My 22 Year History with Anxiety and Depression | Mental Health
When I was fourteen years old, I was put on my first antidepressant. My parents were going through a long, extremely drawn out divorce and it rocked my middle school world. I moved with my mom and my sister from a very large, upper middle-class suburban home into a two-bedroom apartment. I was in shock and confused and needed some help. I thought the help would be temporary.
But I never got off the medicine. I tried a few times, thinking maybe I didn’t need it anymore. That I could handle this on my own. That always led to a downward spiral of sadness and extreme anxiety. That’s how I learned this is a true illness and I can’t just “kick it” with good habits and yoga and green juice and meditation.
When I was 29, I was pregnant with my first son. I was so excited to bring my sweet boy into the world and I knew that being a mom would be hard, but manageable. Reading that now just makes me laugh. Because for the second time, my world was literally rocked.
No medical professionals spoke with me before I gave birth about the higher possibility of postpartum depression because I had a history of depression and anxiety. They mentioned the “Baby Blues” but those would go away with time.
Fast forward three weeks and I was laying in my dark bedroom with my baby boy crying all day and trying to get him to nurse. It was the loneliest moment of my entire life. I didn’t answer my phone. I didn’t respond to texts. I didn’t talk to my husband who was trying hard to help. I made sure my child’s basic needs were being met and that was all.
I did attend a few social obligations with the baby. And I put on my biggest smile and flowest dress and talked to everyone about how beautiful motherhood was. How it was changing my life. Along with the large glass of wine I would be drinking. Then I would go home and cry in my bedroom again.
I really knew how to put on a show. I ended up getting help a few weeks later, but if I hadn’t reached out, would anyone but my husband know I wasn’t okay?
I doubt it. I became a master of disguise far before postpartum depression. I woke up so many days and dreaded what was before me. But that didn’t matter. I had to do life. I had to go to school. I had to go to work. I had to be productive and succeed because when you have anxiety there is no other option.
I would shower and get ready and my makeup and hair would always be done. I was always put together and brought a smile and a jovial laugh to any party. I loved to drink. Which didn’t mix well with my anti-anxiety medication. I found myself at the age of 24, living in Nashville, swinging a full-time job while drinking to my hearts content every single night. At the time, the mixture of Xanax and alcohol were the only things that made me feel okay about life.
This was the first time I hit rock bottom. I was broke, hungover, miserable, and pulling off my 9-5 with top marks. I don’t know how I did it, but I’m guessing the pills I popped every now and then helped.
The moral of this story is Women need to learn it’s okay to ask for help. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness. It is the strongest but hardest thing you can do. I don’t know if I would be writing these words today if I hadn’t reached out for help so many times. And you aren’t the only person with anxiety or depression or a drinking problem. You aren’t the only Master of Disguise out there.
You can and will get better. I promise. GET. THE. HELP. YOU. NEED. SO. BADLY.
Embrace your Wellness: Mental Health Issues Need to Be Addressed in the Workplace
There is no way to deny that most of us spend more time in our workplaces than at home. And, at the same time that it can be good for your professional career and success, it can also increase your chances to be affected by the stressful atmosphere you are working in. But how can we deal with that, besides the fact we are women fighting, day after day, to occupy spaces we deserve in our fields?
Just to contextualize before we go deeper in our topic, take a look at some numbers about women in the American workforce, important data to understand where part of the stress comes from. There are 75.9 million women in the civilian labor force (U.S. Department of Labor), and even with more than half of management occupations held by women (51.5%), we are less represented the higher up we go inside the companies: female workers make only 5% of CEO positions, and 11% of the top earners in the country (Catalyst Women in S&P 500 Companies).
Now, speaking about mental health, the numbers are also worrisome: 58% of people are unmotivated at work, 50% engage in unhealthy behaviors to cope with workplace stress (Mental Health America); and 37% said their work environment contributed to their symptoms (Mind Share Partners Mental Health at Work). For us, it’s even worse: around 5 million employed American women deal with depression each year, and 54% say they couldn’t discuss mental issues at work without fear of discrimination (Good Housekeeping Institute). All the statistics have shown us that, even though mental health is still a stigma, we really need to talk about it since who’s struggling needs to be seen. It means we need to urge for companies to create safe spaces for disclosure because we all need an open way to communicate about our problems.
Mental health has everything to do with wellbeing, not the opposite as some people may think. When you work for a company that fosters motivation and engagement, you’ll be more likely to be in a healthy workplace. Also, it will strongly encourage us to not remain silent anymore. Talking about behavioral health is challenging but necessary, and it can save lives. Women are dealing with equality issues in their jobs all the time, and sometimes it is impossible to avoid that it will have a negative impact on their mood, productivity, relationships inside and outside the workplace and, of course, their health.
Stress from work can increase the risk of chronic diseases and heart attack, so we need to accept the idea that stress is a big part of the job. Besides stress and anxiety, it’s important to pay attention to symptoms such as deep sensation of sadness, loss of interest in activities, difficulty to concentrate, trouble remembering and making decisions, feeling of worthlessness and guilt, energy loss, irritability, and procrastination. Simple daily events can pull triggers, the main point is when or if you or your colleagues are ready to identify them.
In a recent Time magazine’s article, specialists said that the Millennial employees (24-39 years old) are getting companies to rethink workers’ mental health in a radical way: depression and anxiety are changing the business scenario with different needs from the young workers, especially female ones. Burnout is the new emotional-physical-mental state of people who work under excessive and prolonged stress, which makes them feel totally overwhelmed, drained and unable to be productive, motivated, and satisfied as they could be. Depression is now the fastest-growing health condition between them, but fortunately young people are more likely to share their struggles with their bosses compared to people ages 54 to 72 (American Psychiatric Association). It’s a fact companies have a lot of requirements to hire people, but as professionals and human beings, we need to require environmental wellness from them too.
We deserve to be in a work environment that inspires us. We need to feel safe, seen and valued in the place we are spending most of the time in our daily lives. Nowadays, more and more companies see mental health as crucial for everybody’s success. They are already aware about the challenge to address mental health correctly, and we believe hard times like the pandemic can help the market to see that they need to work closer to their employees, even more when they cannot be close physically.
When you share, you feel empowered. If your company doesn’t have a mental health support group/counselor, you can suggest them to create one. You may not be the only one dealing with issues, but can be the first one to change your workplace for the better!
If you or someone you know needs help:
https://www.samhsa.gov/find-help/national-helpline
Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1-800-273-8255
The Change Begins With Us | Mental Health Awareness Month
Since we have already talked about mental illness statistics, the taboo around medication and how important it is to fight stigma, let's talk about how we can actually help someone with a mental health condition. One of the main concerns about helping somebody with mental illness is that we don't know much about it and we don't feel fully equipped to offer proper help, which is a valid and appropriate response to this matter. To that end, we will bring here some of the official channels in order to get information from it and learn the tools to help others. Additionally, we want to share with you some insights we have gained along the way and, together, create a positive space where everybody is welcome.
There are many initiatives in the United States that support people with mental illness. We will name a few from which we will learn more about mental health in its many aspects. NAMI— the National Alliance on Mental Illness, is the largest grassroots mental health organization in the country dedicated to building better lives for people affected by mental illnesses. Their mission is to provide advocacy, education, support and public awareness to individuals and their families affected by mental illness.
Additionally, NIH— the National Institute of Health, which is the largest biomedical research agency in the world, has created NIMH— the National Institute of Mental Health, which is the lead federal agency for research on mental disorders. They envisage a world where mental illness can be preventable and curable. In order to accomplish that, their mission is to transform understanding and treatment of mental illness through basic and clinical research. In both institutes, we can find reliable information about mental health, answers to standard questions, and adicional channels and partnerships to get help from.
Once we learn basic information about mental health, another important step is to pay attention to those around us. We never know how and when we will encounter someone who needs help. When we talked about fighting taboo against medication, we also addressed there is a lot of blame and guilt experienced by those with a mental health condition. Part of the solution to defeat stigma is the willingness to be open about this matter and to listen to what people with a mental illness have to say. Once we open a space that is devoid of judgement and criticism, it becomes easier to talk about it and to seek a solution for it.
It is important to hold society accountable for how mental health is approached in professional and social settings these days. And, even though it is essential to acknowledge we all play a part in this major problem, we can also do the work to be part of the solution. Even when we don't feel fully equipped to offer help to someone with a mental health condition, simple questions such as "Are you ok?" and "Do you want to talk about it?"; are conversation starters and it could save somebody's life because people with any kind of mental illness fear social isolation and, most of the time, prejudice. Positive affirmations such as "Your feelings are valid." and "I'm here when and if you want to talk about it." build the validation these people need.
We navigate relationships differently in personal and professional settings. Therefore, needs and expectations differ from one environment to another. When it comes to mental health though, change in society will happen when we stand together to fight stigma and dismissiveness. In a world where all of us encounter challenges to be accepted and loved in society, those with a mental illness suffer even more. It is important that we stand up and create a safer and embracing environment for them. After all, we never know if we as well might need help one day.
There is a misbelief that mental illness is a condition far away from our reality, the statistics have shown it is not. It is actually more common than we want to believe it is and it negatively impacts society. That is why we must talk about it and act on it. The channels we presented earlier in this article are the main ones, however, there are other initiatives that are committed to improve the life condition of those with mental health issues. There are serious studies in which we can rely on and learn from, there are experts behind these institutions as well, ready to answer questions and to welcome anyone who wants to help.
Most importantly, the knowledge and approach on mental health is on an exponential and increasing curve, which means we are closer than ever before to change the scenario worldwide on how we deal with mental health. Once we change our attitude towards people with mental illness, our actions will help them to heal, but it will also have the power to reverberate to more and more people.
Consequently, we broaden the range of people receiving proper attention and treatment. Hopefully, we will be able to change the reality of these numbers on mental illness. We will be able to fight social isolation, suicide attempts, amongst other aftermaths of this condition. Approaching mental health with an open mind can save lives. Mine, yours, somebody else's. We are all in this together.
If you or someone you know needs help:
https://www.samhsa.gov/find-help/national-helpline
Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1-800-273-8255
The Taboo Around Medication: An Honest Conversation About It | Mental Health Awareness Month
Although the statistics on mental illness have shown how common this condition is, many people hesitate to seek psychological help. In the interviews for this article, people shared their experiences with medication, psychiatrist treatment, and the challenges before and post medication. The result is an honest conversation about feelings towards the world, the challenge of living a fulfilling life with mental health conditions, and the struggle of living a balanced life in a society that is not fully prepared to help.
Apathy towards life, no perspective of a future, devoid of feelings, thoughts about death, and the sensation of emptiness are some of the symptoms of depression. "It feels like something's wrong when I can get out of bed.". H— one of the interviewees, declared.
"At first, it felt like a lot of noise in my head. Bad thoughts like if something bad was about to happen were common. As when you trip on the stairs and you are about to fall."
E— another interviewee said about first experience with medication:
"In the beginning, there is a lot of experimentation. Psychological and physical effects such as insomnia, hands shaking, and what they call "vivid dreams" make things even harder. Medication impacted my creativity and I felt this numbness about my feelings."
In the social media era, it can be overwhelming to put yourself out there and share these experiences; however, social media can help to break stigma. It is important to talk about it on the channels we have to our disposal so we know we are not alone in this. According to E:
"It doesn't have to be taboo. When I met people who also took medication and I learned about their experiences, I knew I was not alone in this. That helped me to understand and accept my own experience. I needed medication at that moment.The goal is to get off it at a certain point. You are not the medication."
Currently, the way society approaches the issue can be retraumatizing for people with mental illness. It can also decelerate their healing process. Lack of support and understanding at professional settings is commonly narrated by the interviewees.
"There was a certain passive aggressiveness in their comments about my mental stability."
Professional environments often lack empathy due to the expectations on how professionals should perform. Micro-aggressions like untrustworthiness on their skills after they've shared a diagnosis can be as harmful as the illness itself. In a world where our worth is based on how we professionally perform, mental health must be part of the conversation about the future of work. The unwillingness to discuss it in professional environments increases the levels of anxiety and discomfort for those with a mental health condition. E recalled:
"At work, I would lie about taking medication by saying I was sick."
As anxiety has turned into a buzzword broadly used on social media, it becomes a challenge to properly identify anxiety issues for those who need treatment. In general, there are different levels of anxiety and, even though they all need attention, certain levels of this condition can lead to serious mental illnesses.
"It's hard to accept that, in order to function in the world, I needed medication."
There is a deep inner-judgment about our own living condition with psychiatrist medication. Most of the time, this judgment comes from social stigmas such as people with mental illness are assumed to be unreliable to function in society. Consequently, they fear isolation and oppression. That is why many patients hesitate to seek help, hence to start treatment with medication. Right at the beginning of E's treatment, they recalled:
"I took a long time to seek help, and I regret not doing it earlier because of my own judgment. Medication is not the only way, but it is a tool that helps you to get through it."
H insightfully stated that "Depression is a liar. It tells you that things are worse than they actually are. Most of the time it's about what we tell ourselves, it's not real. The real you would never talk to you like that. The real you would remind you are loved." As a matter of fact, the two interviewees in this article are real people, but it is ethical to protect their identity and that is why we called them E and H.
E stands for Empathy— the ability to understand one's feelings. H stands for Hope— the grounds for believing that something good may happen. These two instances are key to help people with mental illness.
EmpowHer NY stands with those who need space and also want to talk about mental health. We hope this piece will be part of a major conversation to address mental health issues. To that end, we leave the messages of hope and empathy from our interviewees for those who just started treatment with medication:
"You're doing it right. Don't rush yourself. Take your time."
"This is a process and it is okay to feel ashamed and vulnerable. This is a journey that will make you progress and feel better."
If you or someone you know needs help:
https://www.samhsa.gov/find-help/national-helpline
Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1-800-273-8255
Mental Health: What We Need to Know to Fight the Stigma | Mental Health Awareness Month
Millions of people are living with a mental illness in the US. According to NAMI— the National Alliance on Mental Illness, 19.1% of adults experience some sort of mental illness, and 4.6% of adults experience serious mental illness. Although these numbers demonstrate how common this condition is, the stigma around mental illness keeps people from seeking help and from talking about it. Although there is more access to this information today, only 40% of adults with a mental condition receive treatment.
The same research demonstrates that 50% of all lifetime mental illness begins by the age of 14 and 75% by the age of 24, what demystifies the stigma about mental illness being linked only to the elderly. The studies also show that 16.5% of children from ages 6-17 experience a mental disorder. Although these numbers exemplify how common mental illness is, the presented data is not enough to defeat stigma. Many people are ashamed of talking about their condition. In a society where performance is everything, mental health is easily left dismissed and underestimated.
Mental illnesses can lead to suicide attempts and disability. One hundred people commit suicide everyday in the United States, which brings up how urgent it is to seriously address mental illness. According to CDC— the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, suicide is the tenth leading cause of death in the US. When we calculate the range from ages 10 and 34, suicide become the second leading cause of death in the country.
Amongst the prevailing conditions to mental health issues, anxiety disorders are responsible for 19.1% of people who experience mental illness; and major depressive episodes represent 7.2% of the cases. Depression and anxiety are indicators coming from a major problem: the way we operate in society post social media era. The amount of information we deal with on a daily basis is beyond what our brain is capable of absorbing; lifestyle dictatorships reshaped the way we engage in our personal and professional lives; and the worldwide internet connection made us isolate ourselves more and more. To name a few reasons why depression and anxiety are the most common mental disorders in the current times.
Earlier in the 50's, only serious mental conditions would be considered or treated as mental illness. Other issues such as depression used to be commonly perceived as only sadness. Only a few decades ago, we started to classify in a broader range of mental disorders and finally started to treat them. However, considering that only half of the population are receiving treatment, it is still important to raise awareness around this topic as an effort to normalize mental disorders so everybody can seek help.
In 2015, NCBI— the National Center of Biotechnology Information, published a survey showing that only 7% of people from developed countries, who responded to the inquiry, believed that mental illness could be overcome. The doubtfulness and misinformation about mental illness not only reinforce the stigma but also create an unsettling environment that makes the conversation about the issue very difficult. People fear losing their jobs and being marginalized by society.
Fortunately, departments like SAMHSA— the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration and NIMH— the National Institute of Mental Health bring important information to the public about mental health conditions, channels to talk to and where to find help. If you are facing a mental illness or know someone who is, these links below will provide answers to standard questions and guidance to seek help and to provide help for those in need.
EmpowHer NY believes in the power of communication and in a society where each individual deserves to be heard and assisted in their matters. We understand the responsibility to mention these important channels that positively address mental health issues in this country. Especially during these troubled times given the pandemic of Coronavirus. We stand together now so we all overcome the challenges around mental health and its consequences. By choosing empowerment over shame and compassion over prejudice, we create the space to openly talk about mental health.
Sources:
https://www.samhsa.gov/find-help/national-helpline
https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/index.shtml
Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1-800-273-8255