The Abuser Is Invisible | Sexual Assault Awareness Month

According to UN Women — the United Nations entity dedicated to gender equality and the empowerment of women, approximately 15 million adolescents worldwide (aged 15-19) have experienced some form of sexual violence. It's estimated that 35 percent of women have experienced physical or sexual violence at some point in their lives. When we look at some national studies, the numbers are up to 70 percent. Statistically, sexual crimes are often perpetrated by someone the victim knows- a friend of the family, a romantic partner, an acquaintance. Why then, does the global narrative around violence continue to frame the abuser as the stranger in a dark alley at night? And why do we continue to believe that's the only danger we should be protecting ourselves from?

I grew up listening to my mom tell the same story: There was a man who dragged around a potato sack looking for kids to steal. As a child I imagined  an ogre who lived in the darkness with magical powers- he could smell fear from a great distance and hear thoughts. As a result, I believed safety could only look like  home and that dark places were dangerous. And while the ogre may be of children’s nightmares, my fear of being alone in the dark has never completely gone away, neither at home nor anywhere else. Years later, friends in college would share similar anecdotes from childhood. These stories created a narrative of fear, teaching us as children to watch out for dark alleys and streets, without actually naming, showing or trusting us to know what danger is. News sources also often reinforce the stereotype of "stranger danger" by highlighting outlier cases to a much more insidious reality: It is more common for sexual violence to be committed inside our own homes than on the streets we've been raised to be wary of. And that's what we need to talk about. 

The numbers above reflect that most perpetrators of sexual crimes are not strangers to us, nor someone who lurks in the darkness.They are our parents, our significant others, a family friend or a neighbor. They reside in our personal and professional circles. In reality, people who commit harm are not invisible because their actions are subtle, but rather because families often don’t have the tools to identify red flags in behavior. Children are socialized in ways that often make them vulnerable to harm. Even today, it is still common in Western culture for children to be “seen and not heard”, to be considered the property of adults, and to defer to adults in all things. How we socialize children then based on their gender, can have lasting impacts well into adulthood.Historically, we've misinterpreted the threat, misleading our children to avoid  the danger that lives on the streets and in dark alleys, without preparing them to identify and respond to the threat when it looks friendly and familiar. Statistically, this is not exponential, this reality has always been there. 

Now more than ever, raising awareness around childhood sexual abuse and its long term impact on survivors and their communities reverberations through their adult lives is essential to build a better and safer future. Generations and generations of children who couldn't speak up, nor defend themselves against the people  were supposed to protect them, keep them safe and love them. By learning the stories behind these numbers, we are able to identify the root causes of violence, working to address it by teaching our children how to identify harm and how to ask for help. 

For the past two decades though, many organizations across the country have been working to prevent sexual violence in childhood. For instance, NSVRC—the National Sexual Violence Resource Center provides information for survivors, friends and family; advocates and educators. Along with channels like RAINN—the Rape, Abuse, & Incest National Network, NSVRC offers helpful and clarifying tools such as online resources, connection to local services for survivors, and a database on state laws around reporting, in order to prevent and respond to sexual violence through collaboration and resource sharing. At EmpowHer NY, we believe that ending sexual violence must start with us, in our communities, in our families and with our children.

Source:
https://www.unwomen.org/en/about-us/about-un-women
https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/pdf/can/CSA-factsheet508.pdf
https://www.nsvrc.org/preventing-child-sexual-abuse-resources
https://www.rainn.org/safety-parents


Need help?

Call 800-656-4673 to be connected with a trained staff member from a sexual assault service provider in your area.

Wendia Machado

Wendia Machado is a Brazilian writer who currently lives in Brooklyn, NY. Born and raised in Aracaju, Brazil, the dream of achieving a successful career as a writer in the Big Apple presented itself when she was only seven. Nowadays, Wendia is a freelance columnist in NYC working on two projects: a first play O Sentido that will come out in 2020, and her first novel.

Instagram: @WendiaMachado

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