide through each process. An instance of hope that no matter how long every stage lasts, it will eventually come to an end. Every time we lose something, it can simply be a loss, but it can also be an opportunity. An opportunity to learn, to start fresh and to be grateful.

This has been a tough year, if we can all agree on that. If so, it does sound somewhat reasonable to stop believing that things will get better, right? Well, not exactly because both can be true; however, if we are willing to build a life in this disruptive world, we might as well just hold on to hope. Because the desire for something other than ordinary to happen can be miraculous. One day, all of us will take a look into the past and we will have absolutely no idea how we made it through these current times. This article will be History, so will photos and actions and everything else we built as an attempt to make sense of all of this.

I, as many others who came to NewYork to make their dreams come true, also hope to see a friendlier version of this new world. As we say goodbye to older habits and dreams, we create new ones. And once again here we are falling in love, having children, writing novels and making new friends and new memories under the hope that, one day, this year will be just a memory we like to talk about in the gatherings at the end of the year holidays. I started writing this article under the hope of coming out of it someone different but I didn't. Somehow, the words that came were already in me and I just had to realize that. For you, who's reading these final lines right now and secretly wondered if this article was about you... It was! Because, in the end, we most certainly agree that there is no reality in which we don't overcome this year. Happy holidays, everybody!

In Times of An Endless Global Pandemic: Inner Closeness And Other Thoughts

I am a writer living the dream during a premature midlife crisis in the midst of a global pandemic. I started writing this novel two years ago because I needed closure to things I didn't fully understand. In a writer's world, this is often a gift or a curse. For me, it was both. 

My novel is about time. It took me a while to see that. When you're writing a long-form piece, the purpose behind the narrative takes a long time to reveal itself. Sometimes, it takes the entire written work before we find out what it is about. For me, it happened  two chapters from the end. I realized that the questions I've been meaning to ask have always been there.They've merely been mutating, traversing between my thoughts. 

The pandemic is still happening out there. The world has stopped for a while because of the Coronavirus, a disease that doesn't require introduction. It has spread faster than the News and reached places further than the internet could ever have. Earlier in March, we were told to stay home in order to flatten the curve, because the amount of sick people would soon outnumber the health system's capacity all around the globe. Hospitals, healthcare workers, the hope that we would defeat the virus before it defeated us. All saturated. We haven't flattened the first to begin with and we are about to face it again.

The protagonist of my book seems to think she has all the time in the world in her hands. She doesn't and she'll find out soon enough. Those who know me well would say I'm a ruthless writer, a stark contrast with my otherwise compassionate and romantic nature. I do not protect my characters from the harder realities of life. Every writer flirts with the idea of playing God, of sewing together the stories of characters who initially didn't relate to one another. In this writing process, to fuse the avenues of these lives is to create something the writer might not be ready for, but, we don't hesitate to take the risk. The possibility of foisting these characters’ fates into a new world order feels powerful and intoxicating.

My novel is about choice. I have never had time to do anything I wanted to do. There was always something in my way. Family, jobs, to-do lists. Now, I have all the time in the world, don't I? In a pandemic, we are just perishable passers-by amongst these geographic islands we've built, so what does all the time in the world even mean? It means now. It means there's no such a thing as all the time in the world. It means I've waited long enough to do so many things. This realization is overwhelming, yet healing.

As I write this piece, New York City is about to go on lock-down for the second time. And, as the pandemic goes by and we all continue to talk about social distancing, I keep thinking of the idea of closeness. Not social closeness but an inner closeness with ourselves. That moment in life when we silence the voices of the world and only listen to our own. This unfamiliar moment of truth. Am I happy with the person I have become? What do I stand for? Who am I when no one is watching? It's a hard task but, there couldn't be a better time to do it.

Finishing my novel was cathartic and beautiful. My protagonist realized that having all the time in the world is a fallacy. Nevertheless, she endured the choices she made. Suddenly, time wasn't a burden anymore, it was freedom. She could never control time, so she decided to walk with it. After all, it's not about how much time we have, but how we will spend it.

There's no greater bridge in the world that connects people than a story. As we blindly walk towards an unsettling future, social distancing is essential to contain the spread of the Coronavirus. Yet, we might find the time to practice inner closeness too. For us. For those we love. Perhaps, we'll learn something new about time, people and ourselves. When social distancing is over and we're able to assemble again, togetherness will hopefully have a different taste. I daydream about the day we'll return to the streets with eager arms to embrace the new world we might come out to. A world where we've been truly given a second chance. A second chance to consider time. Ours and everyone else's. A second chance to contemplate the privilege of choice and be grateful for it.

The Right to Live Offline

I will dare to be carelessly honest with you here. The idea for this article came up one day when I was watching our founder Ingrid Silva's IG stories. By the time this article is being written, Ingrid is pregnant. She had revealed it on her social media in a beautiful campaign, she explained to her audience the reasons why she hadn't revealed her pregnancy earlier. I wish I had recorded my reaction in that very moment because you wouldn't believe it: right before she even says it, I'm thinking "she has the right to embrace and enjoy this experience by herself first and with her family.” Two seconds later, she says it. Weird huh? Actually it is not. As a disclaimer, this is not an article about influencers and their highly demanding audiences. This is an article about people. You and I, allegedly anonymous people trying to make it in this newbie showbiz we call social media, go through the same struggle. Our communities, family and friends, people we love and care about have been constantly and unknowingly demanding from us to live our lives online. What happens when a first-time-mother-to- be pursues the right to privately enjoy such experience with her beloved ones? She has to justify it. Some must argue that this is only happening because she is huge on the internet; however, this could not be further from being true and I will demonstrate here why. 

If the food beautifully presents itself on our plate, a picture before eating it must be taken. If we look effortlessly gracious for any reason, a selfie before going out is mandatory. Remember that trip to Paris with your best friend when you bought that fabulous hat and the wind blew it away and you had to run to get it back and you almost didn't? Wow, that was fun but, did you record that moment? No? Bummer, it would have been a fun memory to have registered in that expensive camera. What happened in the last couple of years that made us shape our lives behind the camera in order to look in a certain way in front of it? Are we living in a fulfilling way or are you just building audiences? 

Another interesting topic I'd like to bring is parental social media behavior. It is out of discussion that the internet has become a digital and convenient bridge between families who live away. Parents will update their children's lives online in order to fulfill the distance between states or, more often than ever, countries. However, when do we draw the line between what is acceptable on social media channels and what is not? The matter of the fact is we have been immersed in this culture for only two decades and already the consequences of this abrupt, and not subtle, change have printed new standards of social and cultural behavior in society. Studies will say that two decades is not a very long time for a technology or curve of behavior to change a society and yet, the internet has done so in such a short period of time, which brings to my attention another thought: we have not been taught any social media etiquette. Although we have seen it recently, the idea of managing the amount of hours or to simply curate what goes online or not has never been in the original plans of those who created these tools. Social media channels are designed for addiction, compulsive behavior and no sense of boundaries whatsoever. Back to my point, this is why it has become socially unacceptable to live an offline life. 

It is not only mandatory to be constantly online and to share our deepest experiences, we have also raised the bar to a new standard: the happier and trendier the moments in our lives are, the more instagrammable they become. It is not only expected to leave our private lives behind us but, the way we live must go through some changes before even thinking of living this life. For instance, when we think about an outfit, we automatically, yet subconsciously, take into consideration if the same outfit will look good on that picture we'll share later. How many times have we gotten to that restaurant or to that party and taken pictures right after getting there? After all, instagrammable pictures must be taken while hair and outfit are still impeccable, right? 

Bringing into conclusion, the social media world is fantastic. It opens doors every single day to so many people. It connects us to job opportunities, it brings us close to family when we're living abroad and don't always find the time to catch up on the phone. The list of benefits is vast and I won't deny it. Social media is good and it can conduct us towards a world of infinite possibilities. It is not about demonizing social media, it is about paying close attention to how we use it to our benefit and to make life better and not the other way around. If the internet is a democratic world in which we can be whoever we want, why is it so hard to allow others to decide whatever they want to live in or out of it?    

Surviving the Pandemic With Love and Humor: a Guidance to Kindness and Self-Acceptance

I am a writer living the dream in a premature mid-life crisis during the global Covid-19 pandemic. It seems like a lot and it is. How am I surviving? Not sure yet. But I'm still here. Years ago, I promised myself I would keep on writing as long as I could breathe. The world has changed since Covid-19 has taken place. New manners, new habits. The mindset of the new normal is upon us. We are grieving things that haven't been born yet. The dream wedding; that trip to South Asia; the incredible plans we couldn't wait to run; the answers for our uneasy questions; the wonders of a better tomorrow. We, humans, love to make plans, that is how we escape the present. Reality lies in the moment we are at and the current reality kind of sucks. It was there, in the middle of the longest creative block of my life, that I had an epiphany: I am the mother of my emotions. I can not control how they are going to unveil but I can take action towards a positive response to it.  

It was a regular pandemic day. Day number 176 to be exact. I woke up and nothing. I felt only the emptiness of ideas as if they have vanished overnight. I was going to write about the female body and its right to exist in the world, but the topic was too close to home and I couldn't do it. There were just too many open wounds to deal with at once. Stephen King once said that “It starts with this: put your desk in the corner, and every time you sit down there to write, remind yourself why it isn't in the middle of the room. Life isn't a support system for art. It's the other way around.” This quote has been my daily mantra until Day 176 of this pandemic. I used to write to survive but, what happens when the one thing you feel you are really good at no longer brings you joy? What happens when the meaningfulness of something you love suddenly fades away? What can we do to survive when the tools we have known for so long don't work anymore?

Writing has always been an expression of who I am. When I found myself incapable of writing, I was scared. Then, I realized that after six months within a global pandemic, it is a natural response to not feel ourselves. When I realized this is a temporary phase and it will pass eventually, the answer was simple: I had to wait it out. Easier said than done but, it is perfectly fine to embrace the oddness of the current times. Especially when what you do requires a lot of cognitive work. History has told us that many artists and writers have overly produced their work through a crisis, which is valid and quite inspiring; however, it is important to have in mind that many artists also made good use of procrastination through tough times. If you are feeling exhausted with everything that is going on and in need of a break, we are in this together. Here are some of the things I have been doing in order to remain sane. As far as possible, of course.

Read a book you have been aiming for. Not a classic because there's some pressure to read those, nor a best seller just because your friends told you so. Search in your memory or on your phone that one book we have been dying to read and start reading it. The more we enjoy a story, the deeper we dive into its narrative and, as a result, your brain gets a bit of a rest from everything that is going on out there.

Plan a Friday night ritual. We all know what Friday nights are about: pressure to dress up, go out with your friends or do something fancier. Gentle reminder: we are living through a pandemic that is far from an end so, be creative. Silence all the voices of the world and find out what you really want to watch. This must be a judgement free zone in order to work. As for me, I have binged The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel, followed by a bottle of wine and Chinese food.

Make time to be with yourself. As for now, the quarantine has been put on hold and we are all craving for some social interaction - always social distancing obviously, with our beloved ones. Since we have been stuck in our homes for a long time, consider going out to places you have been wanting to go by yourself. A change of setting might just be what you need to recharge. I have been making regular visits to Central Park, people watching and eating snacks. Always in the company of that book we talked about earlier. My choice was Grande Sertão: Veredas - a six-hundred pages novel written by the greatest Brazilian writer Guimarães Rosa. Here's a helpful hint: as a bilingual writer, reading in Portuguese - my first language, has kept me closer to home in these troubled times. 

Extend the kindness you devote to others to yourself. The reason why I didn't start this paragraph with "Be kind to yourself." is because I have always thought I was being kind to myself during challenging times; however, I was not. A mind-blowing way to figure that out is to do this simple exercise: Pick a situation in your life you feel guilty about. Now, put a beloved friend of yours in your shoes. How would you respond to that? Would you be as rigid with them? Would you consider more deeply the circumstances they are at? While doing this exercise, I realized I was too hard on myself, hence, there is no way to win this battle. The kindness I extend to others, I shall extend to myself too. That is the key to self-care.

Laugh. No matter how difficult the situation is, we are resourceful. Somedays, all we have to do is survive. Get through the night that ends a very long day. This is a long day, but it will pass. Humor is not intended to disrespect nor dismiss the emotions of a difficult reality, but humor is there to help us to get through these moments. Our entire bodies are organic machines of adaptability. As for me, it took a couple of weeks to finish an article that would normally take me a day, but that is okay. I did it for me. I did it for us. Because, sometimes, the only way out is through. The way through though can be scary and obscure but, if we hold hands (virtually), we can make it to the other side.

Toxic Positivity: The Light at the End of the Tunnel Is Off

Since the pandemic started, we have lost so much. People, jobs, dreams, opportunities, momentum. Life, as it is, has become hard enough for us to rethink it. Undeniably, every single one of us had lost something after Covid-19 hit us. And it hit us hard. No one was prepared for it and we probably never will. While we learn how to live and lose simultaneously, life keeps its course, leaving us nothing but an unsettling timeframe to work with. Is there anything left for us to do? Yes. We must take a deep breath and think positively, right? Wrong! Lately, we have been surrounded by what we call toxic positivity, which is the belief that, while struggling with something, we must speed through our emotions. And, even though this expression is quite new, there is evidence that we are lacking an old friend: balance.

Toxic positivity is a mental mechanism in which we ignore bad feelings and deny negative emotions in order to recover sooner from an unpleasant situation. The problem is, by speeding through the negative emotions, the healing process lacks this piece of the emotional equation. There is no shortcut to utterly heal, therefore, it is crucial to listen to our body and mind and learn our own healing process.

Since it is no longer acceptable to talk about achieving perfection, we moved the focus somewhere else. We are now obsessed with the perfect state of mind: to be unconditionally and irrevocably happy, happy, happy! We forget that happiness is a state of mind to be conquered, not granted. We only know happiness because sadness exists. Both can coexist and yet, we can choose to live a fulfilling and happy life. Not all the time, but as much as possible. The idea is happiness intrinsically connected to the idea of pursuing. One doesn't exist without the other. The pursuit of happiness is what keeps us going.

Aren't we all deniers? A denier is someone who refuses to admit the truth or existence of something. Sometimes for fear, other times for lack of tools to fight the truth or deal with it. Although denial is an important element that keeps us functioning in certain circumstances, it is imperative to find room for the negative emotions as well, they are an inseparable part to the path that leads to healing.

Sometimes, acknowledgement is plenty. One particular side of toxic positivity is that one is bombarded with positive quotes, when instead we might actually need the supportive ones. There is an interesting article on Huffpost about toxic positivity with several examples of things we automatically say to one another that we might think are harmless, but are in fact, harmful and overwhelming. Especially in the light of the fact that, due to Covid-19 global pandemic, it is more important than never to take care of our mental health.

It takes time to heal. Not everybody else's time, but our own. We live in a culture obsessed with fixing things. And given the fact that mental health became a huge conversation topic these days, we seem to be eager to fix it. There is, obviously, nothing wrong with the attempts to fix whatever is going wrong in order to live a happier and more fulfilling life, the problem is how fast we want to get it over with. Healing is a daily process and living a life running against time to get it done as quickly as possible is not helpful. It is, in fact, a source of anxiety. If we take a look at the last year numbers of cases on depression and suicide because of anxiety, we will have a better idea of how urgent it is to stop toxic positivity. 

Toxic positivity seems to be the new "life is perfect" movement in the internet era. Since we can no longer sell the idea of perfection, we swerved our behavior in a different direction for the sake of keeping denial on the menu, that is part of human nature. Everyone has the right to cope with difficult times in their own way; however, we must learn to give to each other the permission to feel whatever we want to feel. After a few months since the pandemic took over globally, the new normal is somewhere between the longing for life as it used to be and the desire to go back to that life. We must mourn our losses whatever they are. If it's a small or big loss, it is nobody's job to figure that out, but you. When we allow others the space to feel, we end up learning our own boundaries and start creating the space for us as well. The more we fight it, the longer it will take for us to adjust to this new life. Life has already been hard enough, let's just let it be for a while. And whenever we're ready, we go from there.

Scars: A Body Map of Rediscovery and Self-esteem

Scars tell a story. I have this vivid memory of me as a kid playing near the fire pit during the St. Peter Holidays in the little farm I grew up in in Northeastern Brazil, where it is tradicional to barbecue cashew nuts. That night, I got too close to the splashing oil from the nuts and had a third of my right leg burnt. The scars never faded away, neither did my frustration and shame of having scarred legs. Which led me to forever wear pants no matter how summery the weather was. It is hurtful and traumatic to go through life in a society where beauty standards are impossible to meet.

This reality is changing though, because people began to share their struggles and fears. To enlighten this conversation, I have interviewed with a couple of impressive women. Nathalia, who was born with a condition called Nevus— a birthmark that fills up one's body and face with what they call a mole on the skin, and Marianne, a breast cancer survivor who had gone through a double mastectomy in 2014. Their scars tell a story. To learn them is to heal. 

Scars are like maps. They can be gentle reminders of our whole trajectory. Our victories and losses. And they all are a huge constellation that constitutes us. However, it's vital to reflect on the role these scars play in our lives, because even though they're an important piece of our story, we are who we are in spite of them.

Acceptance is an everyday job. We will face good and bad days in the process of healing and accepting ourselves. Nathalia has gone through nine facial surgeries that resulted in asymmetrical facial features. "I don't see that my face is asymmetrical. I am Nathalia.", she declares.

We must teach our children empathy and acceptance. People will see you for what you put out there. Naturally, there will be people who won't be able to see that, but that is not on you. That's on them. Nathalia remembers her childhood as the hardest time. From the age six to eight, she recalls kids bullying her by calling her by the names of horror movies characters. "Bullying is an act of power.", Nathalia enlightens. 

Social Media holds togetherness. The internet world naturally reflects both good and bad human behavior; however, it is a powerful tool that we must use to our advantage. Marianne recalls earlier in 1994, when she first learned about her diagnosis, that there was no social media and she didn't know anyone who had cancer. Years later, she would create an IG account to share her artistic work, a cathartic way to alleviate the pain from radiation. "My art tells other women that they are not alone in this.", she says.

Our scars don't define us. In 2018, Nathalia started talking on her social media channel about her condition. "When I talk about it and I am vulnerable, people respond in a positive way.", she attests. After her first appearance in a conference in Chicago with other people who also have Nevus, Nathalia's desire to inspire others began to grow. That's how she met EmpowHer NY and, after being invited to talk in one of our TakeOvers, Nathalia has been invited several times to give speeches where she would share her story and inspire others. Finally, in 2019, she founded Loving My Dots.  She has also participated in a very prestigious event called The Real Catwalk that happens in London annually and brings together everybody who has any sort of physical condition. Loving My Dots has grown, it's featured in the magazines and thousands of people have reached out at her to either thank or congratulate Nathalia for the extraordinary work she's doing.

The change begins within us. To Nathalia, acceptance is the word that defines most of her story. It is part of the healing process to mourn our wounds, but it is valid to perceive them in a way that can be uplifting and cheerful. Both can be true. It comes a moment though where one will hold us back from living a fulfilling life and the other will help us move forward. To Marianne, it is hurtful to realize that everything she knew was taken away from her; however, to realize that "There is light in the end. It is going to get better." kept her moving forward. She was part of the Being Flat Movement in which she met several women with similar stories as hers. She was also invited to participate as a model in the runways for AnaOno— a fashion brand that designs lingerie for breast cancer survivors. "We all were honored to walk, knowing we were doing something way bigger than ourselves.", she declared.

No one will love us before we do. Self-love echoes from inside out and it makes a huge difference on how others perceive us. "I never knew I had the courage I have.", Marianne says. That's the thing about sharing our stories, we never know who's heart we will end up touching. These women touched mine and I hope they touch yours, too. Later that day, while researching, I found a picture of a fortune cookie on Marianne's social media account that said "Turn your scars into stars.". In spite of immediately thinking "that's easier said than done." I then had a thought: if I will carry my scars forever with me and I don't care to turn them into stars, at the end of the day, there will be no bright sky to look at after the sun sets.

Can Meditation Save Us From This Overstimulating Social Media World? | Mind

The answer is: it depends. Meditation is certainly key to a more balanced life and mental health; however, other measures must be taken along with it in order to conquer the overwhelmingness social media and the internet has brought into our lives. Measures such as creating boundaries for our usage of social media; making more conscious decisions about who we follow and who we don't; learning our worth in the world in spite of what the internet dictates; learning a healthier usage of social media and turning it into our ally instead of our foe. Meditation is crucial to this conversation because it is the way to all of those measures we are talking about. I have been trained to practice TM— Transcendental Meditation, at the David Lynch Foundation and, after the past two years of practice, I'd like to share some of the knowledge I have gained during this time. 

To silence the noises of the outside world. The last time we talked, we chatted about how listening to our hearts is crucial to figuring out choices in life. When we silence the voices of the world, such as memories, thoughts, deadlines, etc, we gain the opportunity to listen to our own. Although meditation doesn't silence completely all the noises at first, the more I meditate, the more fluid and less noisy my meditation is. It is not easy to let go of our daily preoccupations and concerns, but meditating has helped me to better manage them.

To comprehend our pain. Meditation helps to connect body and mind. I found myself in situations where I could manage my thoughts and actions, but not my feelings. After the first months into meditation, this connection between mind and body got closer.  

To reduce stress. Anxiety is the disease of our century, it is the main cause of several mental illnesses as we discussed a few articles ago. The world is filled with so much new information that our brains are not capable of processing not even half of the amount we are exposed to. The news; new applications; new ways of communicating socially; new ways of engaging professionally; etc, that we find ourselves in the midst of an endless cycle of stimulation and zero time to recalibrate, much less to rest. Therefore, meditation plays an important role in this dynamic because it is proved to, not only reduce stress, but to also strengthen our ability to filter what is good or bad for us in the middle of all of this. With time, our brains get better at anticipating unnecessary or harmful stimulation and not getting as overwhelmed as it would before.  

To connect with ourselves and others. You probably have heard about mindfulness— the state of being conscious or aware of something, right? I won't dig too deeply into it because this is a more practical article but, I will tell you this: meditation has kept me in the present moment. How do I know that? Because the more I meditate, the quieter my mind gets. Consequently, there is less interference between my mind and body and when such a connection happens, the awareness of my surroundings is effortlessly organic.

Improve focus. In almost two years, meditation has rewired my brain. The more I meditate, the faster my brain accesses a state of full relaxation. With time, it made me feel less anxious and more happy. I also noticed that I have been applying my meditation techniques in life. For instance, in TM— Transcendental Meditation, I was told to not fight random thoughts while meditating. Instead, I would let them come and go fluidly. That way, I would direct my energy and concentration into meditation. Therefore, the random thoughts would quickly go away. In my daily life, especially when I'm working, I feel more present in the moment and distractions such as the tempting feeling of reaching out for my phone all day long, slightly went away.  

Meditation is a mental portable spa. I can meditate from everywhere in the world and still access the part of the brain that silences outside noises. There are no tools or equipment required, only a place where we feel it is safe and quiet enough for us to dive into the marvelousness of stimulating our brain and body to work together through meditation. 

Ultimately, meditation is an organic way to connect to others and with nature. In a world where everything we experience happens behind a screen, meditation brings us back to our inner self, brings us back to the present moment. That is what they call mindfulness, the state of being conscious or aware of something. I myself like to call it lifefulness, a state of choosing to be exactly where we are in life. At the end, meditation might not save us from this overstimulating social media world, but it will surely guide us to get through it in a healthier and more positive way.

PRIDE MONTH - Ways To Actively Enhance Allyship For The LGBTQ+ Community

The word of the moment is action in these unprecedented times. Since the last time we talked about ways to become an anti-racist because we can no longer accept things the way they are, I figured it was also time to do my homework in regards of the LGBTQ+ community around me. As a straight woman, I acknowledge my privilege of walking into places the LGBTQ+ community has been denied to enter; however, being aware of that is not enough. In order to accomplish that, it is crucial to do work of understanding the role we play in this society and educating ourselves about what we can do to help. Consequently, taking action is essential to fight prejudice against the LGBTQ+ community and to assure their right to live and to be in this world.

We must fight for tolerance. I will dare to say that the lack of it is the root of all the evil society has inflicted on the minorities through time. We talk very much about acceptance, but we can not expect everyone to accept one's truth or life choice, we have however the right to demand respect for it. Because tolerance is the foundation of a more fair society. At the end of the day, we don't have to agree with one another, but we must tolerate the differences that constitute the society we are surrounded by. Notice that acceptance is debatable, but tolerance is not negotiable.

We must educate ourselves. Education is another important word this year because in school, we are not taught how to navigate social awareness and justice, nor how to read the nuances that form the environment we grew up in. Instead, we have been conditioned to fit in according to certain models, leaving no room for observation and learning of how diversified life choices can be, especially the ones related to our sexuality. Now that the internet approximates people all over the world, there are several reliable channels we can gather knowledge from. Once we learn more about the LGBTQ+ community, their fears and struggles, their beauty and value, we will better understand how to become their allies and we will feel more equipped to fight along with them.

We must educate others around us. To educate ourselves is a great step towards a safer future for the LGBTQ+ community, but that is just the beginning. It makes a great difference to be aware of our surroundings and stand up when we witness prejudice. We must as well teach our children how to appropriately navigate social situations in which they encounter people from the LGBTQ+ community. Regardless of which generation you belong to, one's uniqueness should be celebrated and respected, especially in a world where everyone has always been conditioned to blend in, because we were taught that sameness means safety and acceptance.

We must normalize the different. Diversity has been a trendy theme for the past decade or so. The more we explore what the world has to offer, the more we understand we are not alone in our uniqueness. The same thing happens when we are talking about the LGBTQ+ community, we can not change the way we were born. Society is the one that must change the way it treats the LGBTQ+ community. Uniqueness is beautiful and it must be respected and preserved. 

Heterosexuality is not the norm. The first transgender that History registered was named Lili Elbe— a danish artist who was born a male and went through a sex reassigment surgery in 1930. It is worth reflecting on the fact that the LGBTQ+ community has always existed, but now they have more access and more visibility. You know that old conservative neighbor of yours who always says "There wasn't this much LGBTQ+ in the past.” The thing is there were, and the difference is that now we can no longer ignore their existence. Sometimes it is not about what we see, it is about how we see and that makes a huge difference in the way we perceive reality. When we see it through different lenses, our perspective about it also changes, and that is powerful. It makes us resourceful and equipped to defeat this patriarchal sexist society we live in. 

Amplify the LGBTQ+ voices. Use your social media channels to increase awareness, to share their stories, to bring these people to light. There are countless artists in this community that could use some good media exposure for a change. There certainly are LGBTQ+ people in show business and those have greater audiences, but there also are painters, doctors, literature professors, scientists to name a few. Professionals who are in fields considered more reputable according to society, and that LGBTQ+ people struggle to conquer space in.

Ultimately, to guarantee the right to live inside their own body is just the top of the iceberg. The LGBTQ+ community has also to fight against violence and hatred. They must fight for acceptance of those in their own families and friends, they must fight for the right to love and to be loved. Basic premises that should be granted to all. If those who fit in the normative standard in society don't stand up for those who don't, none of us will ever be safe.

It Is Not Black People's Job To Educate Us: Lasting Anti-Racism Actions And How To Educate Ourselves To Become An Anti-Racist

Although the names of George Floyd, Breonna Taylor and Ahmaud Aubery have echoed through the mouths of those who either are part of Black communities or those who have expressed their support and empathy to the Black Lives Matter cause, there is no other time than now to take action. Since Angela Davis recited "In a racist society it is not enough to be non-racist. We must be anti-racist.", her inspiring and provoking quote fueled our hearts with empowerment and a sense of justice that feels more urgent than ever. While we protest on the streets "Saying their names." and don't give up on the injustice and prejudice Black people have been experiencing for so long in History, it is time to also consider using the tools we have at our disposal to enhance awareness about their struggles with white supremacy and structural racism in the US and all around the world. We listed below daily practices on how to become an anti-racist in our society. We understand though that this is the beginning of a learning process and we are not perfect allies but we can learn how to become one. Gentle reminder: it is not Black people's job to educate us, all tips below must be addressed with Black people's consent.

Educating ourselves. 

If you are feeling extremely overwhelmed with everything that is going on right now, try to imagine how it has been for Black people to experience throughout the past centuries hate, racism, violence, dismissiveness, injustice, fear, frustration, hopelessness to name a few. It is hard, right? I will dare to say it is impossible. That being said, it must be extremely overwhelming, hurtful and exhausting for Black people to invest the energy to teach us about their history. Therefore, we must do the work and teach ourselves how to strike a conversation about racism with them. Social media channels offer endless reliable sources of how to do it. 

Letting go of the fear of making mistakes while taking actions to support the Black community. 

It is a common concern of non-black people to speak up for people of color. Either because we are afraid of insulting Black people, or because we think we are not entitled to speak on their behalf. Both can be true; however, the latest events are a wake-up call that we must not ignore. Society hasn't prepared us to support Black people, therefore we have a lot of work to do. This is an urgent matter that we might learn how to properly address white supremacy issues against Black people, and we will learn as we go.

Talking to your Black friends about racism. 

It is a delicate topic and nobody wants to cross a line while acknowledging everything that is happening right now, but it is important to reach out at your Black friends and, mostly importantly, ask them if and how they want to talk about it. It is okay to ask questions if you don't know the answers. Communicate with them that you want to actively help and see if they'd like to brainstorm about it with you.

Asking Black people what matters for them right now. 

Assumptions are a rough land to be. Talk to your Black friends about how and what you can do to help instead of assuming what is best for them, and move forward from there. We might not know what it is to be a Black person in the world, but a Black person does and they are more likely to give instructions on how to start.

Using the internet tools we have at your disposal.

It doesn't matter if we are not famous or influencers. If you have only one other friend on your social media channel, you are good to go. Follow, learn, and share the knowledge you will gain with others. 

Be actively anti-racist.

Every action we take counts and, as individuals living in a racist society, we are part of the problem. It is an interesting exercise to rethink choices we make in our professional and social lives. For instance, hiring Black people for diversified positions in the workplace when it is our call to do so; speaking up when we witness racism; offering support and opportunity to our Black friends as we can are a few measures to assure we are actively cooperating to change Black people's reality.    

Share Black people's stories. 

Another element to this equation is how society has psychologically traumatized Black people for many generations by making them feel unworthy and unimportant. In order to change that, we must open space for Black people's stories to be told. As humans, we thrive through example. We don't become what we don't see. Representation is key to end racism.

Finally, we must take care of ourselves. It has been quite overwhelming on the internet with the news all over the place. It is important to curate the channels and sources we absorb information from, so we don't collapse mentally. The more equipped we are to help and support the Black community in this crucial moment in History, the more positively impactful our actions will be.

Black Lives Matter: We Must Stand Up. There Is No Other Time Than Now.

In an exclusive interview, Ingrid Silva — Founder of EmpowHer NY, talks about the latest events regarding this historical moment for black people all over the world, and gives us an insightful overview on how we can start a positive and impactful change in our society once and for all. The global pandemic didn't stop people from going to the streets and claiming for the rights of the black people to exist in the world, nor stopped them from standing up and supporting the cause. The protests are a clear message that people are tired of promises. We want this reality to change and we want it now. In order to accomplish that though, we must take action.

We all seem to agree that diversity is one of the most effective ways to end racism. In many segments of our society, such as the workplace; the entertainment industry; the fashion industry; the political fields to name a few, we talk about diversity and how important it is to assure a diverse environment everywhere we go; however, in order to end hundreds and hundreds of years of slavery behavior, we must act to assure diversity, by including it in our daily lives and understanding that everything we do affects black people, in both professional and personal settings. I know that might sound overwhelming; however, "black people have been living under those circumstances since the very first day they were taken from their home countries", Ingrid elucidated.

"We must educate ourselves on how to actively fight racism because not being racist is not enough.", she reflected. The names of George Floyd, Breonna Taylor and Ahmaud Arbery echo through the streets on the mouths of those who can not stand living in a world where black people are not safe and respected. 

Diversity, inclusion and representation are practices to achieve race equality, but we all must compromise and make it happen everyday. Ingrid brought to the table a powerful solution to this equation. "Hire black people. And I am not just talking about servant positions, which are also noble jobs. Hire black people for strategic positions, leadership positions.", Ingrid defended. Big companies donate money to institutions that support black communities, but they don't have them around. In many industries, the amount of black people that hierarchically occupies positions of power does not mirror black people's demographics in most countries. It is urgent that black people navigate the same life opportunities white people do.

"Black people were nobody's slaves. White men invaded their land, they tortured, slaughtered and enslaved black people, as if they were less than a human being. The structural racism we witness today in these big corporations goes from generation to generation. We must educate our children, we must educate those around us. Racism is a cultural thing. Our sons and daughters will perpetrate the racism they see in their homes.", she concluded.

The non-racist behavior sees the worth and the beauty of every race. The anti-racist behavior sees the worth and the beauty of every race and teaches them to others. 

The more diverse our surroundings are, the more likely it is that the next generation will understand and respect diversity even more. Ingrid advocates that education is a crucial element in this social dynamic. The affluence or the lack of education has an enormous impact on how black people have survived throughout History in this society. "Education means opportunity. When we invest in better education for black people, the greater are the chances they will thrive.", Ingrid states.

Finally, no matter how far we advance, our society doesn't respect the limits of black people's bodies. For Ingrid, "This is about the right to exist inside my own body.", the organic boundary that we live in and supposedly belongs to us. We must start respecting others, especially black people who have been suffering prejudice and outrageous crimes for so long. The work we are committing to do now is not only for black people, it is for all of us. "All lives matter" is a deceiving speech from those who are choosing to not do their part in this time in History. It is time to assure that black people have their voices, not only heard, but also occupying spaces they haven't occupied before. Black lives matter.

Listening To Our Hearts During A Global Crisis: The Second Chance Everyone Talks About

Prior to the quarantine, we have only seen the world as we know turning upside down on the television. Our generation has not gone through a pandemic, neither have our parents' generation nor our grandparents' generation. Therefore, we don't have any reference to hold on to in terms of survival and adaptability. It is inherently human  though to adapt through adversities. That being said, is it possible to adapt emotionally as well?

The pandemic is a war the school books haven't taught us how to fight. We have learned otherwise that kindness, generosity and acceptance make this world better. Yet, while facing the Covid-19 worldwide outbreak, we have to figure out how to survive our fears and frustrations during the crisis. Anxiety is the most common mental disorder of the century and this crisis has increased several levels of this condition. The widely scaled idea of the unknown is impacting our lives and how we engage socially and professionally with others. On the other hand, we can perceive the pandemic as a call to change, a second chance to do things differently. For ourselves, for those we love and for those we lost during all of this. 

While other articles are talking about strategic ways to conquer these challenging times, I would like to invite you to reflect on this: if pre-pandemic, we were rushing through life trying to accomplish this or achieve that, now that the world is on pause, will we dare to take this moment to reconsider things? Will we dare to listen to our hearts and do the work in order to figure out life? What do we want and how do we feel about the world? 

Since everything is unpredictably on hold given the pandemic, we might think we don't have a choice other than rethink life right this moment. Truth is we have always had the choice of doing that. However, life changes all the time, so do our priorities. As of right now though, it seems more urgent and appropriate to think things over given the times we are currently living in. Luckily we are adaptable, that is how we survive and endure through time as civilization.

After two months since the quarantine started, several companies across the globe have reshaped their model of work to a fully remote operation. Small businesses have closed, people have moved in and out back to their home cities and countries while we wonder what the future is going to look like. This can be a good or a bad thing. Both can be true though; however, choosing the perspective that keeps us moving forward might be worth it.

The modern world has conditioned us to prioritize certain things: money, career, consumerism, and fame. While we were living an unsustainable model of life, Earth has been sending us signs of its own deterioration but, in spite of all the scientific evidence of how fragile the planet was, we kept pushing it by overly purchasing products; we kept searching for meaningfulness behind smartphone screens; we kept using nature resources and not replacing them; we kept avoiding conflict with others and hiding behind an email, a text message or a busy day at work. Now that we seem to have all the time in the world, this might be our chance to relearn human interactions; to reconsider our role in the world as consumers; to find our true selves; to listen to our hearts for a change and figure out who we are and who we want to be; to own our right to be in this world in a meaningful and positively impactful way. Metaphorically speaking, the world has slowed down to recover and rearrange its course, maybe we can do the same. 

Ultimately, we might never go back to that sense of normality as we knew. Again, this can be a good or a bad thing. Both can be true. Which one will you pick? Even relationships as we knew might change. This is an article with, perhaps, too many "it might's", but there are no right or wrong answers. It is just an exercise to raise deeper questions about ourselves and the way we relate to the world, the way we feel the world and how we will want to live in it. Then maybe, only maybe, we might bring to the table the right questions. Not because we know the answers, but because we didn't quite know what questions to ask. With everything that is happening in the world, where is your heart at?

Asian Pacific American Heritage Month: We Must Talk About Prejudice

The Asian Pacific American Heritage Month, created by Congress in 1977, celebrates the Asian people's accomplishments and contributions to the United States. We can learn about the History behind this celebratory month for the Asian Pacific American Heritage in the US on their official website. In this article though, we intend to demonstrate how all of us play a part in this issue and in what ways we can defeat racism that has been inflamed by Covid-19 pandemic against Asian people. 

In 2020, given the global Coronavirus outbreak, we must address an urgent and concerning issue: racism against Asian people lately. Even with all the information we have access to, many of us seem to ignore the proven reasons that led to the Covid-19 pandemic. Several episodes of racial hatred against Asian people have taken place, not only in the United States, but in other parts of the world. Anti-asian statements and hate speech are now part of their lives. In an era where leaving the house to grocery shop requires us to almost prepare to go to war, Asian people fear for their safety as well.

The internet has democratized information and has brought people together. On the other hand, it is a tool with which we can easily disseminate pretty much everything: from acceptance to isolation; from empathy to prejudice. That is why it is crucial to start conversations that nurture empathy and acceptance within all communities. After we finally seemed to fight for the rights of all people, regardless of their heritage, race, religion and/or sexual identity, we have witnessed online acts of racism against asian people. There are effective ways to fight these acts of hate back by good practices in our own virtual communities. We might think that certain actions are harmless, but they actually fuel prejudice and intolerance.

When a crisis takes place, it is inherently human, and easier, to look for someone or something to blame other than holding ourselves accountable for the part we played in it. The perpetrators of hate acts tend to blame Asian people given the fact that the Coronavírus pandemic began in Wuhan, China. What they fail to acknowledge is that this worldwide crisis is a result of years of dismissiveness with our mother nature resources and lack of accountability from several nations across the globe. The excessive mass production of all sorts of goods; the extraction of sources from the Earth without a proper plan to replace them; and the expansion of large metropoles invading into the natural habitat to name a few. The combination of these factors have culminated in the decimation of entire ecosystems and affected others to move from their habitat. The pandemic started in China, but it could have started anywhere else in the world. 

In a crisis, it is normal to develop a sense of humor in order to conquer anxiety and fear in face of the unknown and social media is a vast source of humoristic tools to achieve that; however, it is important to pay attention to the memes we make and share online because they not only reinforce wrong assumptions between Asian people and the Coronavirus outbreak, but they also open the door to racist jokes that ultimately culminate in acts of hatred. We often hear the pandemic being called "China vírus" or "Wuhan vírus" which are misleading concepts. It is our social duty to educate those around us about this subject. For instance, we can correctly educate our children about Covid-19 and make sure they don't perpetuate hate speech or bullying in their classroom. They may actually be encouraged to offer support and compassion to their school peers who may be experiencing that kind of bullying.

Another way to help is to check on our Asian friends, see how they are doing during all of this and ask how we can help. It is frightening enough to live in the midst of a global outbreak and have had our world turned upside down in a blink of an eye, it is even harder if we have to also live looking over our shoulders all the time.

Conclusively, we must look after our beloved ones and after people in general because that is what constitutes our society. Amongst the several layers of privilege each of us experience or not, the only way we are going to survive this pandemic is if we stand for one another; if we take care of each other with the tools we have at our disposal; if we consider somebody else's struggle while making decisions during this pandemic; if we offer what is in our power to help. After all, it is not only about me or you. It is about all of us.

The Change Begins With Us | Mental Health Awareness Month

Since we have already talked about mental illness statistics, the taboo around medication and how important it is to fight stigma, let's talk about how we can actually help someone with a mental health condition. One of the main concerns about helping somebody with mental illness is that we don't know much about it and we don't feel fully equipped to offer proper help, which is a valid and appropriate response to this matter. To that end, we will bring here some of the official channels in order to get information from it and learn the tools to help others. Additionally, we want to share with you some insights we have gained along the way and, together, create a positive space where everybody is welcome.

There are many initiatives in the United States that support people with mental illness. We will name a few from which we will learn more about mental health in its many aspects. NAMI— the National Alliance on Mental Illness, is the largest grassroots mental health organization in the country dedicated to building better lives for people affected by mental illnesses. Their mission is to provide advocacy, education, support and public awareness to individuals and their families affected by mental illness. 

Additionally, NIH— the National Institute of Health, which is the largest biomedical research agency in the world, has created NIMH— the National Institute of Mental Health, which is the lead federal agency for research on mental disorders. They envisage a world where mental illness can be preventable and curable. In order to accomplish that, their mission is to transform understanding and treatment of mental illness through basic and clinical research. In both institutes, we can find reliable information about mental health, answers to standard questions, and adicional channels and partnerships to get help from.  

Once we learn basic information about mental health, another important step is to pay attention to those around us. We never know how and when we will encounter someone who needs help. When we talked about fighting taboo against medication, we also addressed there is a lot of blame and guilt experienced by those with a mental health condition. Part of the solution to defeat stigma is the willingness to be open about this matter and to listen to what people with a mental illness have to say. Once we open a space that is devoid of judgement and criticism, it becomes easier to talk about it and to seek a solution for it.

It is important to hold society accountable for how mental health is approached in professional and social settings these days. And, even though it is essential to acknowledge we all play a part in this major problem, we can also do the work to be part of the solution. Even when we don't feel fully equipped to offer help to someone with a mental health condition, simple questions such as "Are you ok?" and "Do you want to talk about it?"; are conversation starters and it could save somebody's life because people with any kind of mental illness fear social isolation and, most of the time, prejudice. Positive affirmations such as "Your feelings are valid." and "I'm here when and if you want to talk about it." build the validation these people need. 

We navigate relationships differently in personal and professional settings. Therefore, needs and expectations differ from one environment to another. When it comes to mental health though, change in society will happen when we stand together to fight stigma and dismissiveness. In a world where all of us encounter challenges to be accepted and loved in society, those with a mental illness suffer even more. It is important that we stand up and create a safer and embracing environment for them. After all, we never know if we as well might need help one day. 

There is a misbelief that mental illness is a condition far away from our reality, the statistics have shown it is not. It is actually more common than we want to believe it is and it negatively impacts society. That is why we must talk about it and act on it. The channels we presented earlier in this article are the main ones, however, there are other initiatives that are committed to improve the life condition of those with mental health issues. There are serious studies in which we can rely on and learn from, there are experts behind these institutions as well, ready to answer questions and to welcome anyone who wants to help.

Most importantly, the knowledge and approach on mental health is on an exponential and increasing curve, which means we are closer than ever before to change the scenario worldwide on how we deal with mental health. Once we change our attitude towards people with mental illness, our actions will help them to heal, but it will also have the power to reverberate to more and more people. 

Consequently, we broaden the range of people receiving proper attention and treatment. Hopefully, we will be able to change the reality of these numbers on mental illness. We will be able to fight social isolation, suicide attempts, amongst other aftermaths of this condition. Approaching mental health with an open mind can save lives. Mine, yours, somebody else's. We are all in this together.

If you or someone you know needs help:
https://www.samhsa.gov/find-help/national-helpline

Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1-800-273-8255

The Taboo Around Medication: An Honest Conversation About It | Mental Health Awareness Month

Although the statistics on mental illness have shown how common this condition is, many people hesitate to seek psychological help. In the interviews for this article, people shared their experiences with medication, psychiatrist treatment, and the challenges before and post medication. The result is an honest conversation about feelings towards the world, the challenge of living a fulfilling life with mental health conditions, and the struggle of living a balanced life in a society that is not fully prepared to help.

Apathy towards life, no perspective of a future, devoid of feelings, thoughts about death, and the sensation of emptiness are some of the symptoms of depression. "It feels like something's wrong when I can get out of bed.". H— one of the interviewees, declared. 

"At first, it felt like a lot of noise in my head. Bad thoughts like if something bad was about to happen were common. As when you trip on the stairs and you are about to fall."

E— another interviewee said about first experience with medication:

"In the beginning, there is a lot of experimentation. Psychological and physical effects such as insomnia, hands shaking, and what they call "vivid dreams" make things even harder. Medication impacted my creativity and I felt this numbness about my feelings."

In the social media era, it can be overwhelming to put yourself out there and share these experiences; however, social media can help to break stigma. It is important to talk about it on the channels we have to our disposal so we know we are not alone in this. According to E:

"It doesn't have to be taboo. When I met people who also took medication and I learned about their experiences, I knew I was not alone in this. That helped me to understand and accept my own experience. I needed medication at that moment.The goal is to get off it at a certain point. You are not the medication."

Currently, the way society approaches the issue can be retraumatizing for people with mental illness. It can also decelerate their healing process. Lack of support and understanding at professional settings is commonly narrated by the interviewees. 

"There was a certain passive aggressiveness in their comments about my mental stability."

Professional environments often lack empathy due to the expectations on how professionals should perform. Micro-aggressions like untrustworthiness on their skills after they've shared a diagnosis can be as harmful as the illness itself. In a world where our worth is based on how we professionally perform, mental health must be part of the conversation about the future of work. The unwillingness to discuss it in professional environments increases the levels of anxiety and discomfort for those with a mental health condition.  E recalled:

"At work, I would lie about taking medication by saying I was sick." 

As anxiety has turned into a buzzword broadly used on social media, it becomes a challenge to properly identify anxiety issues for those who need treatment. In general, there are different levels of anxiety and, even though they all need attention, certain levels of this condition can lead to serious mental illnesses.

"It's hard to accept that, in order to function in the world, I needed medication."

There is a deep inner-judgment about our own living condition with psychiatrist medication. Most of the time, this judgment comes from social stigmas such as people with mental illness are assumed to be unreliable to function in society. Consequently, they fear isolation and oppression. That is why many patients hesitate to seek help, hence to start treatment with medication. Right at the beginning of E's treatment, they recalled:

"I took a long time to seek help, and I regret not doing it earlier because of my own judgment. Medication is not the only way, but it is a tool that helps you to get through it."

H insightfully stated that "Depression is a liar. It tells you that things are worse than they actually are. Most of the time it's about what we tell ourselves, it's not real. The real you would never talk to you like that. The real you would remind you are loved." As a matter of fact, the two interviewees in this article are real people, but it is ethical to protect their identity and that is why we called them E and H. 

E stands for Empathy— the ability to understand one's feelings. H stands for Hope— the grounds for believing that something good may happen. These two instances are key to help people with mental illness.

EmpowHer NY stands with those who need space and also want to talk about mental health. We hope this piece will be part of a major conversation to address mental health issues. To that end, we leave the messages of hope and empathy from our interviewees for those who just started treatment with medication:

"You're doing it right. Don't rush yourself. Take your time."

"This is a process and it is okay to feel ashamed and vulnerable. This is a journey that will make you progress and feel better."

If you or someone you know needs help:
https://www.samhsa.gov/find-help/national-helpline

Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1-800-273-8255

Mental Health: What We Need to Know to Fight the Stigma | Mental Health Awareness Month

Millions of people are living with a mental illness in the US. According to NAMI— the National Alliance on Mental Illness, 19.1% of adults experience some sort of mental illness, and 4.6% of adults experience serious mental illness. Although these numbers demonstrate how common this condition is, the stigma around mental illness keeps people from seeking help and from talking about it. Although there is more access to this information today, only 40% of adults with a mental condition receive treatment. 

The same research demonstrates that 50% of all lifetime mental illness begins by the age of 14 and 75% by the age of 24, what demystifies the stigma about mental illness being linked only to the elderly. The studies also show that 16.5% of children from ages 6-17 experience a mental disorder. Although these numbers exemplify how common mental illness is, the presented data is not enough to defeat stigma. Many people are ashamed of talking about their condition. In a society where performance is everything, mental health is easily left dismissed and underestimated.  

Mental illnesses can lead to suicide attempts and disability. One hundred people commit suicide everyday in the United States, which brings up how urgent it is to seriously address mental illness. According to CDC— the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, suicide is the tenth leading cause of death in the US. When we calculate the range from ages 10 and 34, suicide become the second leading cause of death in the country. 

Amongst the prevailing conditions to mental health issues, anxiety disorders are responsible for 19.1% of people who experience mental illness; and major depressive episodes represent 7.2% of the cases. Depression and anxiety are indicators coming from a major problem: the way we operate in society post social media era. The amount of information we deal with on a daily basis is beyond what our brain is capable of absorbing; lifestyle dictatorships reshaped the way we engage in our personal and professional lives; and the worldwide internet connection made us isolate ourselves more and more. To name a few reasons why depression and anxiety are the most common mental disorders in the current times. 

Earlier in the 50's, only serious mental conditions would be considered or treated as mental illness. Other issues such as depression used to be commonly perceived as only sadness. Only a few decades ago, we started to classify in a broader range of mental disorders and finally started to treat them. However, considering that only half of the population are receiving treatment, it is still important to raise awareness around this topic as an effort to normalize mental disorders so everybody can seek help.  

In 2015, NCBI— the National Center of Biotechnology Information, published a survey showing that only 7% of people from developed countries, who responded to the inquiry, believed that mental illness could be overcome. The doubtfulness and misinformation about mental illness not only reinforce the stigma but also create an unsettling environment that makes the conversation about the issue very difficult. People fear losing their jobs and being marginalized by society. 

Fortunately, departments like SAMHSA— the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration and NIMH— the National Institute of Mental Health bring important information to the public about mental health conditions, channels to talk to and where to find help. If you are facing a mental illness or know someone who is, these links below will provide answers to standard questions and guidance to seek help and to provide help for those in need. 

EmpowHer NY believes in the power of communication and in a society where each individual deserves to be heard and assisted in their matters. We understand the responsibility to mention these important channels that positively address mental health issues in this country. Especially during these troubled times given the pandemic of Coronavirus. We stand together now so we all overcome the challenges around mental health and its consequences. By choosing empowerment over shame and compassion over prejudice, we create the space to openly talk about mental health.

Sources:

https://www.nami.org/Home

https://www.samhsa.gov/find-help/national-helpline

https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/index.shtml

Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1-800-273-8255