Overthinker

Overthinking will not make your problems disappear 

A TikTok trend about anxious minds caught my attention recently. In the images, you see a woman on a regular day – watering plants, having a black coffee, or trying to fall asleep. In the background, she is narrating her thoughts, saying things like: "OMG, I had an entire cheesecake yesterday"; "I should call my dad"; "What if I had accepted that job offer?"; "I have almost no friends"; "Am I depressed?". 

I frequently see myself in this cycle, overwhelmed by my reflections, and found out that there is a name for it: "overthinking." It's a common habit among anxious people, whose cause some experts explain as a "chicken or egg question." People with poor mental health can be overthinkers, while overthinking can trigger mental health issues.

So, I asked my therapist: "are there some people who think more than others?". In other words: "Am I… special?". She kindly gave me a fascinating neurological explanation, pointing out that our neural connections are much more complex than this. She also warned me that thinking and overthinking are not the same. 

It totally makes sense to me. While thinking evokes reflection and problem-solving, overthinking is related to rumination about even the tiniest life details. Overthinkers are more prone to obsessively devote themselves to events that happened in the past or will happen in the future (Voilá! That's how an anxious mind works!). They can review – over and over – situations and dialogues that they had; or worry too much about events that might come. 

Control freaks 

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Behind an overthinker mind is the desire to control things and avoid suffering. It's as if, thinking hard, we could imagine all possible scenarios so that we always feel safe. But life is not like that; life is unpredictable. I have a personal story that taught me a lot about it.

When I first moved to San Francisco, California, I felt a small earthquake. It was 2 am, and I woke up feeling like the building was crumbling. The day after, I talked to many friends who have lived here longer than me, and most of them said something like: "Oh, that? It was 4.2. It was nothing!". One of them told me: "I don't get out of my bed for anything less than 5". I was shocked, terrified, and could not believe that those people were fine living in a place where the earth shakes! 

It turned out that I spent the next two months overthinking earthquakes. I could not sleep anymore. Finally, I realized that there's nothing more unpredictable than natural disasters, and an earthquake is possibly the one thing in the world that I have less control over in my life. Thinking about it will not prevent it from happening. 

Then I started to focus on what I could control: buying an earthquake safety kit and living in a less risky neighborhood. And that's all that I can do. Of course, I still think about it, but I can sleep now because I know I did what I could.

In short, overthinking is a counterproductive habit because we cannot control the past or the future. Most of the time, not even the present. 

Are you an overthinker?

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In an Inc Magazine article, psychotherapist Amy Morin, author of "13 things mentally strong people don't do", explains that overthinking is different from self-reflection, when we are trying to learn something to become a better person; or problem-solving, when we are searching for solutions to our issues. She lists 10 signs that you are an overthinker, so you can check it to see if you relate to the symptoms.  

One common thought among overthinkers is the "what if" question. "What if the plane crashes?"; "What if I had been more solid in that discussion?"; "What if my friends misunderstood what I said yesterday?". Again: it's impossible to control everything, especially what people think about us. 

To anxious people, it is hard to stop this whirlwind of thoughts sometimes. But it's essential to make a conscious effort to train the brain before it becomes a habit. Studies show that ruminating is linked with stress, depression, and anxiety and can be very harmful to your mood and sleep quality.

Experts also say that overthinkers can procrastinate more and become paralyzed when faced with decisions.

How to stop the cycle

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There are many tips to stop the ruminating cycle. One of the funniest (but maybe I'll try) is the one that tells you to choose a time of day for overthinking. It may work; I imagine that it could bring some sense of control. Or you can try the opposite, cleaning your mind with meditation or writing down your thoughts. 

Another good option is to distract yourself with activities that put you in a positive mood, like hobbies, physical exercises, reading, or listening to music. Maybe talk to a friend about it so you can have another point of view.  

The most important is to recognize the pattern and try to bring your thoughts to a conscious level: 

• What am I afraid of?

• Are those thoughts helpful? Are they bringing me good insights, or just more anxiety? 

• Are those thoughts real or just a fantasy? (Our brain is excellent in imagining catastrophic scenarios)

• Is there something that I can do to solve this situation? Or is it out of my control? If the answer is yes, do it. If it is no, leave it. Overthinking by itself is useless. 

More than that, ask yourself why you are overthinking a specific subject; or why your mind is working so fast? Try to understand what is behind this pattern to work on the cause, not just the symptom. Self-acknowledgement seems to be the answer for most of our emotional issues. Professional help could be necessary. 

Finally, it's important to remember that our brain can always learn new habits. It's all about training, as I could prove it to myself. I am still overthinking about millions of other issues, but every time I feel that I'm spending too much energy/time on a single thing, it turns on my "earthquake alarm." Sometimes our need for control shakes a little – and it's okay.