Hearts Series: Memoir of a Foreign Soul
The soul of a foreigner constitutes more than a state of being. It is a state of searching. This isn't a good-bye letter. This is a closure to a beautiful cycle. Yes, they surprisingly end, too. The artistic work, as everything else in life, seeks a finish line that is never there. The artist must learn how to draw such a finish line and move on to the next challenge. EmpowHer NY has been such a wonderful home, and I'm so grateful for all the brave women that I have met. It is magical to witness your peers' healing processes and, more often than ever, identify with them. Because I, too, am constantly healing. One doesn't only heal from their wounds, they also heal from their choices, and that isn't necessarily bad, it only means we embraced the good and bad that comes with the freedom of being ourselves.
To not belong can be terrifying, but it can also be liberating. Every situation we don't fit in is a page we have permission to turn. And, when we turn such a page, a brand new one takes place and suddenly, we are in charge of writing our story again. I remember being seven years old and seated at the table surrounded by talkative adults sharing their old-world truths. "You gotta be a doctor, young lady. Only doctors make good money", or "No, not at all, look at her, she is so good with words, she's gotta be a lawyer". I didn't know I was good with words, but I have always enjoyed seeing them on a piece of paper. Writing took me places I never thought I would've gone, like unexplored new worlds and facades of New York I didn't know exist. I have come to New York to write the story within the story: my own.
Those you love back home might never understand what it takes to thrive in a foreign land. Not lacking desire to do so, but for overload of care and concern. Every time I recall the day I saw my parents for the very last time before boarding to go abroad, I remember my mom's words to me. Unwillingly, she had imprinted on me several of her fears and concerns about my leaving. It took me an incredible amount of love to understand where she was coming from, it took me an even greater amount of love to convey both my respect for her and my will to take the driver seat of my own life.
A couple of years later, her and I recalled that time fondly. In every successful relationship, it takes time to adjust to each other's needs. Sometimes, it's about exiting the land you were born in. Other times, it's about embracing that same land even if you're not there anymore. My mother and I overstepped each other's lands many times, more than we wanted to admit but, sometimes the only way to learn a map is by navigating it.
In the end, every choice we have made and every chance we have taken, it all serves a greater purpose: to let go of this silly fear of navigating our own map. The things I have learned about myself weren't necessarily always pretty and stimulating, there were some ugly pieces to it but, when I figured it out the whole, I wasn't afraid anymore. To discover the entireness of who we are is to feed our soul deeply. There is no such thing as a soul that doesn't want to be discovered, seen. For every stage of this discovery, an opportunity to learn rises. For every foreign soul that ventures outside their cocoon, a new world is born.