What does failure mean to you

Since I left my job one year ago, I spent a lot of time thinking about failure. The fact is I’m 33 years old, with no kids, emotional or financial stability, and I don't have my own place. In my head, I’m a loser–sarcastic laugh– but come on! I know I’m not a loser. Years ago, I left a comfy life and moved to another city. Despite all the struggles, I'm healthy, safe and sound. I also survived the pandemic, and just this is something to celebrate.

For me, failure is having many expectations and losing focus on what is really important. It’s like you’re sinking. Especially when you are an adult and have to pay bills every month. I used to look to the past, remembering good memories, and getting stuck in something that was already gone. Also, I used to be addicted to social media. Watching other people “being happy”. We were conditioned to compare ourselves to others, and if you don’t have material possessions, you are considered nobody.

I’ve always been insecure about choices. I was afraid and scared about making bad decisions, and waited for so long that I lost opportunities. The matter of fact is, we shouldn’t wait for the “right moment” because life is happening, and you, my dear, will lose your chance. Weeks ago, I was talking to a friend of mine about waiting for the right time, to act or do certain things in life. It’s funny how the idea to wait is similar to “I will succeed when blah blah blah happens”. If we think about the “right moment”, probably this time will never come.

Photo by Jernej Graj on Unsplash

The last few years were very hard for me. I’m not a great example of thriving, but I can recognize my value as a human being. Living day by day and surviving the craziness created by society, especially when they say that you should marry, have kids and have your dream job (actually, be a workaholic) under 30.

Recently, I read “Year of Yes” by Shonda Rhimes. In this book, Shonda says she used to avoid face-to-face situations as an introvert person. Her life was in a tough spot when she decided to say “yes'' to everything, from taking care of her own health to job opportunities. She was a little frustrated, feeling bad and overwhelmed. At some point, something changed, and she longed for a new routine, and perspective. And it is clear to me how the power of our decisions affects our future (short, medium or long term). Everything happens during the right time. And of course, by saying  “yes” more often to opportunities, that should bring you growth.

It took me more than 30 years to understand that I can’t have magical formulas or immediate results. I had to prove myself in easy and complex situations to recognize my own value. Remember, you’re not a failure, you are a survivor, and success vs failure is relative. For my own sanity, I avoid some magazines, social media profiles and toxic people. And guess what? This was the best thing that I could do for myself. It’s also important to have a support network. Surround yourself with them. I’m proud to say that I still have a close group of family and friends that are by my side, in good and bad times.

Today, my priorities are mental and physical health, doing my things without feeling guilty, with respect and humility. What’s yours?

Caroline Souza

Caroline Souza is a Designer and Writer based in Rio de Janeiro. She believes in art and culture as a way to success and learning. And loves music, movies, books, and photography.

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