The wait for the "bikini body" shouldn't be endless

Rummaging through drawers, my best friend found some old photos of us from the late 90s. She immediately sent it to me. How fun it is to have the opportunity to travel in time through these pictures! 

The first thing that struck me — aside from the inexplicable tribal henna tattoo I wore on my belly that summer — was how skinny I was. Curiously, as far as I remember, I didn't feel skinny back then. The so-called bikini body has always seemed to me like a distant dream. I was always terrified of gaining weight, and I had never felt my stomach was flat enough.

Wondering how I could feel inadequate in that shape, I shared that story with a few friends and, after a while, on my Instagram account. Almost instantly, I got lots of similar stories. 

Unfortunately, many of us learn about body dissatisfaction at very early ages. And once we believe that we have a list of physical flaws to improve, a new chapter starts - the endless pursuit of the bikini body.  

Wanting to improve, in general, is something good. The problem is waiting to have a specific type of body to feel confident enough and do whatever we want. To go to the gym using a crop top; to have sex with the lights on; to start a new sport; to ask for a raise; to get rid of a toxic relationship… to wear a bikini. You name it. 

It may seem that those things are unconnected, but studies show that a poor body image can affect us psychologically, physically, and even financially. It can trigger eating disorders and a troubled relationship with food and physical activity, increasing the obesity risk and associated chronic issues.  

The time, energy, and money we spend thinking about the "dream body" can disrupt our lives, and only ourselves can change that perception. As the author and activist, Virgie Tovar, wrote in her book You Have the Right to Remain Fat (2018): "I am also a 250-pound woman who chose to stop dieting because I wanted to start living my life rather than continue dreaming about it". 

Can I have ice cream?

This misperception about my body started to change in my 30s when I began writing about eating behavior, beauty standards, and women's self-esteem. But it's not because I finally got "the body" I dreamed of for years. It's because I started to understand why we are so influenced by the idea that there is an ideal body type. I finally became aware of what was behind the fear of gaining weight. 

And I will tell you something: there are many layers behind this fear. It would cost me another article about it, or even a book. But the important thing here is to flag when this feeling that our body is never enough imprisons us. 

In 2006, Little Miss Sunshine won the spotlight and many awards telling Olive's story, a seven-year-old girl whose biggest dream was to become a beauty contest winner. I rewatched this movie recently and noticed that it remains so contemporary. 

A scene, in particular, drew my attention. Olive (Abigail Breslin) is at a diner with her family. She decides to have ice cream for breakfast. Her mom consents, while her dad warns that those calories would turn into fat on her belly. According to him, that was not wise conduct for a person who wants to become a beauty queen. 

After this passive-aggressive little advice, she evidently hesitates to eat the ice cream. And when she finally does, a certain amount of guilt is involved. 

The ice cream is an interesting metaphor for the pressure that beauty standards put on us. It makes us put looks first, disregarding thousands of sensations that our body can offer us.

Nowadays, we talk a lot about self-acceptance. But, before reaching that, it's valid to focus on understanding the dread of gaining weight. Because even if you don't like certain parts of your body, it's essential to have respect for it. After all, how can we take care of something we don't like? 

Eating well, exercising, and having a healthy relationship with your image are crucial attitudes towards mental health. We should focus our energy on what our bodies can do for us. Looks are just one part of what we represent in this world. 

A body that doesn't fit the current beauty standard (unreachable for most women) still deserves to work out, love and be loved, to go to the beach, to have good quality sex, and eat ice cream. We should not allow anyone to make us believe otherwise.