Fear of Missing…What?
If you've never suffered from FOMO (the Fear of Missing Out) in the social media era, count yourself lucky. Especially for anxious people, it's not always easy to make decisions and be 100% satisfied with them. FOMO, for those who are not familiar with the term, is that feeling that you're spending your days with minor things while the rest of the world is having its best time on this planet. I reflected on it on a recent trip to Hawaii.
I started watching videos like "top 10 tips to do in Maui ". Meanwhile, I received some tips from friends. The options are endless. "Go snorkeling at that beach"; "If you want to see turtles, you have to arrive early at that place"; "Don't miss the whales - it's the season!"; "Don't miss the opportunity to drive along this highway to see waterfalls". And so on.
Of course, I gladly received all the tips and took lots of notes. Trying to follow the script for the first two days, I completely ignored the beach located two minutes from my hotel. In my search for new adventures, I got rain, traffic, crowded beaches, and difficulty parking.
The good news is that it's impossible to waste time in that state. Hawaii is like an unforeseen-proof paradise: even when you "make a mistake" you end up in an incredible spot that wasn't even in your plans. But my trip started to pay off when I decided to stay on the beach next to my hotel.
In the first 30 minutes there, I saw a giant turtle. So, I decided to go snorkeling and saw tons of fish of all colors, shapes and sizes. And, of course, at sunset, guess what? Yes, a wonderful show of whales and their calves.
In short, everything that I needed was there. I felt 100% present in the moment, as I hadn't felt in a long time.
FOMO x-ray
The trip is a metaphor for life, and the source of FOMO often has a common origin: the fear of missing opportunities and getting disappointed. Sometimes, it is safer to bet on the herd effect: "If everyone is doing it, it's because it's right, it's because it's cool. Then, I will avoid frustrations". It seems that, more and more, we want to remain in a state of euphoria. But we forget that disappointment, boredom, and the unexpected are also part of life, and they also teach us a lot.
Moreover, following the herd is not always a good option. We can distance ourselves from our true essence, confused about what we really want out of life. Get married and have kids? Backpacking around the world? Adopt a dog? Go to trendy restaurants, shows, and parties? Open your own business? Waking up at 5 am to make your day more productive?
We are used to images of success, and happiness formulas that the Internet makes us believe are real. And this is one of the most harmful symptoms of anxiety generated by FOMO. I invite you to ask yourself: do you want these things, or is FOMO making you believe you do?
Social media has a vital role in this scenario, as studies show. Many researchers have already concluded that people who suffer from FOMO usually have the most screen time. This is not exactly breaking news. But other than blaming social media, we may find inside ourselves some ways to be more present.
Meet FOBO and JOMO
For those who want to get rid of FOMO, I recommend exploring a little more two interesting acronyms: JOMO (the Joy Of Missing Out) and FOBO (the Fear of a Better Option). The first one needs no explanations: it is the opposite of FOMO. In other words: it is the feeling of joy to be left out. It's the ability to be happy with your choices, despite what your family or friends are doing.
After all, we are talking about decision-making. And here, I want to talk a bit about FOBO. It is a concept created by Patrick Mcginnis, the "father" of FOMO(*). He argues in his book "Fear of Missing Out: Practical Decision-Making in a World of Overwhelming Choice" that we often have the perception that something much better is happening out there. As if better options are available, and we're not realizing it. And so we miss the opportunity to evaluate the positive points of the experiences we are living.
He invites us to have a question in mind when we are stuck in the anxiety to do everything simultaneously. Look at the situation and think: "Is there enough good?". If the answer is "yes," you already have the best decision in your hands. It's not about being too comfortable; it's about valuing what you have at the moment without thinking that it could be better.
To conclude, I want to highlight how important it is to keep ourselves loyal to our values. When you know what is essential to you, you will not feel shaken by the decisions of others. It is important to remember that each person has a unique way of interpreting the world. Being true to your own way is one of the biggest antidotes to FOMO.
(*) Patrick McGinnis is considered the father of FOMO and FOBO because he coined those terms for the first time in a 2004 article published in "The Harbus," the student newspaper of Harvard Business School. He is the author of "Fear of Missing Out: Practical Decision-Making in a World of Overwhelming Choice" and hosts a podcast on this subject.
