Forever young

"Women are exhausted." I recently heard this sentence in a podcast, and I couldn't agree more. It's almost impossible to find a woman who is not overwhelmed with housework, professional demands, and, in many cases, maternity obligations. 

But there is another layer of concern in our minds, and it's almost invisible: the worry about achieving beauty standards. We have several daily rituals that take significant amounts of money, time, and energy when it comes to weight, fashion, hair, and skincare. 

We all know that gaining weight is considered almost a crime in our highly fatphobic society. But ageism follows a similar pattern. Overall, where does this obsession with youth come from? Why is "old" such a pejorative word that it renders aging so challenging to women?

The answers to those questions don't fit in a single article. By all means, the myth of youthfulness affects women much more than men. Take Brad Pitt, George Clooney, Tom Cruise, Patrick Dempsey, and many others as examples of stars who proudly display their wrinkles with no shame. They are constantly praised for "knowing how to age well."

I've been asking myself what "to age well" means. 

The youth that comes from within

Getting old, especially in Hollywood, is a resistance act. Public opinion criticizes women who accept the signs of age – as well as those who try to fight against it. Madonna, a live symbol of female freedom, frequently discusses the hardship of getting old working in the pop scene (which is increasingly avid for infantilized bodies). Haters say that her face is turning unrecognizable and that she is trying to look like a teenager through clothes and plastic surgery. 

Those who embrace the wrinkles, though, still have to face questions from people shocked by the signs of time, as the Sex and the City cast, reunited at the end of 2021. Almost 20 years later, what were people exactly expecting? 

Showing off a more natural beauty sometimes seems like bravery and resistance, as Sharon Stone, one of the most prominent sex symbols of the last few decades, has been doing. "I started to understand that I was going to go for being more like a European woman who got more beautiful with age and who could understand that women are more beautiful than girls because they know something," she said in this Allure Magazine interview. 

Others use this curiosity around wrinkles for good causes, as Michele Pfeifer did recently. The actor posted a no-makeup photo to invite people to contribute as poll workers for elections. 

Youth has been associated with appearance, not attitude. Jennifer Lopez, who is frequently cited as an example of a woman who  "knows how to age," launched a booty balm when she turned 53. The product was sold out in record time. It's comprehensible: we all are trying to survive in a world with daily reminders that appearance does matter. 

But beyond the surface, being young is much more than smooth skin and a lifted bum. It's about the freedom to be who you are. It's about accepting your choices without worrying too much about what others think. If you want to invest money in plastic surgery and anti-aging creams, go for it. If you want to post pictures without makeup or filters – you go, girl! 

Youthfulness is wearing the clothes you want – not the ones that are "age-appropriate." It is to behave as you please, not as people expect you to act. 

It's spending your Friday night on a dance floor – if you are a party person, or having the peace of mind of staying home with a glass of wine and a good movie and not feeling "old" for enjoying it.

I wish that, rather than striving to be forever young, we could be forever free.

Added tip

I couldn't end this article without mentioning the movie "Good luck to you, Leo Grande," starring Emma Thompson, released last June. It's about a retired, widowed teacher who hires a sex worker to reach her first orgasm. 

In addition to the trump card of talking about female sexuality after 60, the character has a surprising full-frontal scene. "It's very challenging to be nude at 62," Ms. Thompson said in an interview for Entertainment Weekly. "I don't think I could've done it before the age that I am. And yet, of course, the age I am makes it extremely challenging because we aren't used to seeing untreated bodies on the screen."

It requires a lot of maturity to let go of your insecurities. And that is one of the most significant advantages of getting older.