How I Misinterpreted Body Positivity

Have you ever hidden behind a social movement flag to run from reality? Yes, I have. I did it for a while, actually.

Precisely, between 2015 and 2018, before I had bariatric surgery (you can read more about it here). I was nurturing self-esteem based on cute outfits that made me feel empowered and sexy - and people not only noticed it, but admired me for it. On the inside, I was struggling with imposter syndrome - I was NOT confident like the Body Positivity movement preached, I wasn’t happy with my figure, but I thought I needed to fake it ‘till I made it since that was my reality. Truth be told, I was conforming myself with that fat body because I was too far into the scale, and it seemed too hard to get back on track… So I might as well embrace it.

The Body Positivity movement calls for the acceptance of all shapes and sizes, ending the culture of fat-shaming and discrimination against people based upon their size and body weight. It’s about accepting yourself and learning how to embrace your uniqueness versus the insecurities society gave you. For example, you can accept and should love your small boobs regardless of society telling you to get them big and perky. You don’t have to fit into a size 6 ‘cause of fashion moguls if your frame is naturally bigger and more welcoming to a size 8 or 10. You get the picture, right?

Like any social movement, eventually, people can become extremists about its cause. We saw that happening with the backlash Ashley Graham received when she lost a few pounds and suddenly was taken as a traitor of the movement. Same with Adele, who allegedly became a “sold out to diet culture.” Sometimes I see Tik Tok videos with girls telling their weight loss journey and people angrily comment “stop it, you don’t need to lose more weight!” This makes me terrified and a bit angry - since when Body Positivity means not being able to lose weight? Especially knowing obesity is a health issue that increases the risks of diabetes, cardiovascular diseases, musculoskeletal disorders, sleep apnea, and even cancer. We can accept the body we’re in at any given moment, but that doesn’t mean conforming to what could harm us in the long run.

I knew exactly how I got to 262lbs, and I was judgmental about it. Honestly, like all other dualities in my life, this was another paradox. I was extremely critical about my looks and eating behavior while trying to raise my self-esteem based on shifting sand. If Body Positivity is about self-acceptance, I was not delivering it - I was creating more tension instead. By then, I realized how badly my sleep apnea was affecting me, my feet and knee joints hurt from walking, I had new stretch marks and painful cellulitis… Things were getting way too out of control for a 28-year-old. It was time to realize there was no positivity in all that. My conformity was leading to a comorbidity. 

What took me a while to get was that Body Positivity never meant the conformity I was living in. It also doesn’t mean you *have* to love your body - you just have to appreciate and accept it as it is in that given moment. I can accept my obese body for how far it got me, but I couldn’t be passive about it anymore. It wasn’t healthy. Letting go of myself because I had a big movement to “cover my back” was not the long-term solution. I needed to be held accountable. So, I consulted with my primary doctor, went back to therapy, and started my bariatric surgery process.

This is Body Positivity; embracing body diversity and appreciation of where you stand despite society trying so hard to profit from our insecurities (thanks for the eye-opening call, Mrs. Wolff.) Now, the turning point is: if your health is at risk - you shouldn’t conform to it like I did. But also, if it makes you uncomfortable, it isn’t meant to be accepted. It might be a good moment to take a look inside and consider finding help. 

We need to give loving attention to our body and minds. To learn to differentiate what is a real insecurity versus what we learned to consider as one. Being mindful about finding balance in our lifestyle. To be guided by love and not hatred for our bodies. Balance to be able to workout for joy and endorphin, not becoming obsessed or take it as an obligation. To be able to make healthy choices without counting calories. To see worth in yourself without comparing your body and journey to the influencers. More importantly, being able to distinguish what is an unrealistic standard and something you can accomplish within your body type range.

You can read The Beauty Myth and still want to have a tummy tuck if it really bothers you. Body Positivity is about acceptance, remember? The bottom line is, if you’re really uncomfortable about your body, you can try working around it with the support of multidisciplinary help. It might be therapy, a dietitian, a personal trainer, or maybe supportive friends, a Facebook group, or a ClubHouse chatroom. Anything that provides you real support. 

If you want, reach out to me, I’m a great listener! We are in this together. 

Don’t let anyone minimize your uncomfortableness because you should “accept yourself” or because “you look beautiful.” You’re not “meant to” be any way if that bothers you in the bottom of your heart. Don’t let Body Positivity become a pressure on you, it doesn’t dictate your worthiness or how empowered you are.