Pride | An Illustrated Column By Ezra W Smith

Pride month is over. And what a month it was!

So many times I heard people saying that this 2020 pride is the most authentic one we’ve had in a while. I cannot agree more. I liked it, I liked it a lot. It felt authentic. Centering pride around people of color is the way to go, in my opinion. Intersectionality is the key to understanding human experiences. Let’s do it more from now on, let’s center people with disabilities, let’s center children, who often are not allowed to speak for themselves and basically denied their queer experiences and identities!

But let me tell you one thing: pride was always a riot for me. And for (too) many other people on this planet. I happened to be born to a place where pride was never allowed. I happened to live in a place where up to this day pride is met with violence and hate.

It’s easy to be comfortable in a relatively small New York or San-Francisco bubble, or Amsterdam bubble… we have some good bubbles on this planet, and we should be grateful for them. But that’s not all there is.

Here are just some numbers to reflect on:

Only in 29 countries (out of 195) can same-sex couples get married.

Only 26 countries allow same-sex couples to adopt children.

Only 9 countries in the world have constitutional protection against discrimination based on sexual orientation.

In 70 countries around the world, consensual same-sex sexual activity is criminalized.

In 13 countries people are still facing the death penalty for same-sex acts.

Even in the countries where LGBTQ+ folks’ rights are protected by law, social stigma means that it can be dangerous to live openly. I don’t know anyone from my hometown who would be queer and not live in constant fear.

I wished I could attend a safe, non-violent pride march. I wished I could celebrate who I am without facing others yelling homophobic insults from the porches of the churches that happened to be on the march way. For a few years I really wanted to travel somewhere during pride month, like to the Netherlands, and actually see what “real Pride” looks like. I wanted to experience it at least once for myself.

I didn’t. And lately I don’t feel like doing that at all. Maybe I don’t need this. Maybe my harmful experiences are my strength. Maybe those experiences are the only thing that prevents me from forgetting how many of my queer siblings are suffering, how many are still unsafe. I am not sure if I want to enjoy who I am unless EACH AND EVERY ONE OF US can too.  

On the other hand, how many hours per day can a queer human individual think of all of the harm and violence done to queer folks around the globe and still stay sane? Does anyone have any tips on how to not take every hateful statement on queerness personally and actually sleep at night instead of drowning in fear and anxiety?

I was thinking a lot about queer representation in pop culture lately and how that makes me feel unsafe too. A few decades ago there was almost no representation whatsoever. I am glad that changed. But also, it changed to mostly one type of representation – queer struggle. I am glad to see experiences I can relate to in movies and series, but it also retraumatizes me every time. I can’t help it.

Growing up as a queer in the majority of places on this planet is tough. To a lot of us it means abuse, violence, the inability of being ourselves and, in some cases, legal troubles. Going through all of this and then watching it again and again on a screen is a lot to swallow. As much as I find these stories valid and important to tell, I feel like when these stories are The Only ones that are out there it makes me feel incredibly unsafe.

I feel like pop culture desperately needs more stories of queer people’s success. Or just a normal life with problems not connected to our identity.

The show “Politician” felt like a breath of fresh air to me. What a pleasure to see people of different queer identities running a political campaign without being abused, neglected, and finally killed. But that is a rather rare exception.

I think at the end of the day I (and every one of us) have to find a balance between staying angry and staying calm, between fighting and taking care of ourselves. Between educating ourselves about the struggle of other queers, especially queers of color and trans people, and preventing burnout.

PRIDE MONTH - Ways To Actively Enhance Allyship For The LGBTQ+ Community

The word of the moment is action in these unprecedented times. Since the last time we talked about ways to become an anti-racist because we can no longer accept things the way they are, I figured it was also time to do my homework in regards of the LGBTQ+ community around me. As a straight woman, I acknowledge my privilege of walking into places the LGBTQ+ community has been denied to enter; however, being aware of that is not enough. In order to accomplish that, it is crucial to do work of understanding the role we play in this society and educating ourselves about what we can do to help. Consequently, taking action is essential to fight prejudice against the LGBTQ+ community and to assure their right to live and to be in this world.

We must fight for tolerance. I will dare to say that the lack of it is the root of all the evil society has inflicted on the minorities through time. We talk very much about acceptance, but we can not expect everyone to accept one's truth or life choice, we have however the right to demand respect for it. Because tolerance is the foundation of a more fair society. At the end of the day, we don't have to agree with one another, but we must tolerate the differences that constitute the society we are surrounded by. Notice that acceptance is debatable, but tolerance is not negotiable.

We must educate ourselves. Education is another important word this year because in school, we are not taught how to navigate social awareness and justice, nor how to read the nuances that form the environment we grew up in. Instead, we have been conditioned to fit in according to certain models, leaving no room for observation and learning of how diversified life choices can be, especially the ones related to our sexuality. Now that the internet approximates people all over the world, there are several reliable channels we can gather knowledge from. Once we learn more about the LGBTQ+ community, their fears and struggles, their beauty and value, we will better understand how to become their allies and we will feel more equipped to fight along with them.

We must educate others around us. To educate ourselves is a great step towards a safer future for the LGBTQ+ community, but that is just the beginning. It makes a great difference to be aware of our surroundings and stand up when we witness prejudice. We must as well teach our children how to appropriately navigate social situations in which they encounter people from the LGBTQ+ community. Regardless of which generation you belong to, one's uniqueness should be celebrated and respected, especially in a world where everyone has always been conditioned to blend in, because we were taught that sameness means safety and acceptance.

We must normalize the different. Diversity has been a trendy theme for the past decade or so. The more we explore what the world has to offer, the more we understand we are not alone in our uniqueness. The same thing happens when we are talking about the LGBTQ+ community, we can not change the way we were born. Society is the one that must change the way it treats the LGBTQ+ community. Uniqueness is beautiful and it must be respected and preserved. 

Heterosexuality is not the norm. The first transgender that History registered was named Lili Elbe— a danish artist who was born a male and went through a sex reassigment surgery in 1930. It is worth reflecting on the fact that the LGBTQ+ community has always existed, but now they have more access and more visibility. You know that old conservative neighbor of yours who always says "There wasn't this much LGBTQ+ in the past.” The thing is there were, and the difference is that now we can no longer ignore their existence. Sometimes it is not about what we see, it is about how we see and that makes a huge difference in the way we perceive reality. When we see it through different lenses, our perspective about it also changes, and that is powerful. It makes us resourceful and equipped to defeat this patriarchal sexist society we live in. 

Amplify the LGBTQ+ voices. Use your social media channels to increase awareness, to share their stories, to bring these people to light. There are countless artists in this community that could use some good media exposure for a change. There certainly are LGBTQ+ people in show business and those have greater audiences, but there also are painters, doctors, literature professors, scientists to name a few. Professionals who are in fields considered more reputable according to society, and that LGBTQ+ people struggle to conquer space in.

Ultimately, to guarantee the right to live inside their own body is just the top of the iceberg. The LGBTQ+ community has also to fight against violence and hatred. They must fight for acceptance of those in their own families and friends, they must fight for the right to love and to be loved. Basic premises that should be granted to all. If those who fit in the normative standard in society don't stand up for those who don't, none of us will ever be safe.