I’m Busy Inside of a Cat’s Belly | Chronicles Of The Young Immigrant Women

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When I was younger (five minutes ago) I thought life couldn’t go on without me. My naive egoic head is leading me towards madness ever since I came to Rio de Janeiro to stay a couple of months. Living in New York City is by far the weirdest challenge for a young adult who believes they’re the center of the universe: everyone there hopes for the same. Being young means trying to control everything around you, especially for this generation as there isn’t a lot of reference. You see, teenaging already sucks, but for us it sucked differently, because we suffered digitally in jeans-to-jeans outfits. Our future looks tree-less, water-less and intelligence-less but hey! at least society understood that low waist jeans were the biggest cultural mistake ever. Which kinda gives me hope. Taking back the control of this narrative, having roots in a country rather than the one I chose to live in, teaches me everyday that peace of mind is never an option. I pretty much think they will be no such thing as being fulfilled for an immigrant. I get really mad when life happens without me. By life I mean things I know. And by things I know I mean whatever I could care about. People die when I’m not present. Buildings are sold. Avenues disappear. Babies are born. Babies grow and they won’t recognize me. New memes are replacing me in my group of friends. My group of friends are not even the same. These friends have new friends and I don’t like them. How dare the people I love are living their lives without me? How come the city that I was born in doesn’t need my bus ticket? How come the city that I chose to live in is not missing my presence in the subway? Isn’t it terrible having to let go of knowing and participating always? Having to choose where you’re losing? Being an immigrant is not like an incomplete puzzle. It’s being the lost piece under the carpet and getting eaten by a cat who will run away in the middle of the night and come back three years later as if nothing happened. Now that I’m older I no longer think life shouldn’t go on without me. I’m sure it cannot. Dear world, you can only spin when I want to. Thank you very much.