Black Women Entrepreneurship: The Struggle Is Real, So Is The great Outcome

Oprah, Chimamanda Ngozi, Madam C. J. Walker. All these women have not just the color of their skin in common, they’ve struggled to get to where they wanted to be. They are Black women entrepreneurs that faced many challenges and have a lot to inspire us, despite our race. But why, year after year, minority women are being shut out?

Racial and gender-based biases can be one answer. Fortunately, not the reason to make us give up on our dreams or the demand to increase our income. When it comes to access to capital, a simple “no” can be another answer to stop black-owned business to come to life. Even though 50% of women-owned businesses in the U.S. are controlled by minority women, they are still being denied by banks and fund companies - Black women have even more problems to receive the financing they asked for, besides paying higher interest rates for no reason. But there is still hope: resources to support Black women entrepreneurs are growing – Black Girl Ventures is an outstanding example helping to change this reality: they provide Black/Brown woman-identifying founders with access to community, education, and leadership development.

Networking is another major barrier that leads black entrepreneurs to a disadvantageous place. How can you have good connections if you weren’t given the chance to be in the same space of people who can help you get through financial or mentoring issues? Following Madam C. J. Walker aspiration, we have to find our own ground to build up outside the idea field. Bringing a business to life is, for us Black women, also fighting against discrimination.

A work-life balance, strengthened negotiation skills and a need for a powerful support system are other challenges Black women have to overcome. At all business stages, networking and counseling are critical even for emotional support during a lonely undertaking for the main part of the 2,681,200 Black women-owned companies in America. Remember: a new business can result from poor treatment and undervalue in the workplace, not to mention family economic problems, which are big triggers to mental health issues. The American dream of “skill + creativity + hard work = success” may not be the case for women of color. Our fair share is unfair even when we are hungry for prosperity.

In this scenario, determination and passion win though. Black women are known by being self-learners, regardless of all hard-lifetime-things. We turn exclusion into motivation and faith, and to make a business succeed, we need to learn from a wide variety of sources. That is how we can keep striving instead of letting fear keep us struck. In our history, we have a fear-of-not-being-capable chasing us nonstop, but we overcome it because we take the risk to encounter our place in life. It took a moment for us to realize how good we are in everything we want to do. We battle our inner selves to find the courage to say “we can do it”.

Oprah’s entrepreneurial life has a lot to teach, but one of her most valuable takeaways is to listen to your own voice, following things in your unique way. You need funding, but perseverance has a lot to do with investing in yourself first, making a plan you really feel passionate about to show the investors how valuable you are. Chimamanda uses her words as her powerful business to tell us that whenever we wake up, that is our morning for a fresh start to shine, to change the world beginning from our own world.

Black women represent the fastest growing subsegment of entrepreneurs. So why aren’t we in the same positions of all the rest of the business ecosystem? We need to raise awareness of why it is still so difficult for Black women to build their entrepreneurial careers when they are so competent. We need to find people to fight for our businesses with the same strength we are doing it. We know how hard it is to change our social structure, where POC are on the margins since forever. New challenges appear every day to get the better of. The journey can be daunting, but we always see brighter days ahead. Our purpose as Black women entrepreneurs will drive us forward, and when it happens, the whole market wins.

PS: next month, we will have the last blog post of our series to talk about the importance of community support for Black female entrepreneurs. See you then!

Life in NYC Post-Pandemic: Are We There Already?

The pandemic is far from having an end. In New York however, as we cope with the idea of a foreseeable future of mask-wear and social distancing, we seem to be rushing back to some sense of normality. Right this second, the priority seems to be figuring out what "the new normal" will look like. The numbers of Covid-19 cases have dropped and the news has reported our first day of 0 registered deaths caused by Coronavirus, which sounds like good news except for the fact that other states are still struggling as their statistics reach the peak of the curve we have all tried to avoid. Going back to socialization can be triggering for some and be a relief for others. Either way, as we witnessed the city of New York that had fallen into a long and deep coma wakes up again, we marvel at the possibility of having our lives back. Which raises the question: are we going back to normalcy? And there's an even more important one: is it safe to?

As we try out new habits and get rid of old ones, life designs itself in front of us and what have we learned since then? Many of us have left the Big Apple and have gone to smaller towns, quieter towns. Industries in the most diverse fields have adapted and so have we. As many of us are contemplating the nuances and adaptabilities of working remotely, some of us managed to stay in New York, either for unconditional love for their city or for the hope that things will look better anytime soon. Is "the new normal" believing? 

Let's say that, hypothetically, an effective vaccine for Covid-19 has been announced, would we simply go back to our regular lives as if nothing has ever happened? Historically, it takes decades to permanently change a society and yet, we are still fighting some really old habits such as racism, homophobia or violence against women. The point is if we can not guarantee that we will change the behavior that generated this whole pandemic situation, why are we so eager to get back to normalcy instead of thinking about ways to educate ourselves so a pandemic never happens again? There are many nuances under the umbrella of this subject that we must address if we want the world to actually change.

We certainly can not change everything at once but, taking time to reconsider old habits and new ones, choices in life, business we purchase from, etc, is a beginning. The list is vast but we must do the work we are responsible for. This is a small portion of the greater picture of this problem but, it is worth it to take a look into. It is a good starter to look critically and considerably at how we behave in society: what and where we purchase; how we treat people; what is our relationship with privilege and what we are doing about it; can that vacation trip to Europe wait? Can that trip to the country to see a beloved one wait? More important than asking ourselves these questions is to think about them collectively. Because if there is one thing this pandemic has shown us is that there is no such a thing as a wall setting us apart. As an unified worldwide nation, we either gather together to defeat Covid-19 or we're all going to sink. Haven't we lost enough already?

Ultimately, whatever work we do right now, we might not be able to see it in the long run. It is kind and generous to think though, that every effort we make here will reflect an improvement for the generations yet to come. To that end, I would like to propose an exercise: think of someone you love more than anything, now imagine that this person will be born two generations ahead in a healthier and happier world. If you could somehow travel to the future to meet them and tell what you have done that contributed to this world of theirs, what would you like to be able to say? At the end of the day, one's work might change the reality of the society they live in, one's collective work with their equals though might change an entire civilization.

Scars: A Body Map of Rediscovery and Self-esteem

Scars tell a story. I have this vivid memory of me as a kid playing near the fire pit during the St. Peter Holidays in the little farm I grew up in in Northeastern Brazil, where it is tradicional to barbecue cashew nuts. That night, I got too close to the splashing oil from the nuts and had a third of my right leg burnt. The scars never faded away, neither did my frustration and shame of having scarred legs. Which led me to forever wear pants no matter how summery the weather was. It is hurtful and traumatic to go through life in a society where beauty standards are impossible to meet.

This reality is changing though, because people began to share their struggles and fears. To enlighten this conversation, I have interviewed with a couple of impressive women. Nathalia, who was born with a condition called Nevus— a birthmark that fills up one's body and face with what they call a mole on the skin, and Marianne, a breast cancer survivor who had gone through a double mastectomy in 2014. Their scars tell a story. To learn them is to heal. 

Scars are like maps. They can be gentle reminders of our whole trajectory. Our victories and losses. And they all are a huge constellation that constitutes us. However, it's vital to reflect on the role these scars play in our lives, because even though they're an important piece of our story, we are who we are in spite of them.

Acceptance is an everyday job. We will face good and bad days in the process of healing and accepting ourselves. Nathalia has gone through nine facial surgeries that resulted in asymmetrical facial features. "I don't see that my face is asymmetrical. I am Nathalia.", she declares.

We must teach our children empathy and acceptance. People will see you for what you put out there. Naturally, there will be people who won't be able to see that, but that is not on you. That's on them. Nathalia remembers her childhood as the hardest time. From the age six to eight, she recalls kids bullying her by calling her by the names of horror movies characters. "Bullying is an act of power.", Nathalia enlightens. 

Social Media holds togetherness. The internet world naturally reflects both good and bad human behavior; however, it is a powerful tool that we must use to our advantage. Marianne recalls earlier in 1994, when she first learned about her diagnosis, that there was no social media and she didn't know anyone who had cancer. Years later, she would create an IG account to share her artistic work, a cathartic way to alleviate the pain from radiation. "My art tells other women that they are not alone in this.", she says.

Our scars don't define us. In 2018, Nathalia started talking on her social media channel about her condition. "When I talk about it and I am vulnerable, people respond in a positive way.", she attests. After her first appearance in a conference in Chicago with other people who also have Nevus, Nathalia's desire to inspire others began to grow. That's how she met EmpowHer NY and, after being invited to talk in one of our TakeOvers, Nathalia has been invited several times to give speeches where she would share her story and inspire others. Finally, in 2019, she founded Loving My Dots.  She has also participated in a very prestigious event called The Real Catwalk that happens in London annually and brings together everybody who has any sort of physical condition. Loving My Dots has grown, it's featured in the magazines and thousands of people have reached out at her to either thank or congratulate Nathalia for the extraordinary work she's doing.

The change begins within us. To Nathalia, acceptance is the word that defines most of her story. It is part of the healing process to mourn our wounds, but it is valid to perceive them in a way that can be uplifting and cheerful. Both can be true. It comes a moment though where one will hold us back from living a fulfilling life and the other will help us move forward. To Marianne, it is hurtful to realize that everything she knew was taken away from her; however, to realize that "There is light in the end. It is going to get better." kept her moving forward. She was part of the Being Flat Movement in which she met several women with similar stories as hers. She was also invited to participate as a model in the runways for AnaOno— a fashion brand that designs lingerie for breast cancer survivors. "We all were honored to walk, knowing we were doing something way bigger than ourselves.", she declared.

No one will love us before we do. Self-love echoes from inside out and it makes a huge difference on how others perceive us. "I never knew I had the courage I have.", Marianne says. That's the thing about sharing our stories, we never know who's heart we will end up touching. These women touched mine and I hope they touch yours, too. Later that day, while researching, I found a picture of a fortune cookie on Marianne's social media account that said "Turn your scars into stars.". In spite of immediately thinking "that's easier said than done." I then had a thought: if I will carry my scars forever with me and I don't care to turn them into stars, at the end of the day, there will be no bright sky to look at after the sun sets.

Pride | An Illustrated Column By Ezra W Smith

Pride month is over. And what a month it was!

So many times I heard people saying that this 2020 pride is the most authentic one we’ve had in a while. I cannot agree more. I liked it, I liked it a lot. It felt authentic. Centering pride around people of color is the way to go, in my opinion. Intersectionality is the key to understanding human experiences. Let’s do it more from now on, let’s center people with disabilities, let’s center children, who often are not allowed to speak for themselves and basically denied their queer experiences and identities!

But let me tell you one thing: pride was always a riot for me. And for (too) many other people on this planet. I happened to be born to a place where pride was never allowed. I happened to live in a place where up to this day pride is met with violence and hate.

It’s easy to be comfortable in a relatively small New York or San-Francisco bubble, or Amsterdam bubble… we have some good bubbles on this planet, and we should be grateful for them. But that’s not all there is.

Here are just some numbers to reflect on:

Only in 29 countries (out of 195) can same-sex couples get married.

Only 26 countries allow same-sex couples to adopt children.

Only 9 countries in the world have constitutional protection against discrimination based on sexual orientation.

In 70 countries around the world, consensual same-sex sexual activity is criminalized.

In 13 countries people are still facing the death penalty for same-sex acts.

Even in the countries where LGBTQ+ folks’ rights are protected by law, social stigma means that it can be dangerous to live openly. I don’t know anyone from my hometown who would be queer and not live in constant fear.

I wished I could attend a safe, non-violent pride march. I wished I could celebrate who I am without facing others yelling homophobic insults from the porches of the churches that happened to be on the march way. For a few years I really wanted to travel somewhere during pride month, like to the Netherlands, and actually see what “real Pride” looks like. I wanted to experience it at least once for myself.

I didn’t. And lately I don’t feel like doing that at all. Maybe I don’t need this. Maybe my harmful experiences are my strength. Maybe those experiences are the only thing that prevents me from forgetting how many of my queer siblings are suffering, how many are still unsafe. I am not sure if I want to enjoy who I am unless EACH AND EVERY ONE OF US can too.  

On the other hand, how many hours per day can a queer human individual think of all of the harm and violence done to queer folks around the globe and still stay sane? Does anyone have any tips on how to not take every hateful statement on queerness personally and actually sleep at night instead of drowning in fear and anxiety?

I was thinking a lot about queer representation in pop culture lately and how that makes me feel unsafe too. A few decades ago there was almost no representation whatsoever. I am glad that changed. But also, it changed to mostly one type of representation – queer struggle. I am glad to see experiences I can relate to in movies and series, but it also retraumatizes me every time. I can’t help it.

Growing up as a queer in the majority of places on this planet is tough. To a lot of us it means abuse, violence, the inability of being ourselves and, in some cases, legal troubles. Going through all of this and then watching it again and again on a screen is a lot to swallow. As much as I find these stories valid and important to tell, I feel like when these stories are The Only ones that are out there it makes me feel incredibly unsafe.

I feel like pop culture desperately needs more stories of queer people’s success. Or just a normal life with problems not connected to our identity.

The show “Politician” felt like a breath of fresh air to me. What a pleasure to see people of different queer identities running a political campaign without being abused, neglected, and finally killed. But that is a rather rare exception.

I think at the end of the day I (and every one of us) have to find a balance between staying angry and staying calm, between fighting and taking care of ourselves. Between educating ourselves about the struggle of other queers, especially queers of color and trans people, and preventing burnout.

Can Meditation Save Us From This Overstimulating Social Media World? | Mind

The answer is: it depends. Meditation is certainly key to a more balanced life and mental health; however, other measures must be taken along with it in order to conquer the overwhelmingness social media and the internet has brought into our lives. Measures such as creating boundaries for our usage of social media; making more conscious decisions about who we follow and who we don't; learning our worth in the world in spite of what the internet dictates; learning a healthier usage of social media and turning it into our ally instead of our foe. Meditation is crucial to this conversation because it is the way to all of those measures we are talking about. I have been trained to practice TM— Transcendental Meditation, at the David Lynch Foundation and, after the past two years of practice, I'd like to share some of the knowledge I have gained during this time. 

To silence the noises of the outside world. The last time we talked, we chatted about how listening to our hearts is crucial to figuring out choices in life. When we silence the voices of the world, such as memories, thoughts, deadlines, etc, we gain the opportunity to listen to our own. Although meditation doesn't silence completely all the noises at first, the more I meditate, the more fluid and less noisy my meditation is. It is not easy to let go of our daily preoccupations and concerns, but meditating has helped me to better manage them.

To comprehend our pain. Meditation helps to connect body and mind. I found myself in situations where I could manage my thoughts and actions, but not my feelings. After the first months into meditation, this connection between mind and body got closer.  

To reduce stress. Anxiety is the disease of our century, it is the main cause of several mental illnesses as we discussed a few articles ago. The world is filled with so much new information that our brains are not capable of processing not even half of the amount we are exposed to. The news; new applications; new ways of communicating socially; new ways of engaging professionally; etc, that we find ourselves in the midst of an endless cycle of stimulation and zero time to recalibrate, much less to rest. Therefore, meditation plays an important role in this dynamic because it is proved to, not only reduce stress, but to also strengthen our ability to filter what is good or bad for us in the middle of all of this. With time, our brains get better at anticipating unnecessary or harmful stimulation and not getting as overwhelmed as it would before.  

To connect with ourselves and others. You probably have heard about mindfulness— the state of being conscious or aware of something, right? I won't dig too deeply into it because this is a more practical article but, I will tell you this: meditation has kept me in the present moment. How do I know that? Because the more I meditate, the quieter my mind gets. Consequently, there is less interference between my mind and body and when such a connection happens, the awareness of my surroundings is effortlessly organic.

Improve focus. In almost two years, meditation has rewired my brain. The more I meditate, the faster my brain accesses a state of full relaxation. With time, it made me feel less anxious and more happy. I also noticed that I have been applying my meditation techniques in life. For instance, in TM— Transcendental Meditation, I was told to not fight random thoughts while meditating. Instead, I would let them come and go fluidly. That way, I would direct my energy and concentration into meditation. Therefore, the random thoughts would quickly go away. In my daily life, especially when I'm working, I feel more present in the moment and distractions such as the tempting feeling of reaching out for my phone all day long, slightly went away.  

Meditation is a mental portable spa. I can meditate from everywhere in the world and still access the part of the brain that silences outside noises. There are no tools or equipment required, only a place where we feel it is safe and quiet enough for us to dive into the marvelousness of stimulating our brain and body to work together through meditation. 

Ultimately, meditation is an organic way to connect to others and with nature. In a world where everything we experience happens behind a screen, meditation brings us back to our inner self, brings us back to the present moment. That is what they call mindfulness, the state of being conscious or aware of something. I myself like to call it lifefulness, a state of choosing to be exactly where we are in life. At the end, meditation might not save us from this overstimulating social media world, but it will surely guide us to get through it in a healthier and more positive way.

I Know a Woman Who Was Born Twice In a City She Wasn't Born In | Chronicles Of The Young Immigrant Women

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The year is 1935 and a ship just anchored in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil. Three Italian ladies in their dirty dresses and tight shoes are setting foot in their new life. They're 21, 15 and 12 years old respectively. Their parents found a spot for them to escape the war and I still don't know the reason why the family didn't come together. Later on, and Freud will explain it better than I, this had a tremendous impact in the way my dad was raised. "Italy invaded Ethiopia!" they heard an Italian man scream in melancholic excitement, as they walked down the ramp. The girls were tired of hearing about Mussolini, the sound of his name reminded hunger and fear so they decided not to hear any more news about their land. Besides the pain of being an immigrant in the land of Getúlio Vargas, the girls grew up to be happy, funky and free. Don't ask me how they ended up marrying military men, I'm trying hard not to mention Freud again. Long-short story, the fifteen year old girl became my dad's mom and then my grandma. I didn't have the chance to meet her or hear her stories or complain about the back problems my dad and I got from her. The rumors are that she wrote poetry. So did my dad. I guess writing is the only good thing running in my Italian blood, because unfortunately all the health problems I have came from that ship. I'm glad having disproportionate boobs and back pain is not the only thing we had in common. Grandma died young in a breast reduction surgery. My mom decided to reveal this little secret when I decided I would do one myself. By the way, my mom didn't get along with my dad's family and for that I don't know a lot. In a way is good–– I can create my own version of the story, like I did in the first paragraph. When I was little I was secretly obsessed with my dead grandma, I had a doll that looked like an old lady and I gave it her name. I'd sleep with it every night until my dad died too. My grandma's older sister, a very talented artist, also died very young. My siblings and I shared the room where we hung the crying Italian Pierrot she painted and dedicated to her sisters. My mom always thought it was too much of a sad picture to be in our wall, yet she never took it down. My grandma's youngest sister is the closest to us. She was the one who embraced the Brazilian culture the most. Yet, she didn't give up on her two Italian last names like her sisters did. Her cucina is no mama mia! It's still Rome, but during carnival. She comfortably lives in Copacabana and refuses to move out. Never tell sad stories and curses like the true carioca that she is. Whenever she talks about her sisters, it's always to make them look like the best women in the world. She was like my dad's second mom and "loved him more than her own son" in his words. Burying my dad was extremely hard for her, it's been 11 years and still every time we talk about him, she cries with a smile. My siblings and I don't see her as much as we would like to. I remember the first Christmas we spent together after a while; the same night we figured she lost some hearing; she bursted into tears while looking at my sister's face. Aunt grandma couldn't stop screaming while measuring her nose and eyebrows. It's because my sister was basically born from my dad's spit, all of my mom's work doesn't even show. I miss that night, even the part when we spent 25 minutes at the door waiting for her to come open, as she couldn't hear the knock or our desperate calls. Just because (or specially because) of her excitement when she finally let us in, like that was our first attempt. I haven't seen her in a long time. The last time we talked was on facetime, when my aunt (my dad's sister) died. "I keep burying everyone!" she said and chuckled. Two weeks ago I learned that she contracted the COVID. Italy's collapsing and my first thought is: "she will died with the country she was born in." Immediately I decided to write this and use my thought as the title of this chronicle, in an attempt to get rid of the guilt I was feeling for not being there. But here I am, happy to be editing the last paragraph right now. It's with relief that I delete my goodbye words as she is strongly recovering. I can end this saying she got sick with the country she was born in, but in 1935, Rio de Janeiro gave her the magical power of living. It will be really hard to take Ilse Romano out of Copacabana.

Black Women Entrepreneurship: We Need to Rise Because of Our Talent, Not Our Skin Color

I am a black woman entrepreneur myself, and I know how we are struggling to get to all the spaces we deserve to be in. Here in America, the scenario is not different than Brazil or most of the places around the globe, but what needs our attention is how black women are thriving as being their own bosses. More than that, how their success shows their potential to contribute to economic growth in so many ways if they are given the power to accomplish that.

From 2007 to 2018, the U.S. saw an increase of 164% in the number of black women-owned companies. There were 2.4 million African American women opening their own business (State of Women-Owned Business Report - American Express). According to the Federal Reserve, black women are the only racial group with more businesses ownership than their male peers. However, companies run by non-minority women still have higher revenues compared to women of color brands, whose income dropped from $84K in 2007 to $66,4K in 2018. 

In 2020, even more after all the protests happening outside to change our history, we need to ask: why is this disparity still happening?

While diversity should be the key to society’s development, it seems like it is the fact that burns bridges between successful women and minority acknowledgment. But names like Alexandra Winbush, Aziza Handcrafted, Dorcas Creates, Golde, The Wrap Life and so many others are trying to prove they are wrong. Those are great examples of women of color who overcame stats to bring creative ideas to the market.

The gap between revenue is just one problem. Black women endeavor to get bank loans and credit and battle to be valued when they decide to dive into the entrepreneurship universe. But guess why they normally choose to change their careers? Because of the gender and pay gap, high unemployment rates, frustration in the workplace, racism. For black women, opening a business is a matter of survival.

All those difficulties are, in many cases, the answer why black women-owned businesses remain small, with annual sales way below the average number of white and Hispanic women-owned companies. One of the solutions black females found to make their ideas come to life was spending personal savings and retirement accounts, which is a high risking their future. Adding to that, some women are breadwinners and find no support even from their families, who cannot be blamed because they were taught to believe minorities cannot go big, that failure is easier than victory.

Besides financial problems, they can also encounter educational-training-mentoring issues considering that black people have less access to good schools, aggravated by the fact we have less business role models we can relate to. I say “we” because, in my journey as a freelance copywriter, I couldn’t think about more than one example in my family I could connect with: my people have been working as someone else’s companies’ employees for decades to this day. And it doesn’t mean they didn’t want to work for themselves, it means they didn’t have the opportunity to do so.

For me (and for a lot of my black sisters), resilience spoke louder, and I realized when I had the nerves to quit my job to work for myself, that fear cannot stop us from being what we are meant to be. On the other hand, it can make us persevere despite all the prejudice problems we may face. The decision to become an entrepreneur is hard, but the outcome can be beautiful.

Now, with all the attention protests brought to the black entrepreneurs community, maybe it’s time for the real change we are expecting. I say real because, for years, my people have been trying to succeed in their business overcoming privilege. And getting tons of followers and customers now will be great only if this support is genuine. In a month or two, black women-owned brands need to keep the good numbers they’ve got recently. It cannot be just a black-lives-matter-temporary-wave. Our businesses need to survive not because we are black, but because we are good in whatever we create. We need to be authentically valued by that, despite protests or trends.

Black women want to grow sustainably, want their brands to speak up their truth as successful entrepreneurs, regardless the color of their skin. We need to change stats, we deserve visibility, equal funds, and we are waiting for people to show up for our businesses because they truly believe in us.

PS: next month, we will go deeper on this topic, talking about challenges black women entrepreneurs have been facing and why they do not give up. See you soon!

PRIDE MONTH - Ways To Actively Enhance Allyship For The LGBTQ+ Community

The word of the moment is action in these unprecedented times. Since the last time we talked about ways to become an anti-racist because we can no longer accept things the way they are, I figured it was also time to do my homework in regards of the LGBTQ+ community around me. As a straight woman, I acknowledge my privilege of walking into places the LGBTQ+ community has been denied to enter; however, being aware of that is not enough. In order to accomplish that, it is crucial to do work of understanding the role we play in this society and educating ourselves about what we can do to help. Consequently, taking action is essential to fight prejudice against the LGBTQ+ community and to assure their right to live and to be in this world.

We must fight for tolerance. I will dare to say that the lack of it is the root of all the evil society has inflicted on the minorities through time. We talk very much about acceptance, but we can not expect everyone to accept one's truth or life choice, we have however the right to demand respect for it. Because tolerance is the foundation of a more fair society. At the end of the day, we don't have to agree with one another, but we must tolerate the differences that constitute the society we are surrounded by. Notice that acceptance is debatable, but tolerance is not negotiable.

We must educate ourselves. Education is another important word this year because in school, we are not taught how to navigate social awareness and justice, nor how to read the nuances that form the environment we grew up in. Instead, we have been conditioned to fit in according to certain models, leaving no room for observation and learning of how diversified life choices can be, especially the ones related to our sexuality. Now that the internet approximates people all over the world, there are several reliable channels we can gather knowledge from. Once we learn more about the LGBTQ+ community, their fears and struggles, their beauty and value, we will better understand how to become their allies and we will feel more equipped to fight along with them.

We must educate others around us. To educate ourselves is a great step towards a safer future for the LGBTQ+ community, but that is just the beginning. It makes a great difference to be aware of our surroundings and stand up when we witness prejudice. We must as well teach our children how to appropriately navigate social situations in which they encounter people from the LGBTQ+ community. Regardless of which generation you belong to, one's uniqueness should be celebrated and respected, especially in a world where everyone has always been conditioned to blend in, because we were taught that sameness means safety and acceptance.

We must normalize the different. Diversity has been a trendy theme for the past decade or so. The more we explore what the world has to offer, the more we understand we are not alone in our uniqueness. The same thing happens when we are talking about the LGBTQ+ community, we can not change the way we were born. Society is the one that must change the way it treats the LGBTQ+ community. Uniqueness is beautiful and it must be respected and preserved. 

Heterosexuality is not the norm. The first transgender that History registered was named Lili Elbe— a danish artist who was born a male and went through a sex reassigment surgery in 1930. It is worth reflecting on the fact that the LGBTQ+ community has always existed, but now they have more access and more visibility. You know that old conservative neighbor of yours who always says "There wasn't this much LGBTQ+ in the past.” The thing is there were, and the difference is that now we can no longer ignore their existence. Sometimes it is not about what we see, it is about how we see and that makes a huge difference in the way we perceive reality. When we see it through different lenses, our perspective about it also changes, and that is powerful. It makes us resourceful and equipped to defeat this patriarchal sexist society we live in. 

Amplify the LGBTQ+ voices. Use your social media channels to increase awareness, to share their stories, to bring these people to light. There are countless artists in this community that could use some good media exposure for a change. There certainly are LGBTQ+ people in show business and those have greater audiences, but there also are painters, doctors, literature professors, scientists to name a few. Professionals who are in fields considered more reputable according to society, and that LGBTQ+ people struggle to conquer space in.

Ultimately, to guarantee the right to live inside their own body is just the top of the iceberg. The LGBTQ+ community has also to fight against violence and hatred. They must fight for acceptance of those in their own families and friends, they must fight for the right to love and to be loved. Basic premises that should be granted to all. If those who fit in the normative standard in society don't stand up for those who don't, none of us will ever be safe.

It Is Not Black People's Job To Educate Us: Lasting Anti-Racism Actions And How To Educate Ourselves To Become An Anti-Racist

Although the names of George Floyd, Breonna Taylor and Ahmaud Aubery have echoed through the mouths of those who either are part of Black communities or those who have expressed their support and empathy to the Black Lives Matter cause, there is no other time than now to take action. Since Angela Davis recited "In a racist society it is not enough to be non-racist. We must be anti-racist.", her inspiring and provoking quote fueled our hearts with empowerment and a sense of justice that feels more urgent than ever. While we protest on the streets "Saying their names." and don't give up on the injustice and prejudice Black people have been experiencing for so long in History, it is time to also consider using the tools we have at our disposal to enhance awareness about their struggles with white supremacy and structural racism in the US and all around the world. We listed below daily practices on how to become an anti-racist in our society. We understand though that this is the beginning of a learning process and we are not perfect allies but we can learn how to become one. Gentle reminder: it is not Black people's job to educate us, all tips below must be addressed with Black people's consent.

Educating ourselves. 

If you are feeling extremely overwhelmed with everything that is going on right now, try to imagine how it has been for Black people to experience throughout the past centuries hate, racism, violence, dismissiveness, injustice, fear, frustration, hopelessness to name a few. It is hard, right? I will dare to say it is impossible. That being said, it must be extremely overwhelming, hurtful and exhausting for Black people to invest the energy to teach us about their history. Therefore, we must do the work and teach ourselves how to strike a conversation about racism with them. Social media channels offer endless reliable sources of how to do it. 

Letting go of the fear of making mistakes while taking actions to support the Black community. 

It is a common concern of non-black people to speak up for people of color. Either because we are afraid of insulting Black people, or because we think we are not entitled to speak on their behalf. Both can be true; however, the latest events are a wake-up call that we must not ignore. Society hasn't prepared us to support Black people, therefore we have a lot of work to do. This is an urgent matter that we might learn how to properly address white supremacy issues against Black people, and we will learn as we go.

Talking to your Black friends about racism. 

It is a delicate topic and nobody wants to cross a line while acknowledging everything that is happening right now, but it is important to reach out at your Black friends and, mostly importantly, ask them if and how they want to talk about it. It is okay to ask questions if you don't know the answers. Communicate with them that you want to actively help and see if they'd like to brainstorm about it with you.

Asking Black people what matters for them right now. 

Assumptions are a rough land to be. Talk to your Black friends about how and what you can do to help instead of assuming what is best for them, and move forward from there. We might not know what it is to be a Black person in the world, but a Black person does and they are more likely to give instructions on how to start.

Using the internet tools we have at your disposal.

It doesn't matter if we are not famous or influencers. If you have only one other friend on your social media channel, you are good to go. Follow, learn, and share the knowledge you will gain with others. 

Be actively anti-racist.

Every action we take counts and, as individuals living in a racist society, we are part of the problem. It is an interesting exercise to rethink choices we make in our professional and social lives. For instance, hiring Black people for diversified positions in the workplace when it is our call to do so; speaking up when we witness racism; offering support and opportunity to our Black friends as we can are a few measures to assure we are actively cooperating to change Black people's reality.    

Share Black people's stories. 

Another element to this equation is how society has psychologically traumatized Black people for many generations by making them feel unworthy and unimportant. In order to change that, we must open space for Black people's stories to be told. As humans, we thrive through example. We don't become what we don't see. Representation is key to end racism.

Finally, we must take care of ourselves. It has been quite overwhelming on the internet with the news all over the place. It is important to curate the channels and sources we absorb information from, so we don't collapse mentally. The more equipped we are to help and support the Black community in this crucial moment in History, the more positively impactful our actions will be.

Black Lives Matter: We Must Stand Up. There Is No Other Time Than Now.

In an exclusive interview, Ingrid Silva — Founder of EmpowHer NY, talks about the latest events regarding this historical moment for black people all over the world, and gives us an insightful overview on how we can start a positive and impactful change in our society once and for all. The global pandemic didn't stop people from going to the streets and claiming for the rights of the black people to exist in the world, nor stopped them from standing up and supporting the cause. The protests are a clear message that people are tired of promises. We want this reality to change and we want it now. In order to accomplish that though, we must take action.

We all seem to agree that diversity is one of the most effective ways to end racism. In many segments of our society, such as the workplace; the entertainment industry; the fashion industry; the political fields to name a few, we talk about diversity and how important it is to assure a diverse environment everywhere we go; however, in order to end hundreds and hundreds of years of slavery behavior, we must act to assure diversity, by including it in our daily lives and understanding that everything we do affects black people, in both professional and personal settings. I know that might sound overwhelming; however, "black people have been living under those circumstances since the very first day they were taken from their home countries", Ingrid elucidated.

"We must educate ourselves on how to actively fight racism because not being racist is not enough.", she reflected. The names of George Floyd, Breonna Taylor and Ahmaud Arbery echo through the streets on the mouths of those who can not stand living in a world where black people are not safe and respected. 

Diversity, inclusion and representation are practices to achieve race equality, but we all must compromise and make it happen everyday. Ingrid brought to the table a powerful solution to this equation. "Hire black people. And I am not just talking about servant positions, which are also noble jobs. Hire black people for strategic positions, leadership positions.", Ingrid defended. Big companies donate money to institutions that support black communities, but they don't have them around. In many industries, the amount of black people that hierarchically occupies positions of power does not mirror black people's demographics in most countries. It is urgent that black people navigate the same life opportunities white people do.

"Black people were nobody's slaves. White men invaded their land, they tortured, slaughtered and enslaved black people, as if they were less than a human being. The structural racism we witness today in these big corporations goes from generation to generation. We must educate our children, we must educate those around us. Racism is a cultural thing. Our sons and daughters will perpetrate the racism they see in their homes.", she concluded.

The non-racist behavior sees the worth and the beauty of every race. The anti-racist behavior sees the worth and the beauty of every race and teaches them to others. 

The more diverse our surroundings are, the more likely it is that the next generation will understand and respect diversity even more. Ingrid advocates that education is a crucial element in this social dynamic. The affluence or the lack of education has an enormous impact on how black people have survived throughout History in this society. "Education means opportunity. When we invest in better education for black people, the greater are the chances they will thrive.", Ingrid states.

Finally, no matter how far we advance, our society doesn't respect the limits of black people's bodies. For Ingrid, "This is about the right to exist inside my own body.", the organic boundary that we live in and supposedly belongs to us. We must start respecting others, especially black people who have been suffering prejudice and outrageous crimes for so long. The work we are committing to do now is not only for black people, it is for all of us. "All lives matter" is a deceiving speech from those who are choosing to not do their part in this time in History. It is time to assure that black people have their voices, not only heard, but also occupying spaces they haven't occupied before. Black lives matter.

Listening To Our Hearts During A Global Crisis: The Second Chance Everyone Talks About

Prior to the quarantine, we have only seen the world as we know turning upside down on the television. Our generation has not gone through a pandemic, neither have our parents' generation nor our grandparents' generation. Therefore, we don't have any reference to hold on to in terms of survival and adaptability. It is inherently human  though to adapt through adversities. That being said, is it possible to adapt emotionally as well?

The pandemic is a war the school books haven't taught us how to fight. We have learned otherwise that kindness, generosity and acceptance make this world better. Yet, while facing the Covid-19 worldwide outbreak, we have to figure out how to survive our fears and frustrations during the crisis. Anxiety is the most common mental disorder of the century and this crisis has increased several levels of this condition. The widely scaled idea of the unknown is impacting our lives and how we engage socially and professionally with others. On the other hand, we can perceive the pandemic as a call to change, a second chance to do things differently. For ourselves, for those we love and for those we lost during all of this. 

While other articles are talking about strategic ways to conquer these challenging times, I would like to invite you to reflect on this: if pre-pandemic, we were rushing through life trying to accomplish this or achieve that, now that the world is on pause, will we dare to take this moment to reconsider things? Will we dare to listen to our hearts and do the work in order to figure out life? What do we want and how do we feel about the world? 

Since everything is unpredictably on hold given the pandemic, we might think we don't have a choice other than rethink life right this moment. Truth is we have always had the choice of doing that. However, life changes all the time, so do our priorities. As of right now though, it seems more urgent and appropriate to think things over given the times we are currently living in. Luckily we are adaptable, that is how we survive and endure through time as civilization.

After two months since the quarantine started, several companies across the globe have reshaped their model of work to a fully remote operation. Small businesses have closed, people have moved in and out back to their home cities and countries while we wonder what the future is going to look like. This can be a good or a bad thing. Both can be true though; however, choosing the perspective that keeps us moving forward might be worth it.

The modern world has conditioned us to prioritize certain things: money, career, consumerism, and fame. While we were living an unsustainable model of life, Earth has been sending us signs of its own deterioration but, in spite of all the scientific evidence of how fragile the planet was, we kept pushing it by overly purchasing products; we kept searching for meaningfulness behind smartphone screens; we kept using nature resources and not replacing them; we kept avoiding conflict with others and hiding behind an email, a text message or a busy day at work. Now that we seem to have all the time in the world, this might be our chance to relearn human interactions; to reconsider our role in the world as consumers; to find our true selves; to listen to our hearts for a change and figure out who we are and who we want to be; to own our right to be in this world in a meaningful and positively impactful way. Metaphorically speaking, the world has slowed down to recover and rearrange its course, maybe we can do the same. 

Ultimately, we might never go back to that sense of normality as we knew. Again, this can be a good or a bad thing. Both can be true. Which one will you pick? Even relationships as we knew might change. This is an article with, perhaps, too many "it might's", but there are no right or wrong answers. It is just an exercise to raise deeper questions about ourselves and the way we relate to the world, the way we feel the world and how we will want to live in it. Then maybe, only maybe, we might bring to the table the right questions. Not because we know the answers, but because we didn't quite know what questions to ask. With everything that is happening in the world, where is your heart at?

Embrace your Wellness: Mental Health Issues Need to Be Addressed in the Workplace

There is no way to deny that most of us spend more time in our workplaces than at home. And, at the same time that it can be good for your professional career and success, it can also increase your chances to be affected by the stressful atmosphere you are working in. But how can we deal with that, besides the fact we are women fighting, day after day, to occupy spaces we deserve in our fields?

Just to contextualize before we go deeper in our topic, take a look at some numbers about women in the American workforce, important data to understand where part of the stress comes from. There are 75.9 million women in the civilian labor force (U.S. Department of Labor), and even with more than half of management occupations held by women (51.5%), we are less represented the higher up we go inside the companies: female workers make only 5% of CEO positions, and 11% of the top earners in the country (Catalyst Women in S&P 500 Companies). 

Now, speaking about mental health, the numbers are also worrisome: 58% of people are unmotivated at work, 50% engage in unhealthy behaviors to cope with workplace stress (Mental Health America); and 37% said their work environment contributed to their symptoms (Mind Share Partners Mental Health at Work). For us, it’s even worse: around 5 million employed American women deal with depression each year, and 54% say they couldn’t discuss mental issues at work without fear of discrimination (Good Housekeeping Institute). All the statistics have shown us that, even though mental health is still a stigma, we really need to talk about it since who’s struggling needs to be seen. It means we need to urge for companies to create safe spaces for disclosure because we all need an open way to communicate about our problems.

Mental health has everything to do with wellbeing, not the opposite as some people may think. When you work for a company that fosters motivation and engagement, you’ll be more likely to be in a healthy workplace. Also, it will strongly encourage us to not remain silent anymore. Talking about behavioral health is challenging but necessary, and it can save lives. Women are dealing with equality issues in their jobs all the time, and sometimes it is impossible to avoid that it will have a negative impact on their mood, productivity, relationships inside and outside the workplace and, of course, their health.

Stress from work can increase the risk of chronic diseases and heart attack, so we need to accept the idea that stress is a big part of the job. Besides stress and anxiety, it’s important to pay attention to symptoms such as deep sensation of sadness, loss of interest in activities, difficulty to concentrate, trouble remembering and making decisions, feeling of worthlessness and guilt, energy loss, irritability, and procrastination. Simple daily events can pull triggers, the main point is when or if you or your colleagues are ready to identify them.

In a recent Time magazine’s article, specialists said that the Millennial employees (24-39 years old) are getting companies to rethink workers’ mental health in a radical way: depression and anxiety are changing the business scenario with different needs from the young workers, especially female ones. Burnout is the new emotional-physical-mental state of people who work under excessive and prolonged stress, which makes them feel totally overwhelmed, drained and unable to be productive, motivated, and satisfied as they could be. Depression is now the fastest-growing health condition between them, but fortunately young people are more likely to share their struggles with their bosses compared to people ages 54 to 72 (American Psychiatric Association). It’s a fact companies have a lot of requirements to hire people, but as professionals and human beings, we need to require environmental wellness from them too. 

We deserve to be in a work environment that inspires us. We need to feel safe, seen and valued in the place we are spending most of the time in our daily lives. Nowadays, more and more companies see mental health as crucial for everybody’s success. They are already aware about the challenge to address mental health correctly, and we believe hard times like the pandemic can help the market to see that they need to work closer to their employees, even more when they cannot be close physically. 

When you share, you feel empowered. If your company doesn’t have a mental health support group/counselor, you can suggest them to create one. You may not be the only one dealing with issues, but can be the first one to change your workplace for the better!

If you or someone you know needs help:
https://www.samhsa.gov/find-help/national-helpline

Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1-800-273-8255

Asian Pacific American Heritage Month: We Must Talk About Prejudice

The Asian Pacific American Heritage Month, created by Congress in 1977, celebrates the Asian people's accomplishments and contributions to the United States. We can learn about the History behind this celebratory month for the Asian Pacific American Heritage in the US on their official website. In this article though, we intend to demonstrate how all of us play a part in this issue and in what ways we can defeat racism that has been inflamed by Covid-19 pandemic against Asian people. 

In 2020, given the global Coronavirus outbreak, we must address an urgent and concerning issue: racism against Asian people lately. Even with all the information we have access to, many of us seem to ignore the proven reasons that led to the Covid-19 pandemic. Several episodes of racial hatred against Asian people have taken place, not only in the United States, but in other parts of the world. Anti-asian statements and hate speech are now part of their lives. In an era where leaving the house to grocery shop requires us to almost prepare to go to war, Asian people fear for their safety as well.

The internet has democratized information and has brought people together. On the other hand, it is a tool with which we can easily disseminate pretty much everything: from acceptance to isolation; from empathy to prejudice. That is why it is crucial to start conversations that nurture empathy and acceptance within all communities. After we finally seemed to fight for the rights of all people, regardless of their heritage, race, religion and/or sexual identity, we have witnessed online acts of racism against asian people. There are effective ways to fight these acts of hate back by good practices in our own virtual communities. We might think that certain actions are harmless, but they actually fuel prejudice and intolerance.

When a crisis takes place, it is inherently human, and easier, to look for someone or something to blame other than holding ourselves accountable for the part we played in it. The perpetrators of hate acts tend to blame Asian people given the fact that the Coronavírus pandemic began in Wuhan, China. What they fail to acknowledge is that this worldwide crisis is a result of years of dismissiveness with our mother nature resources and lack of accountability from several nations across the globe. The excessive mass production of all sorts of goods; the extraction of sources from the Earth without a proper plan to replace them; and the expansion of large metropoles invading into the natural habitat to name a few. The combination of these factors have culminated in the decimation of entire ecosystems and affected others to move from their habitat. The pandemic started in China, but it could have started anywhere else in the world. 

In a crisis, it is normal to develop a sense of humor in order to conquer anxiety and fear in face of the unknown and social media is a vast source of humoristic tools to achieve that; however, it is important to pay attention to the memes we make and share online because they not only reinforce wrong assumptions between Asian people and the Coronavirus outbreak, but they also open the door to racist jokes that ultimately culminate in acts of hatred. We often hear the pandemic being called "China vírus" or "Wuhan vírus" which are misleading concepts. It is our social duty to educate those around us about this subject. For instance, we can correctly educate our children about Covid-19 and make sure they don't perpetuate hate speech or bullying in their classroom. They may actually be encouraged to offer support and compassion to their school peers who may be experiencing that kind of bullying.

Another way to help is to check on our Asian friends, see how they are doing during all of this and ask how we can help. It is frightening enough to live in the midst of a global outbreak and have had our world turned upside down in a blink of an eye, it is even harder if we have to also live looking over our shoulders all the time.

Conclusively, we must look after our beloved ones and after people in general because that is what constitutes our society. Amongst the several layers of privilege each of us experience or not, the only way we are going to survive this pandemic is if we stand for one another; if we take care of each other with the tools we have at our disposal; if we consider somebody else's struggle while making decisions during this pandemic; if we offer what is in our power to help. After all, it is not only about me or you. It is about all of us.

The Change Begins With Us | Mental Health Awareness Month

Since we have already talked about mental illness statistics, the taboo around medication and how important it is to fight stigma, let's talk about how we can actually help someone with a mental health condition. One of the main concerns about helping somebody with mental illness is that we don't know much about it and we don't feel fully equipped to offer proper help, which is a valid and appropriate response to this matter. To that end, we will bring here some of the official channels in order to get information from it and learn the tools to help others. Additionally, we want to share with you some insights we have gained along the way and, together, create a positive space where everybody is welcome.

There are many initiatives in the United States that support people with mental illness. We will name a few from which we will learn more about mental health in its many aspects. NAMI— the National Alliance on Mental Illness, is the largest grassroots mental health organization in the country dedicated to building better lives for people affected by mental illnesses. Their mission is to provide advocacy, education, support and public awareness to individuals and their families affected by mental illness. 

Additionally, NIH— the National Institute of Health, which is the largest biomedical research agency in the world, has created NIMH— the National Institute of Mental Health, which is the lead federal agency for research on mental disorders. They envisage a world where mental illness can be preventable and curable. In order to accomplish that, their mission is to transform understanding and treatment of mental illness through basic and clinical research. In both institutes, we can find reliable information about mental health, answers to standard questions, and adicional channels and partnerships to get help from.  

Once we learn basic information about mental health, another important step is to pay attention to those around us. We never know how and when we will encounter someone who needs help. When we talked about fighting taboo against medication, we also addressed there is a lot of blame and guilt experienced by those with a mental health condition. Part of the solution to defeat stigma is the willingness to be open about this matter and to listen to what people with a mental illness have to say. Once we open a space that is devoid of judgement and criticism, it becomes easier to talk about it and to seek a solution for it.

It is important to hold society accountable for how mental health is approached in professional and social settings these days. And, even though it is essential to acknowledge we all play a part in this major problem, we can also do the work to be part of the solution. Even when we don't feel fully equipped to offer help to someone with a mental health condition, simple questions such as "Are you ok?" and "Do you want to talk about it?"; are conversation starters and it could save somebody's life because people with any kind of mental illness fear social isolation and, most of the time, prejudice. Positive affirmations such as "Your feelings are valid." and "I'm here when and if you want to talk about it." build the validation these people need. 

We navigate relationships differently in personal and professional settings. Therefore, needs and expectations differ from one environment to another. When it comes to mental health though, change in society will happen when we stand together to fight stigma and dismissiveness. In a world where all of us encounter challenges to be accepted and loved in society, those with a mental illness suffer even more. It is important that we stand up and create a safer and embracing environment for them. After all, we never know if we as well might need help one day. 

There is a misbelief that mental illness is a condition far away from our reality, the statistics have shown it is not. It is actually more common than we want to believe it is and it negatively impacts society. That is why we must talk about it and act on it. The channels we presented earlier in this article are the main ones, however, there are other initiatives that are committed to improve the life condition of those with mental health issues. There are serious studies in which we can rely on and learn from, there are experts behind these institutions as well, ready to answer questions and to welcome anyone who wants to help.

Most importantly, the knowledge and approach on mental health is on an exponential and increasing curve, which means we are closer than ever before to change the scenario worldwide on how we deal with mental health. Once we change our attitude towards people with mental illness, our actions will help them to heal, but it will also have the power to reverberate to more and more people. 

Consequently, we broaden the range of people receiving proper attention and treatment. Hopefully, we will be able to change the reality of these numbers on mental illness. We will be able to fight social isolation, suicide attempts, amongst other aftermaths of this condition. Approaching mental health with an open mind can save lives. Mine, yours, somebody else's. We are all in this together.

If you or someone you know needs help:
https://www.samhsa.gov/find-help/national-helpline

Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1-800-273-8255

Human Life as a Crappy Book | An Illustrated Column By Ezra W Smith

One of my favorite things to do is reading. I love good books. In the past year I discovered a few great authors and enjoyed quite a few great books. However, last year I also decided once and for all – I don’t like the majority of biographies.

I think biographies, as we write them right now, make us question whether our own lives have any purpose or meaning. Which for many people might lead to deep dissatisfaction. Controversial? Hear me out.

Very often (definitely too often) biographies are written by the rules of fiction books. Authors use all of the same devices, the same sudden turns and plot twists. The author, whether or not they are also a main character of the story, takes imperfect, flawed, raw material, such as someone’s life, and forces it into The Story.  A story with a beginning, a middle and an end. And that, I think, is wrong. There is no “end” of the story, even if the person whose biography is being written is dead. People usually don’t plan their death. And they don’t summarize their life right before. Even old people don’t finish all the things they were planning to do. Even if the literal end of someone’s life has already occurred, it wasn’t The End in the sense that we usually expect from the book. There is no closure, no satisfaction at the end of a human life. And making it look like there is on paper is a mistake.

The other day one young woman I happen to text sometimes on Instagram (let’s call her Clare) started to tell me the story of how she moved to another country. She met a foreign boy, she said, and fell in love instantly. She was so sure he was the one, she sold her apartment and all the stuff she had and moved to a country she had only visited once before. I thought: “Wow, amazing story to tell her grandchildren”. I happened to know that Clare was in a relationship, so I assumed that was the guy. So I congratulated her on such a clean, fairy-tale-like love story.

But it was not. Apparently, after a year in a new country, after spending most of her money and after burning all her bridges, Clare met someone else. There is no explanation for it. The first guy didn’t treat her badly, he also wasn’t completely different than she thought, there was no major conflict or unexpected evil twist. And still, Clare met someone else and left that first guy. Try to make a nice story out of it. Well, you can, but you would need to adjust it quite a bit.

Which means – change it. Which means – lie, or at the very least significantly manipulate reality.

Clare wrote to me that she still feels incredible shame and doesn’t like to tell this story to anyone. Because… she can’t really justify her decisions and can’t anyhow explain why things happened the way they did. But does she really need to feel shame? She didn’t lie to anyone. People break up. I don’t think we actually need a reason to do so, other than an unwillingness to be in the current relationship for any longer.

My theory is that a typical human life doesn’t make a good story. There are too many shades, too many random events, too many detours that take us off the main storyline. And there is also no Main Storyline. Or any storylines that you can take out of your life and tell as a nice, smooth narrative with a moral and structure.

And that is another thing I wanted to say. In the beginning I wrote that biographies make us question whether our own lives have any purpose or meaning. We are right to question it. Because I don’t think our lives have purpose or meaning. And neither are they supposed to.

Have you ever felt like you know what you want to do in life and then, a few years later realized that it is absolutely not what you want to do in life? Almost anyone has. Very few people find that One Thing (or That One Person) and stick with it forever. But that isn’t bad. Life is in constant movement, constant change - chaotic, very often random motion in time. Events of our lives don’t have to be a part of One Perfect Story; they don’t have to contribute to the Grand Purpose; they don’t even have to teach us anything.

We live our lives like they are meant to be written about later. I don’t think this is healthy for the majority of us.

The only absolute purpose of life is life itself - no additional meaning needed. If you stop looking at your life as a Story that someone has to write after your death, a lot of pressure will get released.

You no longer have to justify random detours and “wasted years”. Your every step no longer has to be a step in the right direction. And maybe you can just finally relax and be in the moment. 

The Taboo Around Medication: An Honest Conversation About It | Mental Health Awareness Month

Although the statistics on mental illness have shown how common this condition is, many people hesitate to seek psychological help. In the interviews for this article, people shared their experiences with medication, psychiatrist treatment, and the challenges before and post medication. The result is an honest conversation about feelings towards the world, the challenge of living a fulfilling life with mental health conditions, and the struggle of living a balanced life in a society that is not fully prepared to help.

Apathy towards life, no perspective of a future, devoid of feelings, thoughts about death, and the sensation of emptiness are some of the symptoms of depression. "It feels like something's wrong when I can get out of bed.". H— one of the interviewees, declared. 

"At first, it felt like a lot of noise in my head. Bad thoughts like if something bad was about to happen were common. As when you trip on the stairs and you are about to fall."

E— another interviewee said about first experience with medication:

"In the beginning, there is a lot of experimentation. Psychological and physical effects such as insomnia, hands shaking, and what they call "vivid dreams" make things even harder. Medication impacted my creativity and I felt this numbness about my feelings."

In the social media era, it can be overwhelming to put yourself out there and share these experiences; however, social media can help to break stigma. It is important to talk about it on the channels we have to our disposal so we know we are not alone in this. According to E:

"It doesn't have to be taboo. When I met people who also took medication and I learned about their experiences, I knew I was not alone in this. That helped me to understand and accept my own experience. I needed medication at that moment.The goal is to get off it at a certain point. You are not the medication."

Currently, the way society approaches the issue can be retraumatizing for people with mental illness. It can also decelerate their healing process. Lack of support and understanding at professional settings is commonly narrated by the interviewees. 

"There was a certain passive aggressiveness in their comments about my mental stability."

Professional environments often lack empathy due to the expectations on how professionals should perform. Micro-aggressions like untrustworthiness on their skills after they've shared a diagnosis can be as harmful as the illness itself. In a world where our worth is based on how we professionally perform, mental health must be part of the conversation about the future of work. The unwillingness to discuss it in professional environments increases the levels of anxiety and discomfort for those with a mental health condition.  E recalled:

"At work, I would lie about taking medication by saying I was sick." 

As anxiety has turned into a buzzword broadly used on social media, it becomes a challenge to properly identify anxiety issues for those who need treatment. In general, there are different levels of anxiety and, even though they all need attention, certain levels of this condition can lead to serious mental illnesses.

"It's hard to accept that, in order to function in the world, I needed medication."

There is a deep inner-judgment about our own living condition with psychiatrist medication. Most of the time, this judgment comes from social stigmas such as people with mental illness are assumed to be unreliable to function in society. Consequently, they fear isolation and oppression. That is why many patients hesitate to seek help, hence to start treatment with medication. Right at the beginning of E's treatment, they recalled:

"I took a long time to seek help, and I regret not doing it earlier because of my own judgment. Medication is not the only way, but it is a tool that helps you to get through it."

H insightfully stated that "Depression is a liar. It tells you that things are worse than they actually are. Most of the time it's about what we tell ourselves, it's not real. The real you would never talk to you like that. The real you would remind you are loved." As a matter of fact, the two interviewees in this article are real people, but it is ethical to protect their identity and that is why we called them E and H. 

E stands for Empathy— the ability to understand one's feelings. H stands for Hope— the grounds for believing that something good may happen. These two instances are key to help people with mental illness.

EmpowHer NY stands with those who need space and also want to talk about mental health. We hope this piece will be part of a major conversation to address mental health issues. To that end, we leave the messages of hope and empathy from our interviewees for those who just started treatment with medication:

"You're doing it right. Don't rush yourself. Take your time."

"This is a process and it is okay to feel ashamed and vulnerable. This is a journey that will make you progress and feel better."

If you or someone you know needs help:
https://www.samhsa.gov/find-help/national-helpline

Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1-800-273-8255

Ode to The Time I Was Right About Our Existence | Chronicles Of The Young Immigrant Women

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When I was a little girl, I used to say my dream job was to be retired. I remember my Mom said it was impossible because this isn't a career or something that you go to college for. My Dad didn't say anything. Because he was already dead. It would be really weird if I had a memory of him saying anything about it. Anyways, I had arguments and I could convince anyone that this was my real vocation. "You don't know what you're talking about, my Grandpa is." Boom. They're done.  But with time I've realized I needed a better and more stable plan for my future.

By the age of 13 I decided I was going to be a millionaire. Because in my head there were only two things I was capable of doing: nothing and destroying society. Yes, I was a very happy teenager, thank you very much. Everything changed that night when all of my friends were smoking pot and Lucas told me to give it a try. I've realized I didn't need that much money to be happy. I basically just needed a few bucks and a garden. And if you're thinking that I have changed my mind about that: you're completely right.

I have no skills for gardening. However, by looking for people that do have skills and a garden, I've gained one more ability: networking. Throughout my childhood I always did art. That funny little artsy kid that will paint your wall and draw you as a dinosaur with three eyes then give a TED Talk about it, was me. I was either impersonating people or grabbing my siblings by the hair to make them my puppets. But acting, singing, playing guitar and especially writing, wasn't a plan for me, I thought they were just part of my story.

I don't remember the exact moment I decided to accept that being an artist was the only thing I could do, but I remember clearly that people would try to convince me to go back to plan A: retirement. Deciding to live my life as an artist I was also giving up on plan B: having a paycheck. To make things a little easier for myself, I decided to immigrate. Why not? Like it wasn't difficult enough to make it in my own language and culture.

For a long time in New York, I could only put in practice the plan C: smoking weed. I did everything but the plan D: to live as an artist. Gladly, I've realized in the very first few months that I would be an artist regardless of how my life goes. I had to agree with myself from the past: it's a part of me. At length, I don't have any plans. And that's not because of a beautiful realization; though I have lots of them; and you should know plan C became a lifestyle; it's because of… the pandemic. Hell yeah, I know you thought you were finally reading a 2020 chronicle that didn't mention the quarantine. The truth is, I'm only writing this to say the entire world is doing exactly what I thought my future could be. Right now, we are learning how we are supposed to be doing absolutely nothing, society is being destroyed by us, all we can think about is getting high and suddenly everyone thinks they can live a life as an artist. I was right this whole time.

Mental Health: What We Need to Know to Fight the Stigma | Mental Health Awareness Month

Millions of people are living with a mental illness in the US. According to NAMI— the National Alliance on Mental Illness, 19.1% of adults experience some sort of mental illness, and 4.6% of adults experience serious mental illness. Although these numbers demonstrate how common this condition is, the stigma around mental illness keeps people from seeking help and from talking about it. Although there is more access to this information today, only 40% of adults with a mental condition receive treatment. 

The same research demonstrates that 50% of all lifetime mental illness begins by the age of 14 and 75% by the age of 24, what demystifies the stigma about mental illness being linked only to the elderly. The studies also show that 16.5% of children from ages 6-17 experience a mental disorder. Although these numbers exemplify how common mental illness is, the presented data is not enough to defeat stigma. Many people are ashamed of talking about their condition. In a society where performance is everything, mental health is easily left dismissed and underestimated.  

Mental illnesses can lead to suicide attempts and disability. One hundred people commit suicide everyday in the United States, which brings up how urgent it is to seriously address mental illness. According to CDC— the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, suicide is the tenth leading cause of death in the US. When we calculate the range from ages 10 and 34, suicide become the second leading cause of death in the country. 

Amongst the prevailing conditions to mental health issues, anxiety disorders are responsible for 19.1% of people who experience mental illness; and major depressive episodes represent 7.2% of the cases. Depression and anxiety are indicators coming from a major problem: the way we operate in society post social media era. The amount of information we deal with on a daily basis is beyond what our brain is capable of absorbing; lifestyle dictatorships reshaped the way we engage in our personal and professional lives; and the worldwide internet connection made us isolate ourselves more and more. To name a few reasons why depression and anxiety are the most common mental disorders in the current times. 

Earlier in the 50's, only serious mental conditions would be considered or treated as mental illness. Other issues such as depression used to be commonly perceived as only sadness. Only a few decades ago, we started to classify in a broader range of mental disorders and finally started to treat them. However, considering that only half of the population are receiving treatment, it is still important to raise awareness around this topic as an effort to normalize mental disorders so everybody can seek help.  

In 2015, NCBI— the National Center of Biotechnology Information, published a survey showing that only 7% of people from developed countries, who responded to the inquiry, believed that mental illness could be overcome. The doubtfulness and misinformation about mental illness not only reinforce the stigma but also create an unsettling environment that makes the conversation about the issue very difficult. People fear losing their jobs and being marginalized by society. 

Fortunately, departments like SAMHSA— the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration and NIMH— the National Institute of Mental Health bring important information to the public about mental health conditions, channels to talk to and where to find help. If you are facing a mental illness or know someone who is, these links below will provide answers to standard questions and guidance to seek help and to provide help for those in need. 

EmpowHer NY believes in the power of communication and in a society where each individual deserves to be heard and assisted in their matters. We understand the responsibility to mention these important channels that positively address mental health issues in this country. Especially during these troubled times given the pandemic of Coronavirus. We stand together now so we all overcome the challenges around mental health and its consequences. By choosing empowerment over shame and compassion over prejudice, we create the space to openly talk about mental health.

Sources:

https://www.nami.org/Home

https://www.samhsa.gov/find-help/national-helpline

https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/index.shtml

Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1-800-273-8255

The Power of Healing Inside Our Community | Sexual Assault Awareness Month

We are social individuals by nature. Even in order to exercise our right to be an individual, we need to be in community. Because our community must be the space for growth and independence. In female environments though, we were raised to a different reality, in which female relationships have been assumed to be unsettling, conflictual and self-centered. We mentioned how harmful and lonely it is to be in a community that doesn't support us. We also discussed how positively impactful it is when we can rely on the community we are inserted in. Since, as women, we have been conditioned to not seek help or to not trust other women, how do we build a community that is safe and supportive for all of us? How do we deconstruct these old beliefs and create new ones? What can we do today in order to become the person we would go to if we needed help?

Historically, women have gathered together to fight for their rights. The right to vote, the right to not be hurt, the right to come and go freely. Although we have gotten far, it is not far enough. Nowadays, we have to fight to preserve the rights we fought for in the past. However, this is not a one soldier fight. We fight for all women; for those who can't fight for themselves; for this generation and the next ones. We fight to create an ideal world that supports women who have gone through sexual violence. We call it sisterhood. We call it change. We call it healing.

We are resourceful. We have built communities that have supported and educated women for the past generations. In female friendships, resourcefulness is essential to help others to start their own healing process, but understanding where it comes from is key. Most of us have been in a situation where we needed support and validation. We might not know all the stories of all women worldwide, but we know a very important one: our own. However, even though we know our own story, sometimes we need to learn the depths of it. That's how we claim it and tell it our own way. When we learn how we have overcome the struggles in our life, it becomes easier to understand someone else's struggles. By knowing our own healing process, we become more empathetic towards someone else's process. This is a huge shift in the way we treat others, especially in the way we treat women. 

We are perceptive. When we understand our story through the lenses of kindness and acceptance, we tend to become also kind and accepting towards others. In all sorts of friendship, trust is an important component. In female friendships, it is crucial. In a world that lacks kindness and understanding, we can win by example. When someone is kind to us, we can extend courtesy and be kind to them. 

We are dependable. The numbers on sexual violence had shown us how scary it is to seek help. Hence, the path to healing. Aspects like guilt and shame hold us back from addressing sexual violence properly and providing support to the victims, because we are too afraid of being judged within our professional and personal lives. The work we need to do to help victims of sexual violence is to create a space they can rely on. A safe space they can talk about their experiences and get help.

We are resilient. We observe and learn from the system that we were raised in. When someone is raised in an environment devoid of acceptance and freedom, the likelihood of someone living according to these social and behavioral inputs is certain. Sisterhood plays an important role to deconstruct this probability. When we challenge the behavior society expects from us, such as judging other women based on their life choices or clothing, blaming them for their sexual violence experiences, we change these inherent social beliefs and transform our community. When we understand we perpetuate certain sexist behaviors in society and we undertake the work of taking care of one another, the healing process begins. 

We are unity. The term sorority became trending on social media. The word refers to a social or political group of women united in the name of social causes for that particular group. However, its meaning has been evolving to a more multidimensional and symbolic matter. Sorority also means sisterhood, empathy, caring and safety. As women, we have been walking towards re-signifying the word sorority and displaying it as an object of cause and ownership. A place where it is safe to go to; where women are no longer known as foes, but friends. Sometimes, sisters. Sorority is the family we have chosen to become part of on behalf of something bigger than ourselves.

Need help?

Call 800-656-4673 to be connected with a trained staff member from a sexual assault service provider in your area.

Sexual Violence: Why Support From Our Sisterhood Matters | Sexual Assault Awareness Month

As we mentioned in the previous article, social norms and education around sex, sexuality, and gender expectations have a huge impact on how people experience and understand sexual violence. It also impacts how we perceive other people's experiences. Doubtfulness is commonly a first reaction when women tell their experience with sexual violence. For instance, inquiries around the clothes they were wearing, where they were when the episode occurred, and what they did or said that could've possibly initiated the inflictor's action.

This response is commonly perpetrated, because we have internalized gender expectations in society. The doubtfulness of the victim's narrative impairs their ability to read the situation that caused them harm, consequently, their ability to trust themselves and others. When the response comes from another woman, it feels even more hurtful and confusing, because we lose our sense of belonging, and build instead, a sense of loneliness and inadequacy within our own community.

Additionally, these responses also translate as micro-aggressions— which are either verbal or behavioral ways to treat someone, intentionally or not, that communicate hostile and/or detrimental judgment towards them. Such as the inquiry about women's life choices, holding the victims accountable for their sexual violence experiences, but have a long-term impact on how women assimilate sexual assault and guilt around it. Statements that are considered low-severity; hence, they are often unobserved or addressed, such as regarding the length of women's skirts; the amount of casual sexual partners they have; and if their behavior provoked their inflictor to react. 

As women, if we can't rely on our community to help us address sexual violence, seek acknowledgement from those we love and trust, and to validate these experiences, the path to healing becomes much longer. These expectations have shaped social interactions among women and held us from building intimacy in our relationships. Intimacy is an essential element in social trustworthy interactions, it brings us together, it strengthens the foundation of relationships. Gender norms have created a sense of competition between us. Therefore, a culture of scarcity among women because misogyny pits us against one another.  

In society, women are notoriously assumed to be judgmental, competitive, and unsupportive of each other. However, my own experience with harassment proved these statements wrong. When I felt exposed and confused, I sought help from a female friend and I found the validation and support I needed to advocate for myself. If I hadn't found support back then, my ability to read the situation would have been impaired and I wouldn't have learned how to speak up.

It is challenging to be vulnerable to someone. When we open up about these experiences, we are seeking support and validation. We are, somehow, asking permission to be who we are, unapologetically. We want to be seen, and when someone sees us, that's when we are vulnerable. It is frightening, but also an opportunity to grow outside trauma. As humans, we want to be loved and accepted. For survivors of sexual violence, it is exhausting, unfair and cruel to spend a lifetime under certain social norms, because we might as well be treated as different. Especially when society doesn't listen to what they have to say, nor protect them from harm.

The exposure to traumatic events in life increases the chances of significant mental issues such as depression, post traumatic stress disorder, and physical health problems. As a consequence, the survivors might experience a low quality life and, more often than ever, social isolation. The lack of support and understanding around sexual violence also causes harm and chronic consequences. It is crucial to build a community that supports each other, does the work on understanding ourselves, acknowledges the facts, and addresses these issues. This is the beginning to create a solution together to end sexual violence. When we unfold our story to someone we trust and they listen to us, the healing process begins to happen.

Need help?

Call 800-656-4673 to be connected with a trained staff member from a sexual assault service provider in your area.